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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think my DD's teacher was inappropriate?

271 replies

picklesandicecream · 15/01/2023 14:45

Idk what exactly to think of this... my 14 year old DD came home from school the other day absolutely fuming. When questioned on what happened, she told me that her (male) teacher had been really sexist and unfair. She said that when she offered to help carry something to another classroom, she was told to sit down and let one of the boys do it. She then told the teacher that she was perfectly capable and happy to help, but he stuck to his guns and asked one of the boys to carry the box to the other classroom. DD and her friends were outraged and spent the rest of the lesson talking loudly about modern day misogyny and the influence Andrew Tate has on vulnerable men and teenage boys.

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 15/01/2023 15:43

@findmybalance
I read this bit:
she was told to sit down and let one of the boys do it. She then told the teacher that she was perfectly capable and happy to help, but he stuck to his guns and asked one of the boys

As meaning - DD offered. Teacher said no it should be a boy. DD said that she was quite capable. Then teacher picked a particular boy.

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 15/01/2023 15:43

Depends on the wider context. I’ve got a boy heavy upper primary class this year (2:1 boy:girl ratio) and a couple of the boys have ADHD/Autism and often need a sensory/movement break. So if I want a specific boy to take something to another room it’s often to give him that breather. I wouldn’t say that it was because the object was heavy though. So maybe he had his reasons but worded it in a clumsy way.

paulaparticles · 15/01/2023 15:46

She sounds like a trouble maker. Standing up offering is very forward and she likely pissed him off. Using any excuse to get out. Is she always like this ?

Itloggedmeoutagain · 15/01/2023 15:46

Given the word inappropriate, I was expecting to read he'd touched someone or something!

She has no idea why he wanted one of the boys to do it and as another poster said it's not sexist to acknowledge that boys of this age will be stronger!

Given that she spent the rest of the lesson gobbing off with her friends, I don't blame him for not wanting her to "help" ie get out of the lesson!

Teach your daughter the correct way to address situations where she feels unfairly treated.

Teach your daughter some manners.

I'm a teacher of 25 years plus experience, I've met many like her

ilovesooty · 15/01/2023 15:47

FFS. Your daughter was a pain if she then got her disruptive friends onside to whinge about something irrelevant all through the lesson. Complain if you want but you're only getting your daughter's perspective and I imagine that the school has more important matters to consider.

Comedycook · 15/01/2023 15:50

My dh was out and I needed to move a small bookcase. My ds14 picked it up with ease when I was really struggling and moved it to a different room for me. The difference in strength between an average teenage boy and an adult woman was startling. That's not sexism...it's just biology.

findmybalance · 15/01/2023 15:50

NumberTheory · 15/01/2023 15:43

@findmybalance
I read this bit:
she was told to sit down and let one of the boys do it. She then told the teacher that she was perfectly capable and happy to help, but he stuck to his guns and asked one of the boys

As meaning - DD offered. Teacher said no it should be a boy. DD said that she was quite capable. Then teacher picked a particular boy.

As per one of the many reasons given above, the teacher had decided it should be one of the boys. Dd tried to override that and was told no. Perfectly reasonable behaviour.

Chickychoccyegg · 15/01/2023 15:51

The teacher didn't want her to help so she was outraged and disturbed the rest of the lesson?
Yeah, I'd maybe remind dd to behave in class and remind yourself and your dd that you don't know why he didn't want her help, but he doesn't have to accept her help if he doesn't want to, and it's quite possibly nothing to do with her being female.

2chocolateoranges · 15/01/2023 15:53

The teacher had decided who he wanted to take the box to wherever it was going. Your dd is being unreasonable. Honestly teachers can’t do anything right these days without someone taking offence!

IDontCareMatthew · 15/01/2023 15:54

Op gone?

Notice how she posts and runs....

NumberTheory · 15/01/2023 15:55

Comedycook · 15/01/2023 15:50

My dh was out and I needed to move a small bookcase. My ds14 picked it up with ease when I was really struggling and moved it to a different room for me. The difference in strength between an average teenage boy and an adult woman was startling. That's not sexism...it's just biology.

But this wasn’t something DD was unable to pick up. (Taking DD’’s story at face value, which since she cops on to being disruptive doesn’t seem unreasonable).

I would argue that even if it was the case that it wasn’t suitable for DD on her own, girls need to see that they can work around these issues because some of them may want to work one day in occupations that require moving things about. To be given the message that because you’re female you should be routinely overlooked is really poor.

BraveFaceScaredInside · 15/01/2023 15:57

Bloody nora worlds gone barmy 🙄

surreygirl1987 · 15/01/2023 15:58

Yes it was sexist if that was the fully story. But we don't know if it was. Additionally, I don't think your daughter disrupting the remainder of the lesson is helpful. A mature discussion, on the other hand, might make a difference.

choochooandspook · 15/01/2023 15:59

BraveFaceScaredInside · 15/01/2023 15:57

Bloody nora worlds gone barmy 🙄

it sure has

Maireas · 15/01/2023 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Post deleted for troll hunting

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 15/01/2023 16:02

NumberTheory · 15/01/2023 15:40

Being physically stronger doesn’t make girls incapable of lifting, though. And a pervasive attitude that it does makes it harder for women to get on in jobs that require lifting that is well within their capabilities.

Show quote history

When my wife hands me a jar of mayonnaise to open so that she can make herself a sandwich, am I supposed to hand it back to her still closed and say it would be sexist if I opened it for her?

Loopyloooooo · 15/01/2023 16:03

Meh I mean 14 year old boys are stronger than 14 year old girls, better for a boy to do it. Not something I could get worked up about.

Maireas · 15/01/2023 16:03

It couldn't have been anything heavy because of current health and safety regulations in schools.
The teacher will have undergone compulsory equality training.
Schools are more than aware of Andew Tate.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 15/01/2023 16:03

Your daughters behaviour was appalling. If she had an issue she can raise it with a senior staff member but instead she chose to disrupt the whole lesson and stop those that wanted to learn from learning. What a brat. She should be spoken to about manners and appropriate behaviour too! Sounds to me she was being disruptive and attention seeking. If she was my student I would have pointed her in the direction of how to make a complaint and then told her to settle down or if she continued to be a nuisance asked her to leave the class and given her a detention. She is entitles to her opinion but she is not entitled to disrupt a whole lesson and prevent others from learning.

IDontCareMatthew · 15/01/2023 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Post deleted for troll hunting

GreenWheat · 15/01/2023 16:05

Firstly, maybe the weight of the box made it more appropriate for a bigger and stronger pupil to carry it? In a mixed school that will usually be a boy. Imagine if the teacher had asked a small frail child just because that child claimed to be capable, and they injured themselves? They probably didn't want to risk that.

But either way, another pupil was asked to do a job. When your daughter was told no, she then proceeded to disrupt the class with lippy comments. I doubt she'll be asked next time either.

Bertha21 · 15/01/2023 16:05

My initial thought was it was common sense to let the boy do it if it was particularly heavy. Yes she could have tried but what if she had hurt herself.
Also he is the teacher he had his reasons and there is 30 different reasons within a class.

Newrumpus · 15/01/2023 16:05

GeekyThings · 15/01/2023 14:47

She's right, he sounds pretty sexist. Good on her and her friends for taking a stand!

You cannot reasonably come to this conclusion with the information in the OP. You have no idea why the teacher made the decision he did and it is silly to jump to conclusions over such a trivial issue.

neverbeenskiing · 15/01/2023 16:06

it might be an idea to flag it up to the head

Christ on a bike 🙄
People clearly have no concept of the issues facing schools if they think this trifling non-incident needs to be on the Head Teachers radar.

Eatentoomanyroses · 15/01/2023 16:06

Year 9 girls are a nightmare to teach

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