AIBU to not want a man and his son using girls changing rooms

[shatteredmama]

Took dd 7 for her swimming lesson, there are separate open plan girls and boys changing rooms (it’s in a school). Was surprised to see a man come in with his young son for him use the showers.

I felt uncomfortable with this, especially as the boy goes to the same school as dd. Also pissed off at the air of entitlement from the man. Couldn’t think of any valid reason for both males to use the girls room.

No other women in there batted an eyelid though. I’ve emailed the swim school to complain but not heard anything back.

Its left me second guessing myself and wondering if I’m making a big deal out of this, and given it was children only getting changed, not women, or the man thankfully!, does that make it ok??

@SeasonsHeatings it’s unfortunate but it is not appropriate for your son to go into the womens change rooms.

You will need to find a pool that has individual cubicles or take your son home in a dressing gown to get changed or use the disabled change facilities.

This.

I’ve never been to a swimming pool in the U.K. that doesn’t have both individual and disabled changing cubicles. I guess the communal ones must be more common in certain areas of the country.

I couldn't take him home in a dressing gown, he couldn't cope with being in his wet clothes.

I'll just make sure any we go to have disabled changing rooms.

The only place in the UK I now see with open plan male and female changing facilities is school pools which can be rented out at weekends for swim lessons.

all public pools I have been to on the last ten years or so have had family style changing rooms with larger family and disabled changing facilities.

Just as a point of reference/interest as I understand there's no legal cut-off in the UK:

I'm in a US state which is debating legislation to require single space usage of any lavatories and changing rooms designated as single sex (this doesn't prevent unisex or family facilities from existing too; they usually do). The bill keeps being sent back for amendment in the state legislature, but my city has passed its own local ordinance. (Which is basically a deterrant ,or a tool to be used in cases where something that is already considered harm occurs, as it's generally unenforceable).

Both sets of laws (would) exempt a "child younger than 10 years of age entering a multiple-occupancy bathroom or changing facility designated for the biological sex opposite to the child's biological sex" when accompanied by a parent of the sex matching the lavatory's designation. (This language is so torturous!) So the law to exclude boys/men from the ladies' and girls/women from the gents applies to age 10 and up.

It seemed to be the general consensus (well, among legislators anyway) that 10 is too old but some 9 and under may the accomodation, although I know many people think it should be younger. There are separate exemptions for disabled people with an opposite-sex carer, because the disabled facilities are usually inside the sex-specific multi-cubicle areas, and not key-secured from the outside.

*some 9 and under may NEED the accomodation..

Nudity is an expected and accepted state in them, so why is it fundamentally wrong for men and women to be in there together?

Because 98% of sexual crimes are committed by men/boys.

Sexual crimes include voyeurism and flashing.

How about the people who think male and female changing facilities are not sufficient for their needs get off their arses and campaign for additional facilities, I'm happy to lend my voice of support but I am not going to acquiesce to ransom demands. Woman are saying no

This.

This 100%

To anyone who still doesn't understand just how vulnerable women are to males, read this thread. The stories in the thread (that have made me cry with grief and sadness for these teen girls and women) of sexual abuse, of groping, of a male stalking a woman on trains and following her to a train station and supermarket and police taking the stalker's side, to accosting/over-powering and dragging a woman somewhere, etc, show just why so desperately VITAL is that women have spaces away from men. It's not about 'nudity' or being a prude. It's about women who are stalked, groped, followed, raped, harassed and abused. It's about men being dangerous to women, and women needing a safe place to escape from men. It's about women being in danger and being vulnerable. It's about the survival for our lives.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4673471-whats-the-most-wildly-inappropriate-thing-to-ever-happen-to-you?page=1