I have been watching this thread over the weekend with interest. Even my Mum and Sisters have been involved!
Being a woman of a similar age and seeing friends having horrific expierences through dating apps - I do have a slightly biased view - as my friends are all sane, professional and rational woman who have been in scarily similar situations. I also coincedentally listening to lalalaletmeexplain’s book over the weekend.
I think what has happened here is that the OP has learned a lesson many of my friends and I have had to learn the hard way - it appear too good to be true and he burst her bubble the morning after sex. It is not right and there has been some deception from his end - its a tale as old as time and plenty of these users around - thankfully they do tend to collect themselves on dating apps, love bomb and promise long term relationships, only to conviently change their mind once they have had sex. She had every right to be upset and disappointed - that was a normal
response to a guy pretending to be very invested in her over a few weeks only to totally change his attitude after sex.
I think over the course of the day she then realised the date and sex were not what it seemed - and him not wanted to see her again was a blessing in disguise. She described the sex as OK and then remembered about the choking. She then went onto be upset that night and read a bit about a situation she had never been in before - which given the turn of the culture and access to porn is probably quite good for her to educate herself.
If my sister, close friend or daughter had messaged me to say they went on a first date - regardless of how it ended - if he did not want to see her again and turned out to be a pig - and they told me he had choked her and then told her all woman like it - I would be utterly horrified and never want her near him again. Especially if she was someone who had no idea what choking was and had never expierenced this before.
I read the website she posted with interest.
He is a pig and was giving off red flags left right and centre in my mind. However, many woman fall for these users and there is a huge element of victim blaming in this sub.
Some users quick to point out they slept with their now husbands on the first date, whilst others shaming her for expecting any different and that even that she has to be the issue if she is ghosted after sex.
Speak to any single woman in their 30s who have used dating apps and I guarentee a huge proportion of them have had this exact copy and paste situation. My Sister works with very attractive and sucessful woman in their 30s who all had similar expierences to the one OP posted about - numerous times and no matter how hard they vetted these Men the outcome was similar. One of them was sexually assualted by a guy she had been on a couple of dates with wrote the whole dating app culture off. Two of them went onto be single mothers by choice at the age of 35 as they just could not deal with this cycle.
I do think the OP can learn from this - but also I think we are dealing with a much larger issue at hand with the quality of Men and how they treat woman.
I have met some lovely Men and have had the luxury of having some very nice long term partners - this was just luck on my end. Nothing magical about my vagina or my character, how long I waited to sleep with them - it was the fact THEY were nice men with integrity. My partnered friends are all in a similar mindset - when they see their gorgeous, talented, loving friend be treated like a mug and a piece of meat from yet another user from a dating app.
femaledatingstrategy has some very good advice and this guy would have been blocked if she had followed their advice.