..to really not want teenagers at the table

[NoCatsToday]

..but unable to explain why without being a grinch.

I have teenagers, all my friends have teenagers. This means we no longer need babysitters to go out which is great.

Occasionally one of my friendship group will suggest sharing a takeaway at one of our houses instead of going out. I need to emphasise that it isn't a cost issue. It's just a 'life's easier at home' issue.

I really really hate it when we are sitting around having a good chat, often discussing our teenagers, when these teenagers descend and start picking at our food before we've even finished. I go so far as to ban my own teenagers from appearing on the rare occasion that I am hosting in this scenario. This food picking only happens if we have a takeaway. They steer clear of 'normal' food.

I haven't said anything because the friendship group is precious to me. However the thought of it is starting to eat me up and spoil my potential enjoyment of any evening.

So AIBU and a grinch or should I say something and if so, what?

On the rare occasion I've had people over when my kids were about, I made it clear to my kids that the adults wanted time alone, and pointed out that they wouldn't like it if I hung around when their friends were over. My kids happily obliged by staying out of the way.

I think some parents assume that because they find their own kids endlessly fascinating, other people should too.

I would feel the same, it's good to have sacred adult space that they don't intrude upon the same as you would respect the teens need for space..... So I would express my feelings to my friend/the group.... "even though they are amazing people I would so love it if we could make our time special and uninterrupted by feeding the kids separately..)" but don't expect them to agree or like it... Ultimately it might come down to you not going to their house as that's your choice but you can't dictate that they do things the same as you in their home.

Why not make an excuse not to join them on these nights. You don't enjoy it and possibly bring down the enjoyment of the others.

@Stompythedinosaur

this!

when the teens have their pals round do
you think they are cool with mam or dad joining them for chats?! I think not. Respect works both ways.

I certainly don't hide upstairs in my bedroom when my dc have friends around, no. Does anyone?

I agree with you Op, but I'm old fashioned and think it's rude to interrupt people eating. Your add ons about the food being gone are cracking me up btw 🤣

Yabu.buy your teens take away on your turn to host and perhaps the others will copy when they host.or you can turn up with pizzas for the teens then order your own at leisure at your hosts house.
But you can't expect them to not come down when take out food is around!

@Stompythedinosaur

i bet you don’t hijack their conversation and eat all their food if they’ve bought a takeaway though do you?!

@Stewball01

thats what I would do. Those evenings don’t sound much fun tbh. Just becomes all about the teens.