Page 30 | Adult son wants to move back mon - fri to ‘get a night’s sleep’

HippPippy · 2022-08-05T12:58:36+00:00

DS 27 and his gf recently had a baby. As you’d expect they are being woken up during the night. DS has asked if he can move back in mon - fri so he can get a proper night’s sleep so he can concentrate on going to work and do his job effectively. DH thinks the idea is outrageous and he should just ‘get on with it’ , I feel a bit confused as to why he is even asking. Surely other new parents don’t do this? I get sleep deprivation is hard, but I am not overly enamoured with this idea. But I don’t want to be unsupportive either - how would you respond?

Middmary · 09/08/2022 16:31

I think your doing the right thing. Telling him no but wanting to explore why. Something else must be going on and they are struggling to cope for some reason. They need help and theres nothing wrong in him asking for it. It takes a village to raise a child and I think we live in a society where its expected you will just cope. Unless you are aroud children ALOT you dont really know what it entails until you have them. And so if you need help, it shouldnt be looked down on

StorieAnna · 09/08/2022 16:47

The most I would offer, if there is no option for a decent nights sleep at home, is one night occasionally. A night for him and a different night for his gf to get a good nights sleep at your house ( Friday or Saturday whilst he is at home)

SizzlingAwayIntheHotSun · 09/08/2022 19:00

Wow 27 got someone pregnant and is running off back to mummy as the baby is interrupting his sleep for his very important job. He needs to deal with the mess he's got himself into and support the mother of his child. Most fathers pick up and do everything to give their wives a break when they get home from work, sounds like the mother of his child needs a decent man to step up and support her, not a man child wanting to run home to his mum. I hope the girlfriend had decent support in place and makes sure she claims maintenance when your son no doubt decides it's not for him.

Madmama10 · 09/08/2022 19:15

You not being unreasonable. If you want to help, offer to have the baby either in the day or overnight so they can both get some rest.

Lennon80 · 09/08/2022 21:31

More to this - my guess is girlfriend wants rid of him and this is a gentle way of normalising him being back at home?

DaughterofDawn · 09/08/2022 21:49

HippPippy · 06/08/2022 12:46

Is what I said untrue? I’m not that immature that I need things to go my way or not, maybe you just like arguing?

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I don't understand why these posters are coming after OP one this. If she was just an awful cruel MIL to the mother in question she would have just shrugged her shoulders and said okay to her son and asked no questions what so ever. If that had happened this thread wouldn't even exist. But she is clearly concerned and looking into it and trying to make sure her son isn't trying to wiggle out his fair share of responsibility. I think some people on here are just bored so they invent drama where it does not exist to entertain themselves. Lol

Dontwanttoberudeorwastetime · 09/08/2022 21:56

DaughterofDawn · 09/08/2022 21:49

I don't understand why these posters are coming after OP one this. If she was just an awful cruel MIL to the mother in question she would have just shrugged her shoulders and said okay to her son and asked no questions what so ever. If that had happened this thread wouldn't even exist. But she is clearly concerned and looking into it and trying to make sure her son isn't trying to wiggle out his fair share of responsibility. I think some people on here are just bored so they invent drama where it does not exist to entertain themselves. Lol

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She’s not been concerned about the girlfriend or baby at all. She’s been quite disparaging.
She’s made lots of conflicting statements about the situation which leads many of us to believe she’s not being honest (perhaps even with herself).
Of course we’re all bored. That’s the whole point of AIBU isn’t it?
I definitely don’t come on here when I’m doing anything better.

marmb87 · 10/08/2022 00:08

This!

paulenny · 10/08/2022 11:50

He is being immature and irresponsible. We have all gone through sleepless nights and still functioned as adults with jobs.

DaughterofDawn · 10/08/2022 12:43

Dontwanttoberudeorwastetime · 09/08/2022 21:56

She’s not been concerned about the girlfriend or baby at all. She’s been quite disparaging.
She’s made lots of conflicting statements about the situation which leads many of us to believe she’s not being honest (perhaps even with herself).
Of course we’re all bored. That’s the whole point of AIBU isn’t it?
I definitely don’t come on here when I’m doing anything better.

