AIBU to not want a man and his son using girls changing rooms

[shatteredmama]

Took dd 7 for her swimming lesson, there are separate open plan girls and boys changing rooms (it’s in a school). Was surprised to see a man come in with his young son for him use the showers.

I felt uncomfortable with this, especially as the boy goes to the same school as dd. Also pissed off at the air of entitlement from the man. Couldn’t think of any valid reason for both males to use the girls room.

No other women in there batted an eyelid though. I’ve emailed the swim school to complain but not heard anything back.

Its left me second guessing myself and wondering if I’m making a big deal out of this, and given it was children only getting changed, not women, or the man thankfully!, does that make it ok??

Explain to me how you tell the difference between a transwoman and a sexual predator claiming to be a transwoman?

Given that paedophiles and sexual predators are happy to train for years to qualify in professions which give them access to children or vulnerable adults I wouldn't describe putting on a dress an "elaborate plan". Stop being so naive.

I am saying a person who was raped would never describe their safety as a 'straw man' argument. Because they, of all people, would not even think that way, because of their trauma, they know better. It wouldn't even enter their mind. It would not enter their mind that womens safety is a 'straw man' argument. A man would minimise a rape victim's trauma as a 'straw man', a woman, never, ever, ever, Ever would.

I would have said excuse me, this is the ladies change room. You need to go to the mens.

FOJN

Thank you, perfectly put and taken on board

What is fundamentally wrong with people seeing each other naked? Can someone answer that? Bodies are not inherently sexual. The more they’re normalised and not seen as something to be embarrassed of, ashamed about or clandestine the better imo.

would you go to Tesco naked? If there’s nothing wrong with it? I dare you.

I do understand that some people are nudists. Fine. I’ve gone to a nudist beach and am perfectly fine with it. But that’s not the situation here. The women here had no choice, no say, no option. That’s wrong. The majority of women don’t want strangers of opposite sex to see them naked And that’s their prerogative

Maybe the showers in the boys changing rooms were broken and he just needed to get his son in and out?

This is what all paedophiles want, to groom society to let men everywhere without so much as a comment.

There were very good reasons why women were given single sex spaces.
Those reasons still exist & are as valid today as they ever were.

There is never a good reason for anybody born male who is a teen or adult to be using a womens changing room.

So rather than accepting people have different views you resort to insinuating they’re lying? Do you think that’s actually going to get anyone on your side, let alone other rape victims who don’t agree with you? Do you think that’s an effective way to have a discussion or a debate? Do you think everyone who’s been raped is a homogenous blob who all thinks and feels the same? You should be ashamed of yourself invalidating someone else’s trauma. Disgusting.

I’m not talking about Tesco, I’m talking about changing rooms. Nudity is an expected and accepted state in them, so why is it fundamentally wrong for men and women to be in there together? Nudity does not mean predatory or inappropriate behaviour becomes acceptable.

@breadandroses93 it's chronic. Very very clear how many people on mumsnet don't actually know many trans people on a personal level.

I’ve also lived in Hungary where this was pretty common (70% of the pools I visited)

Odd, I've lived in Hungary and have never seen open plan unisex changing rooms where people are actually expected to change in full view of members of the opposite sex. Yes sure many countries have unisex changing rooms, but with cubicles, so the actual changing takes place in those. That's not the situation OP describes.

Oh the irony. Because you don’t appear to appreciate that others have different views from your non mainstream view. But hey, you’re cool right?

Sorry but I do feel there is something inappropriate about someone else seeing me naked who I don’t know if they are of the opposite sex. Women especially need privacy when they are changing even then these so-called ‘liberated’ times.

No. Nudity is expected in single sex changing rooms in the uk. It is not expected outside of cubicles in unisex changing rooms in the uk. Getting naked here would be just as odd as Tesco

It's completely out of the question for a man to be in the girls changing rooms.

It was illegal
His presence was a deep safeguarding no no and was a breach of the equalities act which requires separate single sex facilities to be provided.

There is only one reason why a man would force girls to change in front of him.
Ask any decent dad.

I would have asked the perv what he thought he was doing going in the women’s changing room.

Men don't wear badges to say they are safe to be around in such a situations where privacy and nudity are present. Women should not be put in a position where this is questioned to the nth degree. It wasn't a unisex changing room.

Men never see this encroachment as an issue. I've read Men laugh about it, think it's not important, question why do women feel unsafe.

Why do we have to put up with this? The tale as old as time: we are seen as pushovers, meek and mild, Be Kind(!!!!) and hysterical (like some poster said earlier).

Fuck off. I will never accept biological males in a female only space.

This is not about trans people. This is about biological men and the power difference they have over women. Trans people is a red herring.

The more they’re normalised and not seen as something to be embarrassed of, ashamed about or clandestine the better imo.

It has nothing to do with shame or embarrassment and everything to do with appropriate boundaries and not giving groomers a single second of opportunity. It's safe guarding 101.

Paedophiles do not care if their grooming bears fruit for them, they are quite happy they have done the ground work for another child abuser. You should listen to some interviews with them, it's chilling and they are fucking vile.