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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to really not want teenagers at the table

360 replies

NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 20:55

..but unable to explain why without being a grinch.

I have teenagers, all my friends have teenagers. This means we no longer need babysitters to go out which is great.

Occasionally one of my friendship group will suggest sharing a takeaway at one of our houses instead of going out. I need to emphasise that it isn't a cost issue. It's just a 'life's easier at home' issue.

I really really hate it when we are sitting around having a good chat, often discussing our teenagers, when these teenagers descend and start picking at our food before we've even finished. I go so far as to ban my own teenagers from appearing on the rare occasion that I am hosting in this scenario. This food picking only happens if we have a takeaway. They steer clear of 'normal' food.

I haven't said anything because the friendship group is precious to me. However the thought of it is starting to eat me up and spoil my potential enjoyment of any evening.

So AIBU and a grinch or should I say something and if so, what?

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 18/04/2023 20:56

Do they get takeaway food as well for themselves?

Nimbostratus100 · 18/04/2023 20:56

YABU - you cant stop teenagers from coming to their own table

Original poster
NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 20:57

strawberry2017 · 18/04/2023 20:56

Do they get takeaway food as well for themselves?

They will have been fed. Not necessarily takeaway.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 18/04/2023 20:57

The person hosting should buy enough for their teenagers and then the adults should be able to socialise without being interrupted.

Original poster
NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 20:57

Nimbostratus100 · 18/04/2023 20:56

YABU - you cant stop teenagers from coming to their own table

But I do.

OP posts:
Devoutspoken · 18/04/2023 20:58

I agree, it's nice to have your own space from time to time, just like they have theirs

Original poster
NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 20:58

LolaSmiles · 18/04/2023 20:57

The person hosting should buy enough for their teenagers and then the adults should be able to socialise without being interrupted.

But you can't dictate to someone else how to feed their children can you?

OP posts:
Pashy · 18/04/2023 21:00

I think it’s odd that you go into someone’s home and then resent them for living there.

Vallmo47 · 18/04/2023 21:00

YABU, unless they’re eating food bought and paid for by yourself. You can’t dictate kids existing in their own homes. If they are eating your food before you’ve finished, of course you are not being unreasonable to say “Hands off my food! 😛”

blubberball · 18/04/2023 21:01

I'd get takeaway for them too, and they'd probably be happy to go eat it in another room. They're only making an appearance for the food.

Original poster
NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 21:01

Pashy · 18/04/2023 21:00

I think it’s odd that you go into someone’s home and then resent them for living there.

I don't resent them for being alive. I resent the fact that they roam free interrupting our fun night in ... and eating all the food.

OP posts:
Wetnwindy · 18/04/2023 21:02

I think its lovely that teenagers are sociable and want to come and say hi to parents friends.

Nimbostratus100 · 18/04/2023 21:04

NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 20:57

But I do.

Show quote history

well, that is your choice - personally I think YABU to your teens, but your cant expect other people to BU too

It is their home, they are entitled to access to the communal rooms

Original poster
NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 21:04

Wetnwindy · 18/04/2023 21:02

I think its lovely that teenagers are sociable and want to come and say hi to parents friends.

I think my friends think it is lovely that their children make an appearance. They do love them after all.
It is me who doesn't want to see them in that context. It spoils the atmosphere as all the focus moves to the teenagers ... and the food goes.

OP posts:
Divorcedalongtime · 18/04/2023 21:04

I agree adult comversatioons are important but surely giving the teens their own takeaway in the kitchen and explaining you want adult time is sufficient. It seems very mean to give the teens some normal boring food and you guys get to pig out.

Nimbostratus100 · 18/04/2023 21:04

Wetnwindy · 18/04/2023 21:02

I think its lovely that teenagers are sociable and want to come and say hi to parents friends.

I agree

KimberleyClark · 18/04/2023 21:04

Wetnwindy · 18/04/2023 21:02

I think its lovely that teenagers are sociable and want to come and say hi to parents friends.

I think they are more interested in the food……

Sissynova · 18/04/2023 21:04

The nerve of them “roaming free” in their own home.

hairdresserbreakup · 18/04/2023 21:05

YABU! Go to the pub or restaurant if you don't want to see the other people who live in the house. It's their home!

To be fair, I would shoo my teens off after a bit but most teens are good company for a short time at least.

Precipice · 18/04/2023 21:05

NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 21:01

I don't resent them for being alive. I resent the fact that they roam free interrupting our fun night in ... and eating all the food.

Show quote history

Roam free?! It's the house they live in! Do you expect their parents to lock them in their rooms?

Nimbostratus100 · 18/04/2023 21:05

NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 21:04

I think my friends think it is lovely that their children make an appearance. They do love them after all.
It is me who doesn't want to see them in that context. It spoils the atmosphere as all the focus moves to the teenagers ... and the food goes.

Show quote history

there clearly needs to be more food then! You dont buy a take away for half the family, do you?

Bayleaf25 · 18/04/2023 21:06

Think it’s completely up to the person hosting. Occasionally we (or friends) have an older teen at the table (aged 18, 19, 20 etc) and it’s usually a laugh. Obviously they are adult ‘children’ though so we don’t have to particularly moderate our conversation. Occasionally a 17 year old might join us.

I don’t think you can dictate what happens in other people’s houses.

Ragwort · 18/04/2023 21:06

It's very difficult if you are not the ones hosting .. not sure what the answer is, you could suggest 'shall I order a couple of extra pizzas for the kids' and hope they disappear to another room. Or make it clear that you are happy to host and set up a separate room etc with snacks for the teenagers.

I never forget going to dinner with a lovely couple we knew and when they got there they said, we thought it would be nice for name to join us for her first grown up dinner party. Of course I faked enjoyment but I was very irritated.

Although to my embarrassment I inadvertently took my own DS (aged around 16) to a birthday lunch party where he was clearly not invited, it was a 40th party of his own GodFather, miles away and I just assumed DS was invited. Nothing was said but he was obviously the only young person there Blush, it was at his home so no extra expense but I did feel embarrassed.

LotsOfBalloons · 18/04/2023 21:06

Oh I know what you mean. My group meet in a range of homes and one family thinks it's delightful when their kids come and join us. I want adult time!'

sleepyscientist · 18/04/2023 21:06

blubberball · 18/04/2023 21:01

I'd get takeaway for them too, and they'd probably be happy to go eat it in another room. They're only making an appearance for the food.

This, why not take all the teenagers and set them up in a separate room or teenagers to one house and you in another