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Disparaging? It just sounded like she was fairly critiquing her behaviour. I read all of her comments. They were balanced and kind. She was also equally critical of her son's choices. Trust me I've been diagnosed with PPD and PPOCD in the past. I get it. Being a new mom is hard. But that does not mean we should be off the hook for everything.

Iamdonewiththis · 10/08/2022 13:22

You brought the little self entitled oik up. Why do you think he is that entitled and so unaware of his partner's needs?

Jffs · 10/08/2022 21:19

I didn’t think having one baby was that hard tbh! Not sure why so many are saying it is. They sleep at lunch, there are play mats and all sorts these days whilst you put a wash on. We had lovely long walks and coffee with friends. I breastfed and honestly it was easier when the father kept out of it at nighttime and I certainly wouldn’t have expected him to do “everything” when he got home from work. Help with bath-time, make dinner sometimes, read a story. I felt lucky to be the one that stayed home for an entire year.

Two under two was harder though I must admit. Then I didn’t get any time.

Zonder · 11/08/2022 05:59

Jffs · 10/08/2022 21:19

I didn’t think having one baby was that hard tbh! Not sure why so many are saying it is. They sleep at lunch, there are play mats and all sorts these days whilst you put a wash on. We had lovely long walks and coffee with friends. I breastfed and honestly it was easier when the father kept out of it at nighttime and I certainly wouldn’t have expected him to do “everything” when he got home from work. Help with bath-time, make dinner sometimes, read a story. I felt lucky to be the one that stayed home for an entire year.

Two under two was harder though I must admit. Then I didn’t get any time.

How nice for you that you had such a smooth ride. Unfortunately plenty of people don't share your experiences so I'm not sure it's that helpful. Throw into the mix a baby who doesn't sleep, colic, PND, breastfeeding struggles and goodness knows what else and you can (hopefully) see why it isn't such a doddle for everyone.

Jffs · 11/08/2022 08:51

@zonder to the contrary, I didn’t say it was a doddle. My baby had to be resuscitated at birth and I was stitched front to back. I also had mastitis and bleeding nipples from feeding. I just think people do protest too much. If he’s working all day, in what appears to be a job where he has to keep his wits about him and his partner agrees he should stay at his mum’s then that’s the best solution for them. But as usual the Mumsnet massive pile in with their bitchy comments ripping him apart and scolding the OP for even contemplating considering it. It’s those women that should take a look at themselves and see things from someone else’s perspective, not me love.

Zonder · 11/08/2022 11:21

You literally said I didn’t think having one baby was that hard tbh!

ClottedCreamAndStrawberries · 11/08/2022 11:27

Say no, this is outrageous. He can’t care about her very much if ‘the little woman’ is expected to
care for their joint baby 24 hours a day 5 days a week. My guess is that he’s resentful she got pregnant so quickly into their relationship. Well, tough luck. He also should have been more careful with contraception. I Can’t imagine those two lasting very long.

DaughterofDawn · 11/08/2022 18:43

Jffs · 11/08/2022 08:51

@zonder to the contrary, I didn’t say it was a doddle. My baby had to be resuscitated at birth and I was stitched front to back. I also had mastitis and bleeding nipples from feeding. I just think people do protest too much. If he’s working all day, in what appears to be a job where he has to keep his wits about him and his partner agrees he should stay at his mum’s then that’s the best solution for them. But as usual the Mumsnet massive pile in with their bitchy comments ripping him apart and scolding the OP for even contemplating considering it. It’s those women that should take a look at themselves and see things from someone else’s perspective, not me love.

