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Adult son wants to move back mon - fri to ‘get a night’s sleep’
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HippPippy · 05/08/2022 13:58

DS 27 and his gf recently had a baby. As you’d expect they are being woken up during the night. DS has asked if he can move back in mon - fri so he can get a proper night’s sleep so he can concentrate on going to work and do his job effectively.

DH thinks the idea is outrageous and he should just ‘get on with it’ , I feel a bit confused as to why he is even asking. Surely other new parents don’t do this? I get sleep deprivation is hard, but I am not overly enamoured with this idea. But I don’t want to be unsupportive either - how would you respond?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Hercisback · 05/08/2022 13:59

You say no for the sake of his gf wellbeing.

You could also sit him down and explain this is what everyone else with kids goes through.

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StillHappy · 05/08/2022 14:00

Wow. How about he thinks of his wife’s need to get some sleep too and takes the time to do his share of the night-time care?

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AnneLovesGilbert · 05/08/2022 14:00

DH is right. How would you have felt if he’d left you 5 days a week when DS was a baby?!

Have a word with your son and tell him to grow up.

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MrsTimRiggins · 05/08/2022 14:00

I think I’d be giving him a very sharp talking to about being a parent and not thinking it was acceptable to leave it all to his girlfriend. Silly, selfish boy.

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Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 05/08/2022 14:00

I'd respond that if he abandons his partner with a newborn, it's likely to end his relationship. So, no.

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OutofControl3 · 05/08/2022 14:00

No thats ridiculous! My partner still had to go do a days work when our baby's were small and will still be here when our new arrival comes. Its called life

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calmlakes · 05/08/2022 14:00

This is ridiculously immature of him, poor GF.

One night for one specific reason I can see. But dump and run, not so much.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 05/08/2022 14:01

Haven't voted as I don’t see what the options are but DH is NBU.

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DisforDarkChocolate · 05/08/2022 14:01

Honestly, I'd tell him to grow up. This is his life now and while he gets to moan about how hard it is to you occasionally he is being ridiculous. I really feel for his girlfriend, she has really picked badly.

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OopsAnotherOne · 05/08/2022 14:01

You need to ask your son how he plans for his partner to get any rest while he is busy playing part-time parent.

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rickandmorts · 05/08/2022 14:01

I'm 6 months pregnant and I can't imagine my partner wanting to do this because we are a team. What a ridiculous suggestion. I don't think you are being unsupportive if you say no. If you said yes I can imagine his poor partner would feel very unsupported being left with the baby 5 nights a week.

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yonce · 05/08/2022 14:02

If you do that I can imagine your DIL would be rather miffed - if you value a relationship with her / your grandchild, I'd be telling him to sling his hook and grow up!

Don't even entertain him. He shouldn't be leaving his partner at home alone with a new baby to go and sleep at his parents house, that's shameful. Old enough to have a family but wants to sleep at your house? Absolutely ridiculous. You can be supportive by telling him to stay at home with his partner and baby.

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Rachaelrachael · 05/08/2022 14:02

Tell him to man up, stop being selfish and be a Dad to his baby

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Lioupin · 05/08/2022 14:02

Wow!!

What does his gf think? Does she know?

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Beamur · 05/08/2022 14:02

MrsTimRiggins · 05/08/2022 14:00

I think I’d be giving him a very sharp talking to about being a parent and not thinking it was acceptable to leave it all to his girlfriend. Silly, selfish boy.

This, unless there's something else going on or if his gf is in agreement.

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FOJN · 05/08/2022 14:02

His poor girlfriend, I imagine she's pretty tired too. Please don't enable him to fail as a partner and a parent.

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Fireflygal · 05/08/2022 14:02

Agree with your DH. He can't get to opt out of parenting. Assume he had paternity leave?

Tell him,it's tough, the baby and gf comes first..way ahead of work. Ask him to speak to work fo reduce pressure whilst life with a new baby is hectic.

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RenegadeMrs · 05/08/2022 14:02

What is his job? Doctor? Train driver? Something that is critical he is awake and aware?

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ChuckItBucket · 05/08/2022 14:03

Not only do you outright refuse you also read him the riot act -how dare he try and duck out of his responsibilities like that

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OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide · 05/08/2022 14:03

My husband was away working 5.5 days a week when DD was born. He will never forget the feeling he had missing out on seeing her every day. That was necessary. Unless he’s a brain surgeon your son is a selfish git.

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TeeBee · 05/08/2022 14:03

Ha! I'd tell him he can sleep over one day a week to catch up, and then his girlfriend can do the same so that she has a chance to catch up, while he has the baby overnight. He needs to understand that abandoning his partner will cost him a relationship and living with his child.

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Nanny0gg · 05/08/2022 14:03

What's his girlfriend's take on this thoroughly selfish idea?

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karmakameleon · 05/08/2022 14:03

Surely the answer is just no. If you want to offer support, I’d offer it to the mother because she’s probably the one actually getting up in the night.

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HippPippy · 05/08/2022 14:04

Yeah I agree - he should be sharing the work load, but his argument is when he gets back from work he does ‘everything’ for the baby- feeding, bathing, cleaning all the bottles, laundry, cooking etc. it’s difficult because he’s really struggling and does seem to be doing more than his fair share when he can

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mammiaa · 05/08/2022 14:04

I agree with yo ur DH yes it's a bit outrageous that he doesn't want to be there.

On the other hand, he may be working full days and his girlfriend may be expecting him to do half night feeds and nappy changes.

I would ask him why he's so tired, if it's because he's working a full day then spending 3 hours a night awake then maybe you could step in and support his gf during the day.

On the other hand if he's not being required to help on a night but is just finding the baby waking tiring, you need to tell him to get a grip and that's having a baby.

I say this as I didn't expect my husband do help through the nights during the week as he was at work full time, but I did expect help on Friday and Saturdays.

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