AIBU to carry on ‘white’ lie about crispy aromatic duck to the DC?

[KellyJs]

If you’re looking for a thought provoking thread this isn’t it, but I am not sure what to do and looking for outside help, as my family just laugh when I try and ask them for advice.

I love a Chinese takeaway, part of the order (as is most peoples right?!) is a 1/4 crispy aromatic duck. DH had pet ducks growing up, and when I first ordered a Chinese takeaway in the early days of our relationship he got quite upset about the duck (he had never had a Chinese before) and refused to eat it.

So ever since then when I’ve ordered a Chinese for myself I’ve told a white lie that my starter is actually crispy pork, and that I took on his feedback re the duck being upsetting for him. He doesn’t eat the pork/duck so I’m not lying to him about something he consumes, but to avoid the unnecessary hurt I thought it was a harmless white lie at the time.

This has now been going on for 12 years, my family are involved, as when we order as a group they all keep up the pretence it’s pork.

However, I’m not sure what to do now DC are at an age they participate in family takeaway nights.

Do I keep up the lie, and tell them it’s pork, as if I tell them the truth one of them will blab to their dad, and my whole porky palace of lies will crumble around me.

I know I’m unreasonable for letting it get this far, but I can’t go back in time.

So AIBU to also lie to the children about the duck?

YABU - you need to come clean to everyone involved

YANBU - it’s to late now, keep lying until you die

Why would he read a menu of a takeaway he doesn’t eat?

To read the order when he placed it, to look to see if there was sometnee he wanted, to check the prices?

I mean it's bloody bonkers he's not noticed in 12 years. The fact you hide to order is absolutely insane. It's a bit duck not a fucking drug deal what else do you hide from him to spare his feelings?

Correction: He can't decide one food animal is ok FOR YOU to eat and another isn't...
He can eat what he wants but is still a hypocrite and shouldn't be inflicting his silliness on other people.

He is selective, so won’t eat chicken either (also had pet chicks when little) but ducks are the top of his won’t eat list, in a Sophie’s choice situation he would eat a nugget over some crispy duck.

Makes it an absolute nightmare at home to cook, as I don’t like red meat and he doesn’t eat white meat

I love a Chinese takeaway, part of the order (as is most peoples right?!) is a 1/4 crispy aromatic duck. DH had pet ducks growing up, and when I first ordered a Chinese takeaway in the early days of our relationship he got quite upset about the duck (he had never had a Chinese before) and refused to eat it.

FFS just because you pandered to him being a giant baby 12 years ago doesn't mean you have to keep doing so.

Next time you have a Chinese, order crispy duck for your & DC, & deal with any objections DH might make by telling him he doesn't get to control whether his kids enjoy duck or not.

He doesn’t like Chinese, after that first one he didn’t enjoy it, so if we order as a larger family group (as in when we go to my mums etc.) he just has chips or fish and chips (depending which Chinese takeaway we use)

So he doesn’t look at the order.

If we are at home I just order for myself, so again he doesn’t see the order.

I also hide the fact he once ran over a group of baby ducklings driving down the M40, told him they were chicks.

All of my white lies revolve around ducks it seems

Oooh this is a good idea, I can keep my porky lies going and let the kids take the heat.

I lost it at porky palace of lies 😂. My DH would find it hilarious I’d been going to such lengths to hide it, yours doesn’t sound like he’d find it funny in the slightest. So I’m afraid it’s stop eating it or lie till you die!! And just hope he never wants to take over the ordering duties or chat to the delivery driver about crispy pork 😳

Order crispy duck next time and say they are not doing the pork any more. Say you'd forgotten how good it was and you may keep ordering that in future, if he doesn't mind. It's a long time ago after all. If he still violently objects just stop getting it. Not worth the hassle if he does find out through the children or as others have said from reading the menu one day, doesn't he pick his own dishes in the takeaway?

I don't understand why you didn't just say that you were ordering duck to begin with.
He gets upset? He'd get over himself eventually.
Ugh, I wouldn't let any bloke dictate what I eat.

The time to make that choice would have been twelve years ago though. It's very difficult to take the "you should behave like a grownup" high ground if you've been voluntarily taking part in a childish (albeit amusing) subterfuge for twelve years.

Sorry OP but this is hilarious! Sneaky toilet duck ordering

I think he would cry!

He is so trusting, that this would crush him, plus knowing his loving wife has been chowing down on his favourite animal would potentially push him over the edge.

God the decisions you make at 19 really do stick with you

"I also hide the fact he once ran over a group of baby ducklings driving down the M40, told him they were chicks"

Is he quite naive and gullible 🤣🤣

What a load of bollocks.

It’s no good op, you’ll have to go veggie.

A Chinese all you can eat place where I went to university did used to serve pork in the ‘crispy duck’ way at lunchtimes. But it was labelled as such…

Just tell him!

I blame his parents.
I remember when my DNs were small, they took me into their garden to see their rabbits. There were 2 lots. I was told this lot have names and are pets and this lot are dinner! I suspect both lots ended up in the freezer though! They are adults now and we are regularly served up meals of all sorts of animals who have been running around their parent's smallholding.

Your DH needs to man up and you need to stop lying to him. He's a meat eater so it's not as if he's against eating animals.

I think the car incident is a case of him wanting to believe my lie over actually believing it, but I keep it up none the less (even wiped the dash-cam footage at the time)

Although yes he is very trusting, especially with me, which sounds awful as I use it for my own benefit.

He doesn’t like Chinese, after that first one he didn’t enjoy it, so if we order as a larger family group (as in when we go to my mums etc.) he just has chips or fish and chips (depending which Chinese takeaway we use)

How can he not like Chinese u doubt he'd tried much of the menu if he's only ever eaten it once. Just ordering chips seems very unadventurous, maybe he needs to expand his food horizons instead of writing off food he's never tried.

Lie till you die!!

and fgs don't listen to the PPs telling you to give up the duck, why the heck should you.

If DH doesn't want to eat duck that doesn't mean no one can eat duck.

Well this is helpful, at least I haven’t totally made it up

I told my kids the Chinese ducks were a different breed to the ones they fed at the local duck pond. Chinese ducks used for crispy duck pancakes are a massive problem in China as they're so nasty and aggressive with their sharp teeth and claws.

Is it too late to switch to that?

that Is a question I ask myself every time we order, how can he not like a Chinese, I’d live on the stuff if I could.

But then again he asks the same of me about Indian food, I don’t like an Indian.

Which means we rarely have it as a nuclear family unit as both are hard to order from for one.

What?

You seriously believe that OP NEEDS HER H's PERMISSION to eat duck?

& you are advising her to kowtow to his ridiculousness just in case he has a hissy fit?

Women - know your place! Thou shalt not eat of the quacking bird, lest thy husband be wrath at your disobedience ...