I agree. There's very much a "mean girls" attitude here. Sometimes I think the women on these forums just come here to rip other women for the sake of being mean. Lol. Like OP literally made the post because she was concerned her son was not being fair to his partner. And then there are posts saying things like "your son is so awful! Why don't you care about your son's girlfriend!" 😂😂 the irony!!! They are clearly just trolls or they have completely failed to read between the lines.

surreygirl1987 · 11/08/2022 19:10

I agree. There's very much a "mean girls" attitude here. Sometimes I think the women on these forums just come here to rip other women for the sake of being mean. Lol. Like OP literally made the post because she was concerned her son was not being fair to his partner. And then there are posts saying things like "your son is so awful! Why don't you care about your son's girlfriend!" 😂😂 the irony!!! They are clearly just trolls or they have completely failed to read between the lines.

I agree too. I read parts of this thread out to my husband and we were both disgusted by thr nastiness. My husband is still freaked out about how close he came to falling asleep at the wheel when he had to go back to work when we had a newborn and he was barely getting any sleep.

HarryPotterDucks · 13/08/2022 00:54

DaughterofDawn · 11/08/2022 18:43

I agree. There's very much a "mean girls" attitude here. Sometimes I think the women on these forums just come here to rip other women for the sake of being mean. Lol. Like OP literally made the post because she was concerned her son was not being fair to his partner. And then there are posts saying things like "your son is so awful! Why don't you care about your son's girlfriend!" 😂😂 the irony!!! They are clearly just trolls or they have completely failed to read between the lines.

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Yep talk is cheap, easy to point fingers etc.

Coyoacan · 13/08/2022 01:12

I read parts of this thread out to my husband and we were both disgusted by thr nastiness. My husband is still freaked out about how close he came to falling asleep at the wheel when he had to go back to work when we had a newborn and he was barely getting any sleep

Does that mean that you and your husband think the relationship of the OP's son with his gf and child will survive him being absent from the home Monday to Friday? And that the gf will be perfectly happy with the OP facilitating his absence from the home?

I can see the OP on here in a year's time complaining that the mother of her grandchild isn't facilitating meet ups

Classicblunder · 13/08/2022 07:33

surreygirl1987 · 11/08/2022 19:10

I agree. There's very much a "mean girls" attitude here. Sometimes I think the women on these forums just come here to rip other women for the sake of being mean. Lol. Like OP literally made the post because she was concerned her son was not being fair to his partner. And then there are posts saying things like "your son is so awful! Why don't you care about your son's girlfriend!" 😂😂 the irony!!! They are clearly just trolls or they have completely failed to read between the lines.

I agree too. I read parts of this thread out to my husband and we were both disgusted by thr nastiness. My husband is still freaked out about how close he came to falling asleep at the wheel when he had to go back to work when we had a newborn and he was barely getting any sleep.

I agree that sleep deprivation is dangerous and bad for your health. That is why I think the load should be shared between parents. How many mothers almost do dangerous things with their babies from sleep deprivation?

GretaVanFleet · 13/08/2022 09:00

I read parts of this thread out to my husband and we were both disgusted by thr nastiness. My husband is still freaked out about how close he came to falling asleep at the wheel when he had to go back to work when we had a newborn and he was barely getting any sleep

Then he shouldn’t have been driving!

DaughterofDawn · 13/08/2022 13:20

GretaVanFleet · 13/08/2022 09:00

I read parts of this thread out to my husband and we were both disgusted by thr nastiness. My husband is still freaked out about how close he came to falling asleep at the wheel when he had to go back to work when we had a newborn and he was barely getting any sleep

Then he shouldn’t have been driving!

Way to completely miss the point.

Babysitter12 · 13/08/2022 19:25

Your son is concerned about providing for his family, he feels this temporary arrangement might help secure his job, thus his earnings and his family.
Keep the door open till he sorts himself and his future. if he jeopardises his job, could mean staying at home forever !

mathanxiety · 14/08/2022 06:08

The manchild is not used to doing low status, invisible work like household chores and other tasks normally left to women. He doesn't feel his efforts are appreciated enough at home because his GF is wiped out and clearly paying more attention to the baby than to him, and it's all come as a massive shock to his system.

He has therefore decided to leave the thankless, exhausting labour to the womenfolk and devote all of his energy to his job, where his ego can get its daily requirement of stroking and he can bask in the attention of his colleagues as they ask about the new baby.

Fixed that.