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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband is taking the piss?!?

338 replies

Summer1980US · 12/08/2022 10:31

I’m interested to hear how other mums and partners manage childcare. Currently I do the bulk of childcare while my DH is off playing golf most weekends.

We both work full time. My husband has a busy job and leaves the house at 530am and is back about 630pm. This leaves me to get the DDs(1 and 3) ready for crèche and do drop off and collection every day. DDs go to bed at 7/730 so DH has limited interaction with kids during the week.

At the weekend he leaves for golf on Saturday at 7am and comes back at 2pm. After this he usually requires a nap. He spends some time with DDs between 4-7.

Sundays are usually better and he is only away for a couple of hours in the morning. He does spent a couple of hours quality time with the kids on a Sunday.

I’m so exhausted and overwhelmed from being the main caregiver. I know men are generally less involved with DD, but at this stage I feel like he is really taking the piss!!

OP posts:
PattyMelt · 12/08/2022 10:34

Time for you to have child free plans on a weekend. Leaving at 7am and coming home late.
He needs to step up and do some parenting too.

Fluffyboo · 12/08/2022 10:35

Yes he absolutely taking the piss, and no it is not normal!

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 12/08/2022 10:37

Yes he is.

He may not be able to do anything about his work hours (is he?), but the golf and subsequent nap is riduclous. I would start to make myself unavailable saturdays and leave him to sort the kids. After a couple of weeks he should get the hint.

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 12/08/2022 10:37

He is massively taking the piss. Does he earn tons more or something that he thinks this acceptable (hint, even if he does, it isn't!)

vodkaredbullgirl · 12/08/2022 10:38

Wow I wouldn't be putting up with that, he is taking the piss.

SunshineAndFizz · 12/08/2022 10:40

Every Saturday he pulls this crap?!

You need to nip this in the bud.

Once a month or something would be fine (assuming you can also get time for yourself when you need it).

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/08/2022 10:41

Totally taking the piss! Especially the nap! That would tip me over the edge. He’s coming home from a whole morning/ early afternoon to himself and HE wants a nap? Surely it’s time to take over and give you a nap?

Time to do a hobby is fair enough as long as you get equal completely free now - you should have the same time he has on Saturday on a Sunday, not him getting free time again. Or cut down the amount of time each person has “off” to allow for some family time too.

Can he do anything about his working hours?

MrsH497 · 12/08/2022 10:42

I mean my DH plays golf on his days off (shift worker so it's weekdays) but he doesn't nap after and plays once in the 3 days he has off.

PinkyFlamingo · 12/08/2022 10:42

I know men are generally less involved with DD

Says who?

40anxious · 12/08/2022 10:47

So im guessing on top of all this, you also do all the cleaning, tidying, childcare, breakfasts/lunch/dinners, shopping and the rest of the mental load?

excellentday · 12/08/2022 10:47

Yes, the golf every weekend is taking the piss. Ok so his work hours dictate the week and not much can be done about that, he should be doing some bedtimes in the week though, hopefully he does? But yeah, golf every saturday when he has a young family. Total piss take. Especially with the nap afterwards.

When do you get time to yourself?

CoffeeBeansGalore · 12/08/2022 10:49

I suggest you tell him tonight that you have plans for tomorrow and he can have the day to enjoy his children.

Then tomorrow morning off you go & enjoy yourself. Don't rush back & turn your phone off.
Have fun!

DuckDuckNo · 12/08/2022 10:49

He needs a nap after golf does he. 🙄

Mally100 · 12/08/2022 10:51

I know men are generally less involved with DD, but at this stage I feel like he is really taking the piss!!

This is the problem right here. Its your mentality. Why on earth do you think and tolerate this? You believe in some nonsense like this and enabling him.

parietal · 12/08/2022 10:53

Add up how many hours of 'child-free leisure time' he gets per week. that includes the naps and golf and any time messing about on his phone etc. now make sure you get the same number of hours. And if that means going away for a full weekend with girlfriends and leaving the children with him, go for it.

Munchyseeds2 · 12/08/2022 10:54

Yes he is taking the piss
Every weekend?? Sod that for a game!!

Original poster
Summer1980US · 12/08/2022 10:55

We do have a cleaner so I’m lucky in that regard. I should have also mentioned that we have some help with childcare. On a Sunday afternoon, I have a local babysitter bring the kids to the park for a couple of hours. In the past this was for me and hubby to spend some quality time together, but now all I do is sleep as I’m so tired from the rest of the weekend. It makes me so sad that we never do any family stuff together, maybe once every 1-2 months we will go to the park for a few hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
Summer1980US · 12/08/2022 10:57

I know this sounds like a good idea but what I would really love to do is simply sit down in my house and have a cup of tea with no children present. But maybe I need to find a hobby so I’ve a reason to get out of the house.

OP posts:
Thurlow · 12/08/2022 10:58

Ask him bluntly why he gets 9 hours “off” on a Saturday that you don’t get at any point during the week. His answer will tell you everything you need to know.

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 12/08/2022 10:58

Go to a nice cafe and have a drink instead as a compromise.

I would not be happy with someone long term who had no interest in spending time together as a family.

TooHotToTangoToo · 12/08/2022 11:00

You need to tell him that he can play golf every other weekend as you'll be taking time for yourself every other Saturday so he'll need to look after the dc

diddl · 12/08/2022 11:01

But he does bath/bed every night washes up/loads dishwasher if you've cooked?

He needs to stop with the naps!

Is he not interested at all in the kids?

Brefugee · 12/08/2022 11:03

I would have no patience with this. I would leave the house as soon as he arrives home. Every day for a week, and leave the house before he got up at the weekend. For a couple of weekends.

Then we would have a discussion about what is acceptable in a family environment.

Maybeebebe · 12/08/2022 11:03

nap? is he a toddle?

pinkyredrose · 12/08/2022 11:03

You should have equal leisure time. Have you ever asked him not to play so much?