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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to really not want teenagers at the table

360 replies

NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 20:55

..but unable to explain why without being a grinch.

I have teenagers, all my friends have teenagers. This means we no longer need babysitters to go out which is great.

Occasionally one of my friendship group will suggest sharing a takeaway at one of our houses instead of going out. I need to emphasise that it isn't a cost issue. It's just a 'life's easier at home' issue.

I really really hate it when we are sitting around having a good chat, often discussing our teenagers, when these teenagers descend and start picking at our food before we've even finished. I go so far as to ban my own teenagers from appearing on the rare occasion that I am hosting in this scenario. This food picking only happens if we have a takeaway. They steer clear of 'normal' food.

I haven't said anything because the friendship group is precious to me. However the thought of it is starting to eat me up and spoil my potential enjoyment of any evening.

So AIBU and a grinch or should I say something and if so, what?

OP posts:
hairdresserbreakup · 18/04/2023 21:19

Surely they aren't there for the whole evening?

You don't have to like it OP, but I think of you don't want to see them you need to go out somewhere.

Beenhereforever1978 · 18/04/2023 21:21

You've said it's not a financial thing that stops you all from going out for a meal and leaving the teenagers at home (to eat all the food). Have you considered maybe doing that?

My personal opinion is much like that of PP, i quite like it when they deign to bless us with their presence and steal all the prawn crackers because I know once they're off living their own lives I will not have that inconvenience/blessing.

Madcats · 18/04/2023 21:24

Are the teens good friends? I'm wondering whether they all want to be together if they keep arriving in solo scavenging missions or lurk.

What seems to work well with my friends is that the oldies lurk in the kitchen, while letting the kids play music or watch a movie and get fed in the lounge/dining room.

They then all scoot off upstairs or stay put and we carry on. Once in a while a parent will make sure they are behaving themselves.

This approach might require 2 takeaways

tatteddear · 18/04/2023 21:26

I get it but I actually really like to see them-as king as it's not for the whole night

savoycabbage · 18/04/2023 21:28

You seem very focused on the food. Like a Labrador.

Original poster
NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 21:29

I know in my heart I have to suck it up. I love my friends too much to offend them.

Feel much better now. Thank you.

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 18/04/2023 21:29

Simple solution, invite the teens to join you for the whole evening, if they think it's an obligation you won't see them for dust!

Original poster
NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 21:30

savoycabbage · 18/04/2023 21:28

You seem very focused on the food. Like a Labrador.

Funny you say that. My bark is also worse than my bite.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 21:30

WonderingWanda · 18/04/2023 21:29

Simple solution, invite the teens to join you for the whole evening, if they think it's an obligation you won't see them for dust!

GENIUS

OP posts:
ejbaxa · 18/04/2023 21:30

I would think that if takeaway is being bought, then the teens should have takeaway also - their own portions. It seems mean to have tempting food in their home, that only their parents' mates are allowed.

It's the parents fault anyway. They should have provided takeaway for the teens and sent them off with it so they don't interfere with the dynamics of the adult situation.

JeremyBearamy · 18/04/2023 21:31

MynameisJune · 18/04/2023 21:15

Next time you host get your teens a takeaway and purposely say ‘right this is yours, off you go whilst the adults catch up’

Your friends might then get the hint.

I think I would do something like this.

Sittwritt · 18/04/2023 21:31

I guess their parents adore them and don’t see anything wrong with it. Why not just go out for a restaurant meal? What’s so discuss about hanging out at another house. Maybe you’re just over having kids at this point, but no friend would be dearer yo me than my gorgeous babies and yes I adore them making an appearance.

TeddybearBaby · 18/04/2023 21:31

Why don’t you like seeing the kids and chatting for a bit? Genuine question

labamba007 · 18/04/2023 21:31

I don't get why you don't go out or that person doesn't just buy for their children too. It seems mean not to get them anything! I would, and it would probably keep them away too 😂

gettingoldisshit · 18/04/2023 21:32

I agree, other peoples kids are annoying! However there isn't much you can do about it!

Sittwritt · 18/04/2023 21:32

Plus they’re always hungry treat them to some food 🥘

Nowvoyager99 · 18/04/2023 21:33

It took me a while to understand what was going on here, because I don’t share food. So any marauding teens would have to be actually lifting food from my plate to annoy me. I don’t think that’s what is happening 🤓

Agree with PP. Teens should have their own takeaway.

Beenhereforever1978 · 18/04/2023 21:33

WonderingWanda · 18/04/2023 21:29

Simple solution, invite the teens to join you for the whole evening, if they think it's an obligation you won't see them for dust!

This is indeed genius 😄

m00rfarm · 18/04/2023 21:33

I am sure the kids do not want the parents hogging the food and the conversation when they have friends over. Respect from both sides is required.

neilyoungismyhero · 18/04/2023 21:35

Pashy · 18/04/2023 21:00

I think it’s odd that you go into someone’s home and then resent them for living there.

Pretty sure if parents descended into said teenagers rooms with other parents in similar situation it would be deemed as completely unacceptable by the kids...little bit of respect goes both ways. Presumably the kids aren't just picking at their mum's choice of food either. It's rude.

CheersForThatEh · 18/04/2023 21:35

Take turns hosting and pile up your plate. It's annoying but you really ought to just get over this minor inconvenience.

godmum56 · 18/04/2023 21:36

NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 21:13

Thank you. So my question is can I say anything or do I have to smile and pretend it is my favourite thing in the world to spend the evening with someone else's kids?

Show quote history
  1. no you can't say anything
  2. yes you have to put up with it and be polite, you are a guest in someone else's home.
  3. but here's a suggestion.....when you next plan a meet up you might say something like "can we meet out somewhere this time, I need a break from family life"
CheersForThatEh · 18/04/2023 21:37

And if cost wasnt an issue for me I'd just order some extra nibbles like spring rolls for them. Perhaps a comment to host that you're adding extras for the kids.

Sometimes people have families and it's just nice to be nice. They wont live at home much longer. Think of them as extended family rather than pests

NeIIie · 18/04/2023 21:37

Why on earth do you treat yourselves to take away but not get the teenagers one? You sound stuck up and cranky not wanting teenagers to be teenagers in their own homes!

Theos · 18/04/2023 21:39

NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 20:55

..but unable to explain why without being a grinch.

I have teenagers, all my friends have teenagers. This means we no longer need babysitters to go out which is great.

Occasionally one of my friendship group will suggest sharing a takeaway at one of our houses instead of going out. I need to emphasise that it isn't a cost issue. It's just a 'life's easier at home' issue.

I really really hate it when we are sitting around having a good chat, often discussing our teenagers, when these teenagers descend and start picking at our food before we've even finished. I go so far as to ban my own teenagers from appearing on the rare occasion that I am hosting in this scenario. This food picking only happens if we have a takeaway. They steer clear of 'normal' food.

I haven't said anything because the friendship group is precious to me. However the thought of it is starting to eat me up and spoil my potential enjoyment of any evening.

So AIBU and a grinch or should I say something and if so, what?

Totally agree, you have chosen a night in with your friends, not the kids.

Now my kids have left home I’m always very careful to ask my friends if they mind one of my adult children joining us for a drink