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Original poster

AIBU to think my DD's teacher was inappropriate?

271 replies

picklesandicecream · 15/01/2023 14:45

Idk what exactly to think of this... my 14 year old DD came home from school the other day absolutely fuming. When questioned on what happened, she told me that her (male) teacher had been really sexist and unfair. She said that when she offered to help carry something to another classroom, she was told to sit down and let one of the boys do it. She then told the teacher that she was perfectly capable and happy to help, but he stuck to his guns and asked one of the boys to carry the box to the other classroom. DD and her friends were outraged and spent the rest of the lesson talking loudly about modern day misogyny and the influence Andrew Tate has on vulnerable men and teenage boys.

OP posts:
GeekyThings · 15/01/2023 14:47

She's right, he sounds pretty sexist. Good on her and her friends for taking a stand!

5foot5 · 15/01/2023 14:49

Was it definitely that he wanted a boy to do the job rather than he just didn't want your DD or one of her friends to do it?

The fact that they then spent the rest of the lesson talking loudly about something that had nothing to do with that lesson sounds disruptive. If she is usually so disruptive this might be why he didn't trust her to go wondering about the school on an errand.

DelphiniumBlue · 15/01/2023 14:50

He was sexist and it might be an idea to flag it up to the head..maybe not even giving names but highlighting that maybe there needs to be some training. Although you'd have thought it would be unnecessary by now, 2023.

Dacadactyl · 15/01/2023 14:52

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I wouldn't mind at all if my daughters teacher thought it was a boys' job to carry heavy stuff.

I agree with that train of thought myself.

Iliveditwizbit · 15/01/2023 14:54

It sounds sexist but 14 year olds don’t always give the full story.
Perhaps the teacher thought she was using the opportunity to get out of a lesson?
perhaps because she’s a little disruptive?

harrassedmumto3 · 15/01/2023 14:55

God, the world has gone mad.

NumberTheory · 15/01/2023 14:56

picklesandicecream · 15/01/2023 14:45

Idk what exactly to think of this... my 14 year old DD came home from school the other day absolutely fuming. When questioned on what happened, she told me that her (male) teacher had been really sexist and unfair. She said that when she offered to help carry something to another classroom, she was told to sit down and let one of the boys do it. She then told the teacher that she was perfectly capable and happy to help, but he stuck to his guns and asked one of the boys to carry the box to the other classroom. DD and her friends were outraged and spent the rest of the lesson talking loudly about modern day misogyny and the influence Andrew Tate has on vulnerable men and teenage boys.

It is an inappropriate remark for a school setting. Unless he does it a lot, the harping on through his class by DD and her mates was probably more than enough feedback for him, though.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/01/2023 14:57

Are you sure you have the full story? And please whatever you do don't write a strongly worded letter to the head and tell your daughter that talking loudly throughout lessons is massively disruptive.

Redlocks30 · 15/01/2023 14:58

DD and her friends were outraged and spent the rest of the lesson talking loudly about modern day misogyny and the influence Andrew Tate has on vulnerable men and teenage boys.

It sounds like your daughter is a bit of a trouble maker and there are other reasons why the teacher didn’t choose her.

Hippywannabe · 15/01/2023 15:00

VladmirsPoutine · 15/01/2023 14:57

Are you sure you have the full story? And please whatever you do don't write a strongly worded letter to the head and tell your daughter that talking loudly throughout lessons is massively disruptive.

I agree, I am sure she is assured that Mum will back her up.no matter what.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 15/01/2023 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Post deleted for troll hunting.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/01/2023 15:02

Regardless of sex, the teacher isn't going to ask the student who he knows will turn it into a song and a dance. Yes it was sexist to be a lad Inver a girl on principle that their penis help them carry heavy stuff, but your daughter is lucky to not have been sent to the head or given a detention for being so disruptive in class.
Also I wouldn't go around telling people Mr Hobbs had been inappropriate with your daughter as it brings to mind something more sexual

findmybalance · 15/01/2023 15:02

I work in a school.

