AIBU to think my DD's teacher was inappropriate?

[picklesandicecream]

Idk what exactly to think of this... my 14 year old DD came home from school the other day absolutely fuming. When questioned on what happened, she told me that her (male) teacher had been really sexist and unfair. She said that when she offered to help carry something to another classroom, she was told to sit down and let one of the boys do it. She then told the teacher that she was perfectly capable and happy to help, but he stuck to his guns and asked one of the boys to carry the box to the other classroom. DD and her friends were outraged and spent the rest of the lesson talking loudly about modern day misogyny and the influence Andrew Tate has on vulnerable men and teenage boys.

I have worked in a school and I would never ever consider training as a teacher. And it’s not because of the children. It’s the parents.

The teacher may have been a little old-fashioned. Or might even have had another reason why he didn't want your daughter to run the errand. Her behaviour following the incident, makes the latter plausible. Your daughter was inappropriate by spending the rest of the lesson talking loudly on her soapbox.

Maybe he is sexist. Maybe he has a perfectly valid reason for saying no to a child who seems gobby and asking for help from someone else instead.

Oops it was typo

what I meant was a lot of teachers don't realise how sexist their language is, I often run sessions with teachers and watch the lessons and point out all the things that play into gender roles and some of them are shocked.

Teachers often have pet names that are gendered to.

I can’t keep up with all this outrage; I just can’t get my head around what is and what isn’t acceptable or offensive. I have sons and I have drummed it in them to act like gentlemen - to carry bags, offer seats on trains and buses from being really young, hold open doors, etc. Is this now considered wrong? Not that I care if it is, but it’s useful to know.

Was the other classroom empty? It may be that he didn’t want to be alone with your daughter especially if she is the sort to mistake friendliness for something else as some teenagers do.

You sound more of a pain in the arse than ops daughter tbh.

Do you mean you stand there and tell them not to say she/He but They/Them?
Do fuck off.

I can’t believe this nonsense but then I was brought up in the era when men were men and women were women. If there was some heavy lifting to do in the class the boys did it. The boys might have moaned why the girls weren’t doing it and the teacher would simply ask why they weren’t man enough to do it. I’m afraid we were brought up in the era where a man was expected to open the door for a woman. How terrible! How sexist! It was an old fashioned idea called good manners. There was also an old-fashioned idea that kids weren’t supposed to disrupt the lesson. Obviously that has gone out the window too!

Give this a read, gender socialisation is affecting boys mental health

boyhoodinitiative.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/State-of-UK-Boys-Long-Report.pdf

Really? What training is this?
We do compulsory online training now - it's those purchased videos, the teachers watch them and do the online quiz which they need to pass. We are not only aware of gendered language, but also the fact that many students identify differently, so gender means different things nowadays.

What schools employ you to do this, and how can they afford the time and money?

Its sex not gender by the way

I agree with other posters, OPs daughter sounds like a disruptive pupil who may have been trying to get out of class to do the task, so it was given to someone else.

You should make your daughter write an apology to her teacher.

She was disrespectful and ruined the lesson for the whole class. It is clear why he didn't want her to get up and move the box. She would have clowned around and made it into an attention-seeking show, right?

YABU. Physical strength isn't everything but boys are stronger. Get over it.

Thanks but I wont be reading anything about 'Gender'.

Thank the Lord!

In fact no what is affecting BOTH Girls and Boys 'mental health' is the lies being spewed to them in schools from a very young age now that they can be whatever Sex they want, not just sex but ANYTHING! That is what is affecting Children and Young peoples mental health ,its fucked up and I'm glad my kids are old enough to not believe this shit.

Teacher shouldn't have said to let the boy do it and give the implication that a job could only be done by a boy, assuming that's what happened. He might of had any number of reasons for asking that student, none of which is up for discussion with other students.

But a student who argues back to get a job leaving the classroom and then spends the remainder of the lesson disrupting, being passive aggressive, trying to sound clever by invoking Andrew Tate (which has nothing to do with the situation) and generally seeking confrontation sounds like a pain in the ass.

On balance I'd say it was very sensible not to give a job leaving the classroom to a student who proves they can't behave themselves responsibility in class.

Am staggered so many people seem to think this was acceptable on the teacher’s behalf (and, of course, this being mumsnet, seem to think they should then weigh in with opinions on a question the OP didn’t ask, about her DD’s response). I think it’s appalling on the part of the teacher.

The teacher runs the room. There is no mention in the OP of ‘this boy must take this box because of his superior strength’. It sounds to me like the girl involved was just enjoying making a fuss. She needs to be told that the teacher decides who does what, because they are the teacher. And that’s that. It is not a student’s role to then rail at the teacher and disrupt the lesson. If they feel they have a valid point to make they should speak to the teacher at the end of the lesson, not turn the room into a bear garden.

Tell your child that the teacher runs the room. End of.

So glad teachers get this sort of input sometimes, Mother. I was quite shocked how poor our DDs’ primary school was. Especially after their nursery had been really hot on it.

What do you think was appalling?

You have absolutely no idea why OPDD was told no and a boy was sent. None.

With parents like this OP it’s no wonder teachers quit the profession.

For starters, I think your daughter is a rude little madam for talking loudly during a lesson.

And there's reasons for this male teacher to prefer one of the boys to carry stuff. Off the top of my head -

1. boys have significantly more upper body strength and it is less effort for them, and less likely to injure their back.
2. not wanting to be alone with a female pupil, possibly opening himself up to accusations of inappropriate behaviour.
3. your daughter is perfectly happy to talk loudly during a class, a bit of a Catherine Tate's 'Lauren' character and he'd rather not spend a second more around her than he has to.

Maybe he knew your daughter was disruptive and wanted to say hi to all her friends in the other friends so asked her to sit down and mind her own business. If she wants to run a class she can become a teacher herself. No? I didnt think so.

Lots of children have lifting and carrying where ever possible as part of their OT target, particularly if ADHD or Autistic. You or your daughter would never need to know that, but the teacher would.