Dh follows me to bed

[overreactionreally]

So obviously there are times when dh and I go to bed together but sometimes I like to go up first. I like pottering about, having some wind down time to myself. I'll read a bit in bed then doze off. Lately dh has started coming to bed at same time as me (regardless how early) he's in bed in seconds and wants light off straight to sleep. It bugs my routine but obviously I can't say anything as iabu.

Just wondering if there's anything your oh do that annoy you but you don't feel you can say because they are not really doing anything wrong?

OP this sounds so familiar! The answer as PP said is a Kindle paperwhite. My DH usually stays downstairs for a good hour and a half after me, but goes through phases of coming up much earlier, and I always feel robbed. I actually can't sleep without reading and even though he complains it keeps him awake, seeing as he is asleep about 30 seconds after his head hits the pillow, I either just carry on, or let him drop off then get the Kindle back out.

But what happens if he uses my favourites out of the top tier?
And I can’t get snotty because it’s so petty
Except it’s not of course

I’d just a announce you are going up early to read in bed for half an hour and you’ll see him in a bit. Might work

Oh god ALL my mugs are crap mugs 😱😳 I had no idea

I suppose the advantage is though, that I don't care who uses them.

@humancalculator

BlueFlavour, your mug hierarchy delights me. I now will be looking at mine to decide whether they're crap, middle-ranking or top three.

I agree some mugs are just better than others!!

@BlueFlavour

But what happens if he uses my favourites out of the top tier? And I can’t get snotty because it’s so petty Except it’s not of course

Embrace your inner petty! He’ll get the message.

Honestly, don’t all long-term relationships and co-habitees have weird, petty rules?

We have 30 mugs. Sent son off to new home with crap ones so husband bought more. Nasty pottery things.
Husband has hording issues (36 Christmas puddings in a cupboard currently). Other than that a lovely man but he farts!
Need separate bedrooms, he won't agree.

@GeneLovesJezebel

No TV’s in the bedroom ! It’s for sex and sleep only.

Here here!

(And reading)

@BlueFlavour

Lower end middle ranker

I have this very mug among my 'for the builders' collection (the builders have been here so long that they have more or less taken up residence, so have their own special mugs, which are different from my Best Mugs - all bone china - which are different from the DC's Special Mugs, which are in turn different from the Mugs For General Use).

Fortunately I don't have a husband to annoy me at all.

I have a friend who has one cupboard in the kitchen that she locks to stop her husband eating the kids' school snacks. You could put the posh crockery in there as well.

@DifficultBloodyWoman

I understand the mug hierarchy. But DH always gives guests the crap ones. He won’t let me throw them away and he does use them. But he shouldn’t use them for guests!!!

My husband does this! And if he's responsible for dressing dc you can guarantee they will be wearing the raggy slightly too small spare clothes and he will be taking them out!!

@Shoxfordian

Tell him you’re going up to read for a while before bed so he doesn’t think it’s bedtime now!

Yeah so if I say that he says that's fine. So I sit in bed reading with lamp on while he tosses and turns next to me his arm covering his face clearing struggling to get off. It's just not relaxing.

Mine does this and it irks me to fuck. He gets to sleep a lot more easily than I do and he snores once he's there, so sometimes when I'm unusually tired I want to go up an hour or two earlier, settle, read, and get to sleep before him. But the moment I'd say "I'm tired, I'm going to have an early night" he'd instantly switch from perfectly normal to yawning, blinking, dozey-looking mode, go " Me too!" and toddle up alongside me. It's so annoying to feel copied. I had to tell him in the end and now he does generally let me do my own thing without trailing along, but I think being told that I'm going to bed does genuinely trigger some physiological "time for sleep" switch for him.

@GeneLovesJezebel

No TV’s in the bedroom ! It’s for sex and sleep only.

Yes I would file for divorce if he watched TV in bed

@Somuddled

I am a straight to sleep sort of person. My husband has a routine first. It was a bit odd for both of us for about a week then we had a chat. I am very literal, as my husband was saying 'right I'm off to bed' I took him at his word. And is if I was tired enough I would head up too, clean my teeth set my alarm and turn off my light. He would faff for ages. Only it isn't really faffing, it means something to him. So was talked, easy, just talk, he told me what he likes so much about his pottering. I explained that I took him literally. So now the solution is easy. He says 'I'm off upstairs ' or 'I'm going to potter about for a while'. Everyone's happy, no-one being driven up the wall or anything else so dramatic!!

I really like how easy it is for you to sort this out. Its so difficult to some of us for what I guess can be so many reasons.

@LampLighter414

If you don't want the lights off you could you know.... Go to a different room?

No spare bedrooms so it would be back downstairs which I can do but I like reading in bed and being alone. I know Iabu that's why it will just continue to bug me.

I will embrace my inner petty. Probably be character building.
I bet your mugs aren’t all crap Doona.

Dh and I do sleep separately though. Thank god.

Because obviously I have duvet cover rankings. And obviously he gets the crap ones. And pillows. Which he moans about.

Nobody would dare use one of my cups. 10 of us. All have our own cups!

Kindle paperwhite and/or a sleep mask for DH.
Or just tell him that 'I'm going to bed to read, so the light will be on.'

Relationships are about relating. I you say what you want you can work out at way of getting it. Just because he isn’t doing something “ wrong” doesn’t mean you can’t talk about what would work for you.

Sorry @BlueFlavour bit your middle ranking mug is fugly!! 😬

But I don’t like patterned mugs!…

My dh broke my all time favourite mug! He felt so bad that he replaced it with a set of Le Creuset mugs (but I secretly don’t like them as much as my old one!… But they cost him £90 so I’ve not said anything!) So I’ve chosen a favourite colour from them, and this is the one I use the most now.

Just go downstairs???