AIBU to carry on ‘white’ lie about crispy aromatic duck to the DC?

[KellyJs]

If you’re looking for a thought provoking thread this isn’t it, but I am not sure what to do and looking for outside help, as my family just laugh when I try and ask them for advice.

I love a Chinese takeaway, part of the order (as is most peoples right?!) is a 1/4 crispy aromatic duck. DH had pet ducks growing up, and when I first ordered a Chinese takeaway in the early days of our relationship he got quite upset about the duck (he had never had a Chinese before) and refused to eat it.

So ever since then when I’ve ordered a Chinese for myself I’ve told a white lie that my starter is actually crispy pork, and that I took on his feedback re the duck being upsetting for him. He doesn’t eat the pork/duck so I’m not lying to him about something he consumes, but to avoid the unnecessary hurt I thought it was a harmless white lie at the time.

This has now been going on for 12 years, my family are involved, as when we order as a group they all keep up the pretence it’s pork.

However, I’m not sure what to do now DC are at an age they participate in family takeaway nights.

Do I keep up the lie, and tell them it’s pork, as if I tell them the truth one of them will blab to their dad, and my whole porky palace of lies will crumble around me.

I know I’m unreasonable for letting it get this far, but I can’t go back in time.

So AIBU to also lie to the children about the duck?

YABU - you need to come clean to everyone involved

YANBU - it’s to late now, keep lying until you die

Crispy seaweed

Is deep fried cabbage

🤣🤣🤣does your dh really believe it’s pork?

your DH is going to go quackers.

Don't get the kids involved. Stop ordering duck. When DH asks why you no longer order your normal pork say you've found something you like more. No food, not even duck in pancakes, is worth the aggro of being found out. Order it when you're away from home.

I'm confused about how you'd get away with this for a decade though. Does he never order a Chinese himself, overhear you or look at the menu and see that the thing you're claiming to be ordering doesn't exist?

Your DH must lead a very sheltered life…

🤣

Go veggie re takeaways for a year and then order something different when you go back and pray to all the gods that your DC forget about you having duck and saying it was pork?

Does he never do the ordering?

So does he think it’s called duck on the menu? Or does he never hear you order it?

Tell the kids, swear them to secrecy and lie till you die 😂

Indeed. Honestly does he truly believe its pork has he never once in over a decade ordered and looked at the menu?

Surley he isn't so sheltered that he doesn't realise and to be honest I don't understand how he is that upset about you eating duck. These ducks aren't his pets so why would it upset him to begin with.

Just tell him it's duck and be done with it.

I'd come clean. This could be a big deal for him.

He does seem to believe, but then again I do make an effort to keep this up, if we order from places that serve it on the bone I am in the bag very quickly to remove all bird evidence and break apart the ‘pork’

It helps that it often looks like pulled pork

And my DH will believe anything I say, too trusting that man

He sounds a bit simple. Does he never read the menu or order the takeaway himself? And is he a vegetarian, or does his concern for animal welfare extend only to a single poultry type he has a sentimental attachment to? I mean, what is his logic? ‘I’m fine with eating chickens, sheep, cows, pigs, but I absolutely won’t eat ducks?’

We order it away from him

God this sounds so much worse as I write it out

If I order for myself I wait until he is in the toilet, or ask him to get something for me and quickly make the call

Why would he read a menu of a takeaway he doesn’t eat?

He never had one before, and after our first didn’t have one again (when we order from the Chinese they also do fish and chips so he has that)

Omg. This is gold.

im going to have it tonight in your honour.

I’d totally involve my kids in the lie so I could keep eating it 🤣 Bribe them with banana or pineapple fritters if you have to.

This sounds like way too much hard work OP 🤣 Just tell him!

Oh no he never orders himself, but then again he doesn’t eat it himself.

Our first Chinese was his first and last. If we get from the Chinese as a large family group, he just has fish and chips!

TBH it helps that our local Chinese does a pork starter, so if he did ever feel the need to check I’d not be immediately found out

I'm sorry but if he eats meat he hasn't got a (duck) leg to stand on. He can't decide one food animal is ok to eat and another isn't because he had some cute ones. Most animals are lovely when you see them.

You don't have to tell him (confess) about what you've ordered in the past. If DCs want to order duck then let them and remind DH that he doesn't have to eat it.

That's not uncommon behaviour though. Loads of non-vegetarian people won't eat rabbit or horse or venison for sentimental reasons. Pescatarians are frequently motivated largely by sentimental feelings. My teen DS loves chickens and won't eat them.

I'm sorry but this is just bloody funny! What a tangled web of lies!! 😂
Stop ordering it, only way forward. Or just say they aren't doing the dish anymore and you like the duck!

I’d keep it going and eventually rope the kids into the secret!