AIBU to think my DD's teacher was inappropriate?

[picklesandicecream]

Idk what exactly to think of this... my 14 year old DD came home from school the other day absolutely fuming. When questioned on what happened, she told me that her (male) teacher had been really sexist and unfair. She said that when she offered to help carry something to another classroom, she was told to sit down and let one of the boys do it. She then told the teacher that she was perfectly capable and happy to help, but he stuck to his guns and asked one of the boys to carry the box to the other classroom. DD and her friends were outraged and spent the rest of the lesson talking loudly about modern day misogyny and the influence Andrew Tate has on vulnerable men and teenage boys.

[BillyNotQuiteNoMates]

@picklesandicecream

Idk what exactly to think of this... my 14 year old DD came home from school the other day absolutely fuming. When questioned on what happened, she told me that her (male) teacher had been really sexist and unfair. She said that when she offered to help carry something to another classroom, she was told to sit down and let one of the boys do it. She then told the teacher that she was perfectly capable and happy to help, but he stuck to his guns and asked one of the boys to carry the box to the other classroom. DD and her friends were outraged and spent the rest of the lesson talking loudly about modern day misogyny and the influence Andrew Tate has on vulnerable men and teenage boys.

Why don’t you just have a quiet word with her teacher and asked HIM what was said. The way that reads could be that he wanted “a boy/ any boy’ to do it, rather than “a girl/ any girl” , but the wording could equally mean that he wanted a specific person to do it, regardless of their gender, rather than your DD specifically - possibly because one is more reliable than the other/ needed a break from the classroom or a million other reasons why this may have happened.
Maybe a word with your daughter, telling that her actions afterwards, are not the best way to deal with situations like this, and are unlikely to result in her being viewed as anything but a trouble maker.

[Twiglets1]

@picklesandicecream

Idk what exactly to think of this... my 14 year old DD came home from school the other day absolutely fuming. When questioned on what happened, she told me that her (male) teacher had been really sexist and unfair. She said that when she offered to help carry something to another classroom, she was told to sit down and let one of the boys do it. She then told the teacher that she was perfectly capable and happy to help, but he stuck to his guns and asked one of the boys to carry the box to the other classroom. DD and her friends were outraged and spent the rest of the lesson talking loudly about modern day misogyny and the influence Andrew Tate has on vulnerable men and teenage boys.

I expect he had another reason to ask the boys to do the job but your daughter and her friends turned it into a drama which teenage girls love. You could always ask to talk to the teacher about it instead of speculating on his motives on here.

[Passthechocolatesplease]

@harrassedmumto3

God, the world has gone mad.

This.

[ZeroFuchsGiven]

Your dd and her friends sound like pains in the arse, disrupting lessons.

DD and her friends were outraged and spent the rest of the lesson talking loudly about modern day misogyny and the influence Andrew Tate has on vulnerable men and teenage boys

That will be the reason he wanted someone else to leave the classroom, not through sexism but because he knew the girls would fuck about rather than just doing the job.

[MotherOfRatios]

OP this is better in the feminist chat.

what Mumsnet doesn't understand the younger gen isn't tolerable of this type of stuff it is sexist.

Gender socialisation or roles/jobs does play a part in toxic masculinity

[lanthanum]

Before you wade in, check out exactly what happened, or at least give the school a chance to put their side.
Did he say "no, it's heavy, one of the boys can do it" or "no, Harry can take it"?
You will look very silly if the reason the boy was asked is because he had completed his work and she hadn't, or even if there were several people who volunteered and he just happened to pick a boy on this occasion.

[Maireas]

@MotherOfRatios

OP this is better in the feminist chat.

what Mumsnet doesn't understand the younger gen isn't tolerable of this type of stuff it is sexist.

Gender socialisation or roles/jobs does play a part in toxic masculinity

Which the teacher knows all about.
Plus, no-one is lifting anything heavy unless they are caretaking staff.
It's just nonsense.

[Ted27]

@DottieUncBab

I think you are describing a different situation.
the average 14 year old boy is likely to be taller and stronger than your average 14 year old girl, we dont know what was in the box, how heavy it was or how far it had to be carried.
I have an 18 year old son who was taller than me when he was 14, at which point I handed over heavy lifting duties to him because its easier and quicker than me struggling to shift something to prove a point.

[IDontCareMatthew]

How will she cope in the real world where there are specifics in jobs that cannot be done by males....and can't be done by females

It's not sexist!!! But will this 'new hen' kick off? They won't get far...

