AIBU to not want a man and his son using girls changing rooms

[shatteredmama]

Took dd 7 for her swimming lesson, there are separate open plan girls and boys changing rooms (it’s in a school). Was surprised to see a man come in with his young son for him use the showers.

I felt uncomfortable with this, especially as the boy goes to the same school as dd. Also pissed off at the air of entitlement from the man. Couldn’t think of any valid reason for both males to use the girls room.

No other women in there batted an eyelid though. I’ve emailed the swim school to complain but not heard anything back.

Its left me second guessing myself and wondering if I’m making a big deal out of this, and given it was children only getting changed, not women, or the man thankfully!, does that make it ok??

Why on earth didn’t you say something? As you say, there’s no conceivable reason for them to be there.

Did they make a mistake? That just sounds random... it just needed someone to say "boys is across the hall" or whatever.

I can't think of a single reason why they didn't both go in the men's.

Yeah, that is seriously odd.

It must’ve been a mistake, as it’s so odd.

I'd have told him to use the men's.

This is Mn so of course you’re going to be in the right

maybe assess though why no one else cared, I’d not give a shiny shit if this happened so not sure what the drama is about

Did nobody ask him why he was there? That's pretty odd too. As is repeated every time this comes up, the general rule of thumb is children under 8 go into the changing room of their parent, after 8 they go in the correct one for them.

Why didn't you point out to the man that he was in the ladies' changing room OP?

She probably didn’t feel brave enough for the confrontation?

I wouldn’t have, either.

Oh always this… 🙄so exhausting hearing from posters who seemingly think it’s ‘drama’ for not wanting grown-assed random men around your little girl when they’re getting changed.

At the school where DC did swimming one of the changing rooms would only be partially open and the showers in that one were closed as they'd been cleaned at the end of school. All the children showered in whichever one was still open, they shower in their swimsuits anyway so not a big deal.

Well it is drama, if the OP was the only one to have an issue maybe she needs to reassess

Well it is drama, if the OP was the only one to have an issue maybe she needs to reassess

Well I'm not clear on how OP let it be known she was unhappy, when she didn't say anything. In the same vein, the fact that others said nothing too and appeared not to care doesn't necessarily mean they didn't care.

But if it was a mistake that would have become obvious to the man very quickly.

Surely if this were the case, he'd have immediately turned around, apologising profusely?

Any man who thinks its ok to walk into a room where u consenting women and girls may be in a state of undress has ready told you what kind of man they are and its with good reason women and girls do not speak up. Because they don't feel safe to do so.

Its not OK. And silence is not consent.

Anyone who thinks it's acceptable for an adult male to be present when young schoolgirls are in a state of undress is as bad as the adult male imo. I (and all my friends) would have been mortified if a young boy, let alone ann adult male, had walked into our changing room while we were changing.
Why the hell should females of any age be expected to tolerate this?

"Oh hi Jack and Jack's Dad, this is the girls, lads is next door" and smile. Sorted.

Only on MN can a man do something so wrong and still its the womans fault 🙄

Thank you for emailing the swim school. This is not ok behaviour.

Girls need protecting from men like this.

I bet he didn’t know there was another changing room. Someone should have told him - he probably felt uncomfortable too.

It's a sad day when the right for women and girls to be naked without fear is considered a luxury

This is the problem right here. When actual women don't have the brain capacity to work out why it's wrong. Makes it easier even harder to fight for our daughters than it already is. Yuck.

Probably an innocent mistake. Why didn’t you say anything?

Lol weird, people not minding men being around their child half naked.
What else would people allow in the name of being cool and inclusive? Let a stranger take them to the toilet, send them for a sleep over with people you don't know....I'm curious for those with no boundaries where the boundaries ACTUALLY lie?
Nah you're alright I'm happy being old fashioned and keeping my babies safe.