AIBU to not want a man and his son using girls changing rooms

[shatteredmama]

Took dd 7 for her swimming lesson, there are separate open plan girls and boys changing rooms (it’s in a school). Was surprised to see a man come in with his young son for him use the showers.

I felt uncomfortable with this, especially as the boy goes to the same school as dd. Also pissed off at the air of entitlement from the man. Couldn’t think of any valid reason for both males to use the girls room.

No other women in there batted an eyelid though. I’ve emailed the swim school to complain but not heard anything back.

Its left me second guessing myself and wondering if I’m making a big deal out of this, and given it was children only getting changed, not women, or the man thankfully!, does that make it ok??

And in the pools in Hungary with separate facilities, did men just stroll into the women's changing rooms on a whim, with nobody reacting 'hysterically'? Did you ever wander into the men's yourself?

My DS learnt to swim when we were living in another European country and the changing rooms were for boys and girls and both mums and dads were in there. The kids did a fair bit of naked running around. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, it’s just the way things work there (for kids, not for grown ups). But I’d still be bothered if this happened at my DD’s lessons in the U.K., because one man actively chose to come and be with naked little girls which is absolutely not the norm here. So yeah, I’d be complaining about it.

It was a male in the female changing rooms. Not unisex. Engage some logic there.

Oh and nice use of a gendered word to undermine women there too.

Riding in to defend the down trodden men folk isn't going to cut it.

The male was in the wrong; I wonder if he got a little bit of a feeling out of his unwanted presence...

Right @DrWhitWho . Unisex. Completely and utterly different situation to the one the original poster is talking about.

But surely it isn't unreasonable to not want a man in a woman's changing room where people have just showered and are getting changed? Can you honestly not comprehend why some women would feel very uncomfortable with that?

Exactly. Social norms make such a difference.

It’s not just social norms though is it?

Should someone who was a victim of rape be put into that situation of getting changed in a single sex space to have a man encroach on that space which should be safe for her?

@DrWhitWho So you'd not give a shiny shit that a man walked in to where women and girls are naked and getting changed? Are you really serious?

I doubt very much no other woman or girl cared, they would have most likely been to afraid to say anything given how vulnerable they were.

The disingenuity is strong in this one.

What about the 30% of pools in Hungary that aren’t unisex?

Simply because you're used to women having no rights to privacy or dignity or safety doesn't make it right.

Great example using Thailand with dirty bastards using it as a child rape tourist area.

I had this happen when i took my niece swimming. Wondered why she was taking so long to change - nipped into the ladies changing room and she was sitting in a towel because she didn’t want to change in front of the three dads who were standing in the girls changing room!

luckily a female swimming teacher came in and asked if the men could leave to allow her to change/. They didn’t seem to realise it was odd that they were standing in the ladies the changing room - or understand why 9-11 year old girls wouldn’t want to change in-front of them!

@DrWhitWho I am surprised you are happy to strip naked infront of strange men - but each to their own! But we should respect children’s privacy and understand why your girls don’t feel comfortable with this.

So a third world country then where women have no rights and aren't safe. Your use of the misogynist word 'hysterics' (comes from the word hysterectomy and was used to call women 'crazy' says so much about your dangerous and hateful world view towards vulnerable women and girls. And rape victims such as myself.

Except, it’s not necessarily ‘sorted’, is it?

Because nobody knows how the man is going to react. Especially a man who thinks he’s entitled to be there, in the first place.

How does this need explaining to anyone who actually lives in the world?

Get used to it. As more trans rights usurp women's rights this will be a regular occurrence and we'll be expected to welcome it as progression

YANBU

It was obviously a mistake but as no one said anything then he’s not going to know he did anything wrong.

Ive accidentally gone into the mens toilets a couple of times before and it’s an easy thing to do.

If it was a 'mistake' he would have realised immediately, said 'oops' and walked straight out. Clearly it wasn't a mistake and OP says by his airs it was deliberate.

I'm in UK, the swimming pools in both my local town and hometown are both unisex with cubicles/ open spaces. I'm wondering if he's thought that there was one unisex changing room in this case but yeah I find it strange noone said anything to correct him since that wasn't the case. I will however say that this is exactly what will happen if people continue to argue for trans people to use the changing rooms equivalent to their assigned sex in order to 'protect' female only spaces. We will see more trans men in women's changing rooms and plenty won't look like they belong there. I'm assuming this is not the case in this scenario though.

@Tessabelle74 but surely in that scenario trans men will be expected to use the women's bathrooms/ changing rooms regardless of their appearance... or does your logic only apply to half of the trans population? Did you forget that transmales exist?

Some pools in Hungary have unisex changing villages with Private cubicles to get changed in and lockers in the communal area. Same as in the UK.

This is NOT the same as a single sex open plan rooms where adults and children of the same sex get changed together and adults// older children of the opposite sex are not allowed. Which is what the OP is describing.

So @DrWhitWho , please do post a link to any of the 70% of pools in Hungary which have Unisex public changing without cubicles. Or even where nudity is allowed in mix sex bathing areas / days .

I don’t really buy that to be honest. The leisure centre in my town also only has one unisex changing rooms. While there may be some “open areas” of benches and showers (shower in swimsuits not naked) it is very obvious that nobody gets changed in the open bit. There are dozens and dozens of cubicles and people get changed there.

if a man walked into the ladies in the mistaken belief it was a unisex one then I really think the sight of women in states of undress would have been a massive clue.

@Cw112
I think you meant transwomen. That's the problem with others just making up new meanings for words. No one has a blooming clue what means what anymore. Transwomen are the men who want to pretend to be female. Transmen are the women who want to pretend to be men. So, transmen should be in the female changing room, transwomen in the mens.

@Cw112 trans men can use female changing rooms (as they still have female parts) trans men can use female changing rooms as they identify as female, meanwhile those of us that don't want to share our spaces with those with penises are expected to put up with it and get called names if we complain

I am from South East Asia and very familiar with Thailand, having spent time at its most famous uni's female dorms. The poster is lying blatantly.

This happened to me recently. Our swim school has a policy that over 8s go in their own sex changing room. A dad brought his two daughters in to the girls room. I told him he was not supposed to be in here, I understood it was difficult but he could take them in the mens. He had a strop. Turned his back and said he wasn't looking. And eventually walked out huffing and puffing. No one else said a word.
Why is it not ok for his daughters to go in the mens room but ok for him to come in the girls?