Adult son wants to move back mon - fri to ‘get a night’s sleep’

[HippPippy]

DS 27 and his gf recently had a baby. As you’d expect they are being woken up during the night. DS has asked if he can move back in mon - fri so he can get a proper night’s sleep so he can concentrate on going to work and do his job effectively.

DH thinks the idea is outrageous and he should just ‘get on with it’ , I feel a bit confused as to why he is even asking. Surely other new parents don’t do this? I get sleep deprivation is hard, but I am not overly enamoured with this idea. But I don’t want to be unsupportive either - how would you respond?

People like to think that their "parenting" is superior and their kids turned out well because of it. No, it was in spite of it!

If someone is in a safety critical role, they need their sleep. But that is something you consider before TTC. Maybe sleep train the baby - I know it's a controversial idea, but lots of babies do sleep well and therefore there isn't a problem.

If it's just any job, then it is less important (though I'd prefer it if people who drive to work are well rested). I do think that mothers can take more of the load while on maternity leave (again I know a lot of MNers disagree) but five days a week staying with mummy and daddy is a bit much!

So is he only going to stay at his own home on weekends?
There'll be a post shortly about a useless DP pissing off to his mummy and leaving his DP alone with the baby.

There's a big difference between getting some uninterrupted sleep and moving out for 5 whole days a week just because he's tired.

It's also not as simple as napping when the baby naps, especially if her partner won't be home in the evening. When is she going to get any housework done?

What’s his job?
If he’s a brain surgeon maybe he’s got a point.
Otherwise he just needs to get a grip really.

This can't be real!

Nah he's a CF.

I was in the police for over a decade - functioning through sleep deprivation is NORMAL. Funny how women have to crack the fuck on.

He needs to find his backbone and grow up. He's a dad now, as well as whatever he does for a living. He's also a partner to the mum. Imagine fucking off and leaving her with a new baby alone five days a week?

He doesn't get to run home to mummy and daddy. When's her fucking break going to be?

I'm furious on her behalf. And you should be too.

He is a disgrace.

How many working mothers of young children does he think are going to work on a full night's sleep?

He needs a boot up the backside. I'd let your DH handle this one, sounds like he has the measure of him, and your DS might listen more to a man than a woman on this topic. His poor partner.

Haha

no

So his answer is to leave his GF to do it all alone on top of all the overnights and days?

Absolutely not and tell him to get his act together. So his poor wife has to do all the hard work herself?? He needs a firm wake up from you and dh.

Do they have a spare room where he can sleep instead?
How far away do they live from you?

I could maybe understand if he was going home to do his bit after work and literally going to yours at 10pm to sleep but definitely not every night of the week. Once or twice to catch up on some sleep maybe. But then the gf should be getting a couple of undisturbed nights at the weekend in return

So, he wants to abandon his child?this is obviously insane, he's a grown man and a father. He has his own family now he can't be running back home to avoid his own parental responsibilities. Why doesn't he want to spend that time with his baby?

Is there more to it - is it a trial separation? It's the only reason I can think of.

This. He sounds like a man child

My ex was a long distance lorry driver so it was actually very important he had a reasonable sleep. I can see where DS is coming from. All the people yelling here that he should stay home and get up half the time, maybe think if he had a microsleep episode (as Exh did) and killed people? (ex didnt kill anyone obviously) and never asked to sleep at his parents, even though it would have made sense.

Completely agree

Me three!

This “doing more than his fair share” business. How? There can’t be that much laundry for 2 adults and one baby. He also only needs to cook for two - whipping up some beans on toast isn’t going to finish him off, neither is washing the bottles.

His wife is up during the night and then looking after the baby all day, it sounds like she is struggling so he should be stepping up to support her

If GF is on board with it, it's because she's already worked out her life will be easier if he's not around. If she's not, then it's a surefire way to ensure she'll despise you for enabling your lazy, entitled son. How does your son reckon other parents cope? Unless he's superman or a neurosurgeon, he's going to have to grow up and stop running home to mummy because life got hard.

Well isn’t he a peach.

what’s his important and oh so tiring job?

So what did he do to manage his sleep? Presumably he took some personal responsibility for getting sleep somewhere along the way?

As a driver, he would also have had enforced rest periods, so he would have had to use those as well.

If he’s a lorry driver then I would take a different view. But then he needs to restructure things so he takes his share of the load somehow

You must be so disappointed in him, how incredibly immature and unsupportive he is. I can't believe you're even considering it! Unless you want him to move back permanently when his gf kicks him out for this then say no (not that you should even have to ask for opinions!)

If this is anything to go by-he clearly doesn't think he's wrong after all-his relationship with his gf is doomed.

For those saying some jobs would make this ok, I have one of those jobs and didn't get to opt out of night wakings when I went back to work full time on shifts, despite having a baby who woke several times a night. The same goes for my male colleagues when they became parents. You manage the situation between you, you don't run home to mummy and daddy.

I agree, but I suspect you're going to say yes to him anyway.

No is a complete sentence.