AIBU to carry on ‘white’ lie about crispy aromatic duck to the DC?

[KellyJs]

If you’re looking for a thought provoking thread this isn’t it, but I am not sure what to do and looking for outside help, as my family just laugh when I try and ask them for advice.

I love a Chinese takeaway, part of the order (as is most peoples right?!) is a 1/4 crispy aromatic duck. DH had pet ducks growing up, and when I first ordered a Chinese takeaway in the early days of our relationship he got quite upset about the duck (he had never had a Chinese before) and refused to eat it.

So ever since then when I’ve ordered a Chinese for myself I’ve told a white lie that my starter is actually crispy pork, and that I took on his feedback re the duck being upsetting for him. He doesn’t eat the pork/duck so I’m not lying to him about something he consumes, but to avoid the unnecessary hurt I thought it was a harmless white lie at the time.

This has now been going on for 12 years, my family are involved, as when we order as a group they all keep up the pretence it’s pork.

However, I’m not sure what to do now DC are at an age they participate in family takeaway nights.

Do I keep up the lie, and tell them it’s pork, as if I tell them the truth one of them will blab to their dad, and my whole porky palace of lies will crumble around me.

I know I’m unreasonable for letting it get this far, but I can’t go back in time.

So AIBU to also lie to the children about the duck?

YABU - you need to come clean to everyone involved

YANBU - it’s to late now, keep lying until you die

Tell him they've stopped doing the pork, so you ordered Crispy Duck instead Surely he has got over his association of your food and his pet by now.

I canard-ly believe this thread. Hoi sin do you think you can resolve it? Ducking hell! (Sorry, I will stop now.)

I think you need to come clean but ideally without revealing the 12 years of subterfuge. Next time order as usual but when plating up refer to it correctly as crispy duck to the children. If/when he picks up on it say "oh the restaurant didn't send crispy pork, it's duck instead". (Not a lie as they won't have sent pork, albeit because you didn't order it.) If he doesn't notice for the first few times then once he does it will be "oh they've had this a few times now and they love it".

Next time you get Chinese, order duck. Let him hear you order duck, if family members try the pork lie say “no they aren’t doing the pork now, it’s duck.” If he gets upset, say “I’m not asking you to eat it, and if I’m honest, I prefer pigs to ducks.” He’ll get over it, and probably would have sooner if you’d just got on with it 12 years ago.

you don’t have to fess up, just stop doing it going forward.

I love DH but chucking the duck is definitely not on the table, I’d rather lie to my grave.

But yes this is a good idea, maybe next time we order as a wider family we stop the mass lie of the pork and one of them introduces the kids to it. I just need to hope they like it, so it can legitimise my duck based orders in future.

I always get my duck already shredded
I feel like it wouldn't be a big deal ( or shouldn't) but if he's that trusting to find out you've been lying down for 12 years may be the bigger deal?

And not liking Chinese? I don't really get that surely there are tonnes of different tastes and flavours he could try?

I really really want crispy duck now.

So your husband had an abusive childhood and found solace in his pet ducks to the e point he probably anthromorphised them

you would get upset if he ordered rabbit for the same thing because they are pets and you love them

you and your family have been lying for years because even though you know how much eating duck upsets him it is too good and in order to lie you never order it in front of him and remove the evidence

and present it somehow as a joke

the problem is would he if he finds out forgive you because ultimately your children will tell him

I’m actually laughing out loud this is so funny.
Probably time to come clean and fess up!

I think you have won the Internet today! 😁😁😁

OP, I agree with PPs who suggested saying the takeaway doesn't do shredded pork any more, just duck.

Don't mention it until asked, don't make a big deal, just forget it has ever been a big deal at all.

And enjoy your duck!

Yeah I think knowing I have lied and roped everyone else in for 12 years would be the bigger issue if I came clean, or god forbid, he found out.

To be fair I’m quite fussy with the Chinese, I’ll only order 3 things off the menu so can’t slate him too much on not being adventurous (as I don’t even have the plum sauce, just plain duck and cucumber in the pancakes, with chicken balls and plain chow Mein ) with it.

This is what happens when two fussy people mate.

Similar to u my dad used to make steak pie however the “steak” was actually pheasant, he worked on a farm at the time, everyone in the family knew including my now husband as he used to make them for us when we first moved in together, was years later I found out might have even been after my dad passed away

@KellyJs my grandparents were farmers. They kept chickens, sheep and pigs. The chickens were quite friendly and the pigs had names. I never had a problem eating chickens or pig - I might have if they’d eaten their own.

your dh is nuts; you are nuts. Give the duck a rest on the orders and reintroduce it shortly.

Duck is so mainstream how has your dh not tried it, not had someone in a restaurant order it.

Duck eggs are wonderful in cakes - very light.

yes, thinking the same thing, this one is on a reddit discussion about now. Too try hard and not funny at all.

This is entirely accurate, and why I’m conflicted on what to do.

I know I should stop ordering the duck, it’s a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but it just tastes so good. I lie to myself that eating it 3-4 times a year means it’s not that bad, but deep down I know it is.

Both families are in on the lie, it’s gone too far I agree.

"Duck trauma", "lie till you die", "is he quackers" 🤣🤣 wonderful.

Do you eat it in pancakes with cucumber and spring onions though, surely he realises this is no way to eat pulled pork??

If you don’t like a post you can always scroll by.

Only the cucumber.

And after pp mentioned having pork at a Chinese buffet served like this, I’ve googled and indeed some places do serve crispy pork as a starter with pancakes so I’ve somehow not totally lied. Well kind of, but some people eat crispy pork with their pancakes and veggies.

Have to add OP that I’m very impressed your family have run with this lie and have not blown your cover in the last 12 years.

With my lot, this would have come out by year 6, probably during a Xmas dinner fight, full on Eastenders “You’re not my duuuck” style, absolute scenes…

My DH used to tell me that the duck from our local Chinese (on the canal) and
was actually from the canal! I was horrified! Please tell me it isn't true 🤣

oh so soooooo sorry that I couldn't predict what 91 posts were going to say. Please forgive me KellyJs. My bad....

Telling porkies or chuck the duck, do you think marriage will survive if you tell the truth? Just eat it when he is not around as a treat.

The marriage would survive, but he would be really upset. Which know some on here will eye roll at, but he really loves ducks and would be crushed.

To be honest you both sound wetter than a duck, and deserve each other. He has no right to tell you what you can and can’t eat, and you are an idiot to go to such ridiculous lengths to ‘comply’.

Order what you like and tell him you’re fed up of his controlling your food. If he’s that offended he can go and live with one of his beloved ducks.

My family are usually good at keeping secrets, not always in such a light hearted way, but if you need shit kept quiet they’re the ones to go to!

Just start ordering duck. You've gone off pork.