[Dacadactyl]

@MotherOfRatios

OP this is better in the feminist chat.

what Mumsnet doesn't understand the younger gen isn't tolerable of this type of stuff it is sexist.

Gender socialisation or roles/jobs does play a part in toxic masculinity

I agree that gender roles to a degree play a part in toxic masculinity, but biology plays a part.

Who would you rather come to rescue you in a fire...me at 5'7 and 9st 10lbs, or my husband at 6'4 and 16st?

[BellePeppa]

The fact that she was ‘fuming’ and talking loudly about mysogeny (sp?) sounds like she’s been devouring a bit too much wokery. Tell her to stop disrupting the class and get on with her work.

[IDontCareMatthew]

Who would you rather have perform a rundown search on you...or your dd?

A female? Or a male?

[IDontCareMatthew]

Or a they/them? Fgs

[BellePeppa]

@Ted27

@DottieUncBab

I think you are describing a different situation.
the average 14 year old boy is likely to be taller and stronger than your average 14 year old girl, we dont know what was in the box, how heavy it was or how far it had to be carried.
I have an 18 year old son who was taller than me when he was 14, at which point I handed over heavy lifting duties to him because its easier and quicker than me struggling to shift something to prove a point.

Me too. My sons were handed heavy duties, including my complete inability to remove tight bottle tops, because they have been physically stronger than me since puberty.

[MotherOfRatios]

@Maireas

Which the teacher knows all about.
Plus, no-one is lifting anything heavy unless they are caretaking staff.
It's just nonsense.

Ummm I work on this kind of things teachers don't realise how sexier their language can be

[Justalittlebitduckling]

It might be that the teacher wanted to give a job to a particular boy for some reason and worded it clumsily, or your daughter misinterpreted what they said. I was a teacher for seven years and I’ve never seen year 10 boys happier than helping me dump an old TV and stand into a skip. Sounds like your daughter and her friends created outrage and drama after the incident and there is so much of that in the classroom. This isn’t Andrew Tate level sexism.

[BellePeppa]

@IDontCareMatthew

Who would you rather have perform a rundown search on you...or your dd?

A female? Or a male?

I don’t understand that, what is it?

[Maireas]

@MotherOfRatios

Ummm I work on this kind of things teachers don't realise how sexier their language can be

That makes no sense.
Either the OP is lying, the daughter is, or the teacher is playing fast and loose with their career. He will be more than aware of factors involved unless he is completely stupid.

[Whenwherewhy]

@MissyB1

Oh because teenagers are always right and don’t ever embellish the story, or only see it from their perspective? 🙄

I suspect the teacher wanted that particular child to carry the box for a specific reason, and that reason is none of your dd’s business. You should be focusing on the fact that your dd then wasted her time and everyone else’s by disrupting the rest of the lesson. Very selfish behaviour.

Totally agree. Your daughter and her friends behaved badly and disrupted the learning of others. You should be telling her off about this not trying to scapegoat a teacher for doing their job.

[maddy68]

@MyOpinion1978

My daughter was in therapy for severe anxiety and OCD when she was in Year 10/11. She was embarrassed about having to leave class due to panic attacks, so she and her teachers agreed a system where she’d give a signal and they’d ask her to take a message to another teacher/go and get the textbooks etc., so that she could leave for a while without any drama.

Exactly.

Parents sometimes receive a second hand story and cause drama

This parent sounds as much as a pita as her daughter.

I have left teaching as it's thankless it's these added stresses that made me leave a job I loved

[VincaBlue]

@Iliveditwizbit

It sounds sexist but 14 year olds don’t always give the full story.
Perhaps the teacher thought she was using the opportunity to get out of a lesson?
perhaps because she’s a little disruptive?

Agree with this apart from she sounds extremely disruptive rather than a little. Probably why he didn't want her leaving the lesson.

[Upsidedownagain]

Yes YABU. Was it a white boy? Maybe he's being racist too? Or maybe he didn't need your dd interfering in his decision making. Perhaps she was trying to avoid work by doing so, and he sussed this?

[Thon]

Yes, wise up

[Cozytoesandtoast00]

@Andsoforth

It’s not sexist to acknowledge that teenage boys, post puberty, are physically stronger than teenage girls.

This. Boys are generally stronger. Fact.

[NumberTheory]

@UnicornsHaveDadsToo

When my wife hands me a jar of mayonnaise to open so that she can make herself a sandwich, am I supposed to hand it back to her still closed and say it would be sexist if I opened it for her?

You’d be sexist if you stopped her from opening any jars, even those she can manage, because you’re a man and can open ones she can’t.