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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to really not want teenagers at the table

360 replies

NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 20:55

..but unable to explain why without being a grinch.

I have teenagers, all my friends have teenagers. This means we no longer need babysitters to go out which is great.

Occasionally one of my friendship group will suggest sharing a takeaway at one of our houses instead of going out. I need to emphasise that it isn't a cost issue. It's just a 'life's easier at home' issue.

I really really hate it when we are sitting around having a good chat, often discussing our teenagers, when these teenagers descend and start picking at our food before we've even finished. I go so far as to ban my own teenagers from appearing on the rare occasion that I am hosting in this scenario. This food picking only happens if we have a takeaway. They steer clear of 'normal' food.

I haven't said anything because the friendship group is precious to me. However the thought of it is starting to eat me up and spoil my potential enjoyment of any evening.

So AIBU and a grinch or should I say something and if so, what?

OP posts:
AllIeveknewonlyou · 18/04/2023 22:20

NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 22:18

Through admitting and debating this issue to the great forum of Mumsnet what I have now realised is that the thing I find really annoying is not the teenagers per se. It is my beloved friends publicly besotted and coo cooing over their spotty progeny when we were in the the middle of a lovely chat.

I fully accept that I am a terrible person.

It honestly just sounds like you want a bit of adult space! Not that you're terrible.

Blinky21 · 18/04/2023 22:23

It seems a bit rude, can't imagine my parents letting me pick at guest's food when I was younger

Walkaround · 18/04/2023 22:23

If you want adult space, you go out somewhere, not to a teenager’s home to eat teenage-friendly food…

Climbles · 18/04/2023 22:25

I have a friend who has always insisted on bringing her Dd with her everywhere. She’s done it since she was a baby and she’s 15 now. Totally changes the dynamic. However, coming down to say high and nick some takeaway seems nice. As long as they aren’t sitting with you all night.

FlyingCherries · 18/04/2023 22:26

You hate teenagers and you also have teenagers of your own? You’re setting yourself up for them not wanting to see you as adults.

Bambooflowers · 18/04/2023 22:26

op were you that kid at school who demanded someone was your friend and no one elses? I’d bet money you were, with your exclusive attitude. I’m guessing it didn’t serve you well then, and it won’t serve you well now.

Namechangethisonetime · 18/04/2023 22:27

NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 21:01

I don't resent them for being alive. I resent the fact that they roam free interrupting our fun night in ... and eating all the food.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t be comfortable with this, or enjoy this, more but from the angle that children/teens can change the dynamic of adult get togethers. Less enjoyable!

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 18/04/2023 22:27

I actually enjoy the company of my friends' kids, so as long as they weren't around every time we got together, this wouldn't really bother me. However, I get that it changes the dynamic of the conversation slightly.

The simple solution is to go out, or you offer to host, OP. Then you can banish your children as you wish.

AllIeveknewonlyou · 18/04/2023 22:27

Walkaround · 18/04/2023 22:23

If you want adult space, you go out somewhere, not to a teenager’s home to eat teenage-friendly food…

It's more than that though, it comes across as OP just wants time with friends instead of, well, teens.

If it's a takeaway it would be a good idea to order them one separately.

SarahLucSc · 18/04/2023 22:28

I’m with you OP. It is nice to say hi to friends kids etc but them loitering around does change the dynamic.

If you are a terrible person, so am I!

Blueseared · 18/04/2023 22:28

I’m with you OP. I would hate that. I have three toddlers and Jesus Christ, I just want to socialise without my children. I do not want to see my children and I don’t want to see other peoples children when I’m socialising.

Bambooflowers · 18/04/2023 22:28

This reply has been deleted

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newnamethanks · 18/04/2023 22:29

A trough in the garden should be fine for them. Leave them out there. Character forming.

Original poster
NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 22:29

Bambooflowers · 18/04/2023 22:26

op were you that kid at school who demanded someone was your friend and no one elses? I’d bet money you were, with your exclusive attitude. I’m guessing it didn’t serve you well then, and it won’t serve you well now.

Ooh it's viper-O'Clock ...YAY

I have many friends and it is because I like to see this particular group and have intimate wimmins chat with them that I raise this issue.

May the odds be forever in your favour.

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 18/04/2023 22:29

I can’t believe anybody me would order take out and not get any for their teens? That is bizarre. Of course they are going to act like sea gulls. This is a given.

I always loved it when mine would come out to say hello to people, because it’s such an unsocial age. You seem odd.

thesugarbumfairy · 18/04/2023 22:30

aw. I love the teen visits. Even when the girls are trying to nick our booze!

Bambooflowers · 18/04/2023 22:30

NoCatsToday · 18/04/2023 22:29

Ooh it's viper-O'Clock ...YAY

I have many friends and it is because I like to see this particular group and have intimate wimmins chat with them that I raise this issue.

May the odds be forever in your favour.

Show quote history

Well they aren’t in your favour are they, as your mates are happy with how it is. It’s you who has the issue.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/04/2023 22:30

I think it would be better if they ordered enough food for the teenagers too!

I don’t think you can ban them from coming down in their own house, they’re not little kids.

My Dd is 14 and loves adult company - she’d be so sad if I banished her away during an evening with friends. I know adults need their own time and space but I agree that it’s best to go out to the pub or similar for that.

Blueseared · 18/04/2023 22:31

@Bambooflowers looks like you’re projecting a bit

Phoebo · 18/04/2023 22:31

Agree with you OP. You're there to socialise with your friends, not their kids. It changes the dynamic

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/04/2023 22:32

Blueseared · 18/04/2023 22:28

I’m with you OP. I would hate that. I have three toddlers and Jesus Christ, I just want to socialise without my children. I do not want to see my children and I don’t want to see other peoples children when I’m socialising.

But they’re toddlers. That’s an entirely different ball game. Of course you are well with in your rights to expect toddlers to be put to bed in similar circumstances.

Mischance · 18/04/2023 22:32

YABU - it is their home too. And if you are gassing about them, then no wonder they come down to hear!!

SarahLucSc · 18/04/2023 22:34

This reply has been deleted

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That’s a bit strong.

VerbenaGirl · 18/04/2023 22:36

I love it when teens join - it’s lovely that they want to, and they’ll be off doing their own thing soon.

Snapdragonz · 18/04/2023 22:37

Next time, pre-empt the situation. Say "If teenagers are around, let's make sure we order them something to eat too so they can have their own".