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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘I dont know if I want to see you again’

496 replies

Monstera1111 · 23/04/2022 09:17

I went on a first date last night - after about 2/3 weeks of endless messaging backwards and forwards (I know). - using dating apps, both in 30s.

he ended up staying over after a couple of drinks in bar (I know) and we had sex (I know). He was getting ready for work this morning and I said are you wanting to do something again? He was like ‘i dont know’ - I laughed and said ‘so thats a no then’ and he went silent.

i just assume he was looking for sex / I wasnt what he thought in the end but was too polite to say. Aibu?

just leaving it now - I like the mumsnet advice of block and delete and I might do that here tbh. He knew full well I was looking for a long term thing and would not have had sex if it was just casual. So annoying!!!!!!

OP posts:
YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 23/04/2022 09:21

Ah mate… this is why I think waiting to sleep with someone (if you’re after a relationship - no problem with a ONS if that’s what you want) is not a bad idea - not for piety but to weed out the dickeheads, the like of which you have encountered.

Dust yourself off, head high, tits out, Onwards!

(and block the fuckboy)

ImAvingOops · 23/04/2022 09:22

Don't put yourself in a position where you are chasing after a man who doesn't want what you want. He was after sex and has misled you if you were clear that you were looking for long term and he let you believe he was also looking for that.
If he was keen he'd have definitely said so. Given his response I would block and move on. And next time don't sleep with someone until you know him a bit better otherwise you are just opening yourself up to be used.
Sorry it didn't work out Flowers

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 23/04/2022 09:23

I love @YellowAndGreenToBeSeen response... tits out indeed, onwards and upwards!

Bluebiscuits · 23/04/2022 09:23

That's very annoying! Yes block, delete, and better luck with the next one.

Theunamedcat · 23/04/2022 09:23

Is it an online dating platform with a report button? You used to be able to report ones who said they wanted more but dumped you after sex

Aquamarine1029 · 23/04/2022 09:24

He knew full well I was looking for a long term thing and would not have had sex if it was just casual.

I'm sorry this happened, but it was casual. There was no relationship here. It was literally your first date, and a shag was clearly all he was after.

I know relationships can last after sleeping with someone on the first date, but if you are really looking for someone serious and long-term, I'd hold off on the sex.

Original poster
Monstera1111 · 23/04/2022 09:25

I was definately clear I wanted a long term relationship.
he got what he wanted (sex) and did the bait and switch. So annoying!!!
he was very convincing!!! Ffs!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Monstera1111 · 23/04/2022 09:26

He was blocked on phone, instagram and unmatched on dating app as soon as I slammed the door on him. 😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
CounsellorTroi · 23/04/2022 09:26

I’m sorry this didn’t work out. But I guess this is the problem with dating apps, they are used both by people just looking for sex and by people looking for a relationship and the twain do meet quite often and it’s a bit crap if you are in the latter category.

Mindymomo · 23/04/2022 09:26

How did you feel the date went?

FrancescaContini · 23/04/2022 09:27

They’re always convincing. Hopefully you got a good shag out of it, though.

Onwards and upwards, eh?

WabbitsAndWeasels · 23/04/2022 09:29

I think dating apps make it harder to work out what people really want tbh. It's easy to write something that sounds like what you want to hear over messages. I don't think you can just blame him for wanting to have sex but not being interested in a relationship, it was a choice you both made without having had that discussion that night. Of course just block if it's not going anywhere, no need to dither about this, he won't contact you again just take away that power if he was ever thinking about it.

Jalepenojello · 23/04/2022 09:30

I can’t see how not having sex would have helped…surely it just means OP might have wasted more dates on this dickhead? At least she knows now and won’t waste any more time on him. i would block and move on OP.

alwaysmovingforwards · 23/04/2022 09:30

Just learn your lesson.
If they say they want a LTR, they’ll wait to have sex.
Actions speak louder than words.
You are always in control of when you decide you are open to having sex, not somebody else.

Legoninjago1 · 23/04/2022 09:30

Oh God. Sorry about that OP. Not the best feeling. Block, delete, do something nice for yourself. Move on.

Thereisnolight · 23/04/2022 09:31

He is a selfish user. You did nothing wrong except to believe him.

Thereisnolight · 23/04/2022 09:31

alwaysmovingforwards · 23/04/2022 09:30

Just learn your lesson.
If they say they want a LTR, they’ll wait to have sex.
Actions speak louder than words.
You are always in control of when you decide you are open to having sex, not somebody else.

Agree

gannett · 23/04/2022 09:32

Hopefully the sex was good at least?

Only shag on the first date if you're happy with the possibility that it ends up being a ONS. I did that plenty of times so never had any complaints about men only being after one thing (after all, it was often me after that one thing as well).

balalake · 23/04/2022 09:33

You have done the right thing. Unfortunate, hope for better fortune in future.

Original poster
Monstera1111 · 23/04/2022 09:36

Really?? I havent seen that before which website??

OP posts:
Soultrader · 23/04/2022 09:36

If you're looking for long term don't have sex on the first date.

Kitten2 · 23/04/2022 09:41

Forget about this one. You did nothing wrong. It just wasn't what you thought it was. Well done for seeing it now for what it was. Onwards!!! Head high

Original poster
Monstera1111 · 23/04/2022 09:42

It was ok

OP posts:
Besttobe8001 · 23/04/2022 09:44

Guys can fake a lot of dates just to get a shag. Waiting doesn't necessarily help. It's not your fault it's his.

Original poster
Monstera1111 · 23/04/2022 09:45

Its so annoying!!!!!

OP posts: