Dh follows me to bed

[overreactionreally]

So obviously there are times when dh and I go to bed together but sometimes I like to go up first. I like pottering about, having some wind down time to myself. I'll read a bit in bed then doze off. Lately dh has started coming to bed at same time as me (regardless how early) he's in bed in seconds and wants light off straight to sleep. It bugs my routine but obviously I can't say anything as iabu.

Just wondering if there's anything your oh do that annoy you but you don't feel you can say because they are not really doing anything wrong?

Does breathing count? 😂

My DH has started doing the same thing! And it is driving me up the wall! I went to bed at 9.15 the other day and DH followed at 9.45. He used be downstairs until 11.30 or 12.00. Grrrrr!

I’ve spent the last two nights in the spare room

Can you get one of those little lights that attach to your book? DH and I have very different nocturnal habits so we now have our own rooms, which is bliss.

If you want to read get a kindle paperwhite. It is a game changer.

But most things don't come down to someone being definitely right or wrong, and having to quietly be put out if it isn't. In a marriage it is about navigating what works for both of you by communicating. Just talk to him. Does he know how much you get from your evening routine? Do you know why he seems to be needing more sleep recently?

I am a straight to sleep sort of person. My husband has a routine first. It was a bit odd for both of us for about a week then we had a chat. I am very literal, as my husband was saying 'right I'm off to bed' I took him at his word. And is if I was tired enough I would head up too, clean my teeth set my alarm and turn off my light. He would faff for ages. Only it isn't really faffing, it means something to him. So was talked, easy, just talk, he told me what he likes so much about his pottering. I explained that I took him literally. So now the solution is easy. He says 'I'm off upstairs ' or 'I'm going to potter about for a while'. Everyone's happy, no-one being driven up the wall or anything else so dramatic!!

Re word it as you are off for some peace and a read?

@BeHappy91818

Does breathing count? 😂

Definitely!

DH uses our bed like a lounge
We got the second TV in our room just before all the lockdowns. He used to fall asleep in the lounge in front of his crap bang-bang films, and I'd go up to bed in my own time, gently unwind, read, play music, and he'd wake up off the sofa and come up and go back to sleep. Now it's bloody bang-bang films in bed, and I often have to go to sleep ignoring Steven Segal blowing everything up.

Oh and he's one of those sods that falls asleep, snores and you turn it off and he stirs and insists he was still watching it

Sharing bedrooms is so overrated.

When he uses my best mug
It really really annoys me. I put the crap mugs to the front of the cupboard and the nice ones at the back. I can just about handle him using one of the middle ranking mugs, but when he uses one of the top three I want to snatch it away from him.

I sometimes go to bed early and tell DH I’m going up early to do some reading. So if he chooses to follow me up ( which irritatingly he often does) at least it has already been established that my lamp will be on for a while

Ask him what time he is going to bed beforehand and then say ‘oh ok, I’m heading up earlier to read’

@BeHappy91818 🤣

My dp seems to take ages to get dressed. It really irritates me if I'm in bed. He also sits on the bed to put his socks on. Why can't he stand up to do it? I've never known anyone take so long.

He's only getting dressed, but inside I'm absolutely raging. Poor bloke 😂

I can post pics of mug hierarchy

I get this. I had this too and spoke to DH and he said sometimes when I go upstairs, he feels there’s nothing else to do downstairs on his own like he can’t start a movie, etc so he decides to come up too and have a nearly bed time so we end up having to sleep. Now I just take my book downstairs most times.

Also not keen on him using a particular cushion on the sofa. He scrunches it up. It’s pink velvet dh, not a burlap sack
He’s oblivious to all this

They're saving on energy bills just like the olden days 🤣
(Light-hearted)

BlueFlavour, your mug hierarchy delights me. I now will be looking at mine to decide whether they're crap, middle-ranking or top three.

I would have to say something as it would drive me insane :(

No TV’s in the bedroom !
It’s for sex and sleep only.

This would be intolerable. We sleep in separate rooms mostly so not an issue. I feel for you.

@BlueFlavour

I can post pics of mug hierarchy

Please do!!

Why do you feel you can’t say anything to him about this OP? If I were in this situation I would either have a chat with him or when I wanted to go and read would say - right I am going to go and read in bed for 20 mins and so then he knows it’s not lights out straight away. Obviously might not always work if he wants an early night but should be most of the time! Do you feel you can talk to him about things generally?

@humancalculator

BlueFlavour, your mug hierarchy delights me. I now will be looking at mine to decide whether they're crap, middle-ranking or top three.

You mean you don't already? What kind of a heathen are you??

I feel the same about bedtime; sometimes I go up half an hour before I plan to go to sleep to read or watch something and DH comes up and I’m a bit put out but can’t say anything

Mine did that last night (doesn’t usually but he’d had a long day) I lay there seething.
He’s the opposite with mugs, I made a posh coffee last night and put it in my dainty little China mug. He looked like it was going to bite him. Think he was worried he’d break it.