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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to really not want teenagers at the table

360 replies

NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 20:55

..but unable to explain why without being a grinch.

I have teenagers, all my friends have teenagers. This means we no longer need babysitters to go out which is great.

Occasionally one of my friendship group will suggest sharing a takeaway at one of our houses instead of going out. I need to emphasise that it isn't a cost issue. It's just a 'life's easier at home' issue.

I really really hate it when we are sitting around having a good chat, often discussing our teenagers, when these teenagers descend and start picking at our food before we've even finished. I go so far as to ban my own teenagers from appearing on the rare occasion that I am hosting in this scenario. This food picking only happens if we have a takeaway. They steer clear of 'normal' food.

I haven't said anything because the friendship group is precious to me. However the thought of it is starting to eat me up and spoil my potential enjoyment of any evening.

So AIBU and a grinch or should I say something and if so, what?

OP posts:
60smusic · 18/04/2023 21:07

If adults are having friends around for a take away, there's no need for the teens to join in. I've raised 5 kids and they never helped themselves to food that I was having with friends, normally if they weren't going out, I'd order for them and they eat it in the other room.

I have though come across every scenario when visiting other friends homes, tbh I don't get why an adult can't have some time with friends to catch up without teens taking over or small children even.

QueenofLouisiana · 18/04/2023 21:07

I'd buy the teens a takeaway too. It's not surprising that they turn up to pick at takeaway if they haven't had the same. However, I would enjoy time with my friends without teens joining in.

MiddleParking · 18/04/2023 21:07

NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 20:58

But you can't dictate to someone else how to feed their children can you?

Show quote history

Sounds like that’s your answer then?

Hesma · 18/04/2023 21:07

It’s their house… suck it up buttercup!

LolaSmiles · 18/04/2023 21:09

But you can't dictate to someone else how to feed their children can you?
I see what you mean.

I think to me if DH said "I'm having the guys round for takeaway" the next question would be "what would you and DC like?/would you like me to order some for you and DC?"
It wouldn't cross my mind that DH having takeaway with his friends meant that DC and I would crash the room, help ourselves to their food, and keep coming in and out because that's really rude.

So in your situation, if someone invited me round for take away with a group of friends, I'd assume that if the teens wanted take away they'd either have their own dishes ordered, or they'd take some when it's served up and then they'd be told by their parent that the adults are socialising and it's rude to keep interrupting.

handsoffate · 18/04/2023 21:10

Wetnwindy · 18/04/2023 21:02

I think its lovely that teenagers are sociable and want to come and say hi to parents friends.

Agreed. I love a house full of teenagers, you can have some great debates all for thee cost of a few pizzas! It certainly beats the deathly quiet upbringing I had.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/04/2023 21:10

YABU

I wasn’t keen when small children made an appearance, but I quite liked the teenagers coming to say hello. Mine are now 20’s, and I really like catching up with my friends 20 somethings if they are still at home. Not for the whole evening, for sure, but it’s nice to see them.

WhereMyRosemaryGoes · 18/04/2023 21:10

Are the teenagers supposed to stay in their bedroom while the adults have takeaway in the living area?

Original poster
NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 21:11

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/04/2023 21:10

YABU

I wasn’t keen when small children made an appearance, but I quite liked the teenagers coming to say hello. Mine are now 20’s, and I really like catching up with my friends 20 somethings if they are still at home. Not for the whole evening, for sure, but it’s nice to see them.

So IABU because you enjoy it and I don't?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 18/04/2023 21:11

You all get a takeaway and leave teenagers out? Can't wrap my head around that.

Original poster
NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 21:12

WhereMyRosemaryGoes · 18/04/2023 21:10

Are the teenagers supposed to stay in their bedroom while the adults have takeaway in the living area?

No. Typically adults will be in kitchen large enough to entertain in and teens free to use other living space as well as their bedrooms.

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 18/04/2023 21:12

I can understand this, OP. I love my children and spending time with them but I also enjoy the different dynamic of being with my friends and socialising with them.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/04/2023 21:12

NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 21:11

So IABU because you enjoy it and I don't?

Show quote history

Yes! Because your friends are clearly like me. Say something then, and risk pissing them off.

TomatoSandwiches · 18/04/2023 21:12

If it really gets you riled up maybe you could pay your own teenagers to linger around and pick at your dinner next time you host deliberately so you can tell them with your audience listening,

" this is our night, adults only, you've had dinner and XYZ, get a snack and off you go please "

Fingers crossed your friends get it 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 21:13

TheSnowyOwl · 18/04/2023 21:12

I can understand this, OP. I love my children and spending time with them but I also enjoy the different dynamic of being with my friends and socialising with them.

Thank you. So my question is can I say anything or do I have to smile and pretend it is my favourite thing in the world to spend the evening with someone else's kids?

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 18/04/2023 21:13

I can understand this, OP. I love my children and spending time with them but I also enjoy the different dynamic of being with my friends and socialising with them
Agree with this. Same here.
It's like when you think you're going to socialise with friends and then someone brings their partner. It changes the dynamic.

JMSA · 18/04/2023 21:13

My teens wouldn't be this bold!

JMSA · 18/04/2023 21:14

Also, they couldn't think of anything worse than spending time with us.

brooksidebackside · 18/04/2023 21:15

Sissynova · 18/04/2023 21:04

The nerve of them “roaming free” in their own home.

I know. The absolute cheek!!

MynameisJune · 18/04/2023 21:15

Next time you host get your teens a takeaway and purposely say ‘right this is yours, off you go whilst the adults catch up’

Your friends might then get the hint.

CalistoNoSolo · 18/04/2023 21:15

You do sound very ungenerous, to your own children and to your friends children.

KimberleyClark · 18/04/2023 21:15

Did parents in the old days give their teens money to go to the cinema when they wanted some adult time or was that only in sitcoms?

Neandertallica · 18/04/2023 21:17

Ever watched Last of us? Teenagers are like that, smelling a take away.. Next time suggest buying extra for them.

Toloveandtowork · 18/04/2023 21:19

I get you OP. It's a pain and changes the whole dynamic. I would just suck it up though and lower my expectations.

Puppers · 18/04/2023 21:19

YABU. You don’t get to dictate how other people behave in their own home or how they choose to host. If you don’t enjoy the experience, don’t go. You are free to make the rules when you host, which you do. It would be impolite in the extreme to demand that your friends impose your rules in their homes. I’d not invite you back if you did this to me and would consider it very entitled behaviour.