I'd be interested to hear the other side.

Could it be that tbe boy was already selected and dd volunteered and was asked to sit back down and the job had already been given?

Either way, if dd did indeed continue to talk loudly about Andrew Tate (whatever he has to do with anything, as if he is tbe first misogynistic arse to walk the planet).she disrupted the lesson and misbehaved.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/01/2023 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Post deleted for troll hunting.

It's certainly an odd thread to have to name change for.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 15/01/2023 15:06

Could it be that tbe boy was already selected and dd volunteered and was asked to sit back down and the job had already been given?

This is what i was about to say. Always helps to get the full story not a one sided version. The fact they were boys may have had nothing to do with why they were chosen.

MissyB1 · 15/01/2023 15:06

Oh because teenagers are always right and don’t ever embellish the story, or only see it from their perspective? 🙄

I suspect the teacher wanted that particular child to carry the box for a specific reason, and that reason is none of your dd’s business. You should be focusing on the fact that your dd then wasted her time and everyone else’s by disrupting the rest of the lesson. Very selfish behaviour.

LondonJax · 15/01/2023 15:06

I think it's more to do with the fact that she seems to think it's OK to disrupt a lesson. If she's so proud of 'talking loudly for the rest of the lesson' I'd be having a word with her about that rather than getting too worked up over carrying a box.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 15/01/2023 15:07

He might have had his own reasons for wanting a particular pupil to do it - perhaps the boy he asked wasn't usually one to volunteer and be helpful and he was trying to make sure these jobs didn't always fall to the same handful of people.

I don't think it's something to get worked up about. If it had been a prestigious task - say, giving a presentation to the class - 100% a 'hill to die on' but not carting a box around. If anything, and if it is the case that the teacher always gives these crappy menial tasks to boys, it's the boys who should be complaining.

icanwearwhatiwant · 15/01/2023 15:08

Hmm I suspect there could be an entirely different side to this story EG the teacher needed to speak to the boy privately so asking for his help was a good way of doing that. Or your dd has a reputation of being late to class and he didn't want to be used as an excuse.

Your dd isn't entitled to know the full facts.

It's good that she's prepared to notice and call out sexism but she does need to be looking for patterns and overall attitudes rather than interpreting every individual act to fit her cause.

Comedycook · 15/01/2023 15:10

Was it very heavy? I have a 14 year old ds...he is already so much stronger than me. I dread to think how much stronger he is compared to a girl the same age as him.

TheMoth · 15/01/2023 15:10

He might have known her friend was in the other class.
There might be a kid who needs to be kept occupied at the beginning of the lesson/ needs to be active/ feel involved, so gets to do the jobs.
Another kid might have offered as they walked through the door.
Kids get worked up over all sorts of things that wouldn't even register for an adult.

KitBumbleB · 15/01/2023 15:12

No bloody wonder teachers are quitting...

I quit teaching and its the best thing I ever did for my mental health

cariadlet · 15/01/2023 15:14

Hard to know whether the teacher was being sexist. It depends on whether he chose the other pupil solely because he was a boy or if there was another reason.

Andrew Tate is irrelevant. Men like him are dangerous because they objectify women and see them as little more than receptacles for men. They are abusive.

Different from the kind of sexism which assume girls and women can't do physical jobs.

When my daughter was at secondary school, she told me of an incident where she called out a male teacher's sexism. (I can't remember what he said but I did agree with her at the time that it was casual sexusm and she was right to draw attention to it).

The difference between her behaviour and that of your dd is that she then (as far as I know) got on with her work.

maddy68 · 15/01/2023 15:14

There may have been another reason. I had a few ADHD boys that benefited from a break and I would ask them to do odd jobs.

It's not always how it seems

IDontCareMatthew · 15/01/2023 15:16

KitBumbleB · 15/01/2023 15:12

No bloody wonder teachers are quitting...

I quit teaching and its the best thing I ever did for my mental health

Sorry we are losing perfectly good teachers

That's not ok

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