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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh follows me to bed

367 replies

overreactionreally · 20/03/2022 06:41

So obviously there are times when dh and I go to bed together but sometimes I like to go up first. I like pottering about, having some wind down time to myself. I'll read a bit in bed then doze off. Lately dh has started coming to bed at same time as me (regardless how early) he's in bed in seconds and wants light off straight to sleep. It bugs my routine but obviously I can't say anything as iabu.

Just wondering if there's anything your oh do that annoy you but you don't feel you can say because they are not really doing anything wrong?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
MsWalterMitty · 20/03/2022 09:00

‘Fave’ one now!

Dh follows me to bed
rifling · 20/03/2022 09:00

Totally agree OP. I live in dread of DH deciding to come to bed at the same time as me! Love the mug hierarchy. Dh rarely makes me tea and when he does, he puts it into the wrong mug! Very annoying.

I too read my kindle in bed and it has definitely improved the reading experience. I used to read under the covers! I don't have a Paperwhite though, just the bog standard one - what's the difference?

ScarlettDarling · 20/03/2022 09:01

Will someone please start off a mug thread and link it here, I’m so interested in seeing other peoples mugs now!

IcakethereforeIam · 20/03/2022 09:02

I ask him if he wants a cup of tea and he'll say 'oh, you can do!'.

I can feel the fury rise through me, just say yes or no!

JennieLee · 20/03/2022 09:02

I don't think its petty or unreasonable to want quietness or personal space. I couldn't stay married to someone who didn't respect those boundaries.

lottiegarbanzo · 20/03/2022 09:02

Why 'can't you say anything'? Are you inarticulate? Unable to have a chat with someone you love without framing it as a confrontation? Why?

robocracker · 20/03/2022 09:03

[quote Nightdancer]@BeHappy91818 🤣

My dp seems to take ages to get dressed. It really irritates me if I'm in bed. He also sits on the bed to put his socks on. Why can't he stand up to do it? I've never known anyone take so long.

He's only getting dressed, but inside I'm absolutely raging. Poor bloke 😂[/quote]
My dh does this too. I mean it's obviously easier to sit down but ffs I'm chilling in bed! He also throws himself down wherever he sits. Why can't he just sit like a normal person, it's like he just gives up on standing and let's gravity take over.

DottyHarmer · 20/03/2022 09:03

I read a newspaper article a while back on “Things builders know” and no. 1 was that they know you have Special Builders’ Mugs - ie crap ones Blush guilty as charged. I think no.2 was that they know the Special Middle-Class Talking to Builders Voice - ie trying to disguise plummy tones and saying “mate” awkwardly (Dh guilty party here).

whatajuckingfoke · 20/03/2022 09:04

[quote NandorTheRelentlessCleaner]@BlueFlavour I was like you with mug ranking…

Then one day I just splashed out on a dozen top-ranking mugs. The lower ranked ones all went in a cardboard box under the bed.

After 6 months they went to the charity shop

Now we only have nice mugs and life is good

Even guests and workmen get the nice mugs.

It’s mug heaven

Just do it[/quote]
No no, you're doing it wrong!

Everyone knows you're supposed to keep 4-6 crap mugs for DHs who are doing DIY or tradesmen who might make more breakages that usual!

What if they break a good mug? The horrors.

EdenFlower · 20/03/2022 09:05

OP, I could have written your post. DH sits downstairs with me, and no matter how early it is- if I say I'm going to get ready fro bed, he immediately says ok- switches everything off and comes up himself- because he doesn't do the whole cleansing and skincare routine he's then sitting (in what I perceive as a smug way) in bed before me. Grr- I like to get in forst to the nicely mad bed, not get in after he's ruffled everything up and untidied all the cushions. I find it so irritating!

felulageller · 20/03/2022 09:05

I'd just say I'm going up to read for an hour. Does he actually turn the light off when you are actually reading? If so that's nasty.

EarthSight · 20/03/2022 09:05

@Dubbin @BlueFlavour There needs to be a separate thread about mug issues. Had no idea so many women were so particular or possessive about their mugs! Maybe I've just never been in a relationship where it's been an issue? My ex liked big, large, plain heavy mugs and didn't often use the ones I like to use.

TheGirlWhoLived · 20/03/2022 09:06

My dh doesn’t sit on the floor to change a nappy. He claims he’s too big to sit on the floor so tries to do it half handed my from the sofa and it just looks leaky straight away!

All my mugs match, all of your are heathens!

Benjispruce5 · 20/03/2022 09:07

The opposite. I annoy DH because if he goes to bed before me he is asleep in minutes. Then I come up and I have to try to sort my skin out within waking him. I should probably put my skincare in the bathroom.

Laiste · 20/03/2022 09:08

Mugs, yeah, my top 3 are matching Denby bugs which are beautiful (to me) and a long discontinued pattern and even I don't use them ! I thought this was common knowledge in the house ...

until I caught DH giving the plasterer his tea in one last week Shock It was balanced on a plank up over a tiled floor Shock I hung about nervously making small talk until plasterer had drunk the tea and then grabbed it back and ran away with it Hmm

SmellyOldOwls · 20/03/2022 09:08

Separate bedrooms if you have a spare room. It is SO GOOD having your own space at night. People will say 'oh how do you keep your marriage alive' as though the only reason anyone has sex is because they happen to be in close proximity, and walking a few feet to the next bedroom is too much work Confused

DottyHarmer · 20/03/2022 09:08

Back to thread - since wfh Dh has annoyed me more than in over 20 years of marriage. Yes, at the going to bed. Also at any point during the day, “Where are you going? If you wait till 5 I’ll come.” Aaaarrrgghhhhh !! Give me some space !!

EarthSight · 20/03/2022 09:08

@robocracker Did you notice this in the first months you knew him, or has it taken years or decades to get annoyed at these things?

Benjispruce5 · 20/03/2022 09:10

Do you think your men are following you up because they think they’re in with a chance of ‘an early night’ as they used to say?

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 20/03/2022 09:10

Ive made a MUG thread Grin

DragonMovie · 20/03/2022 09:10

@Nightdancer I can’t imagine opting to put socks on standing up when there’s the option of something to sit on?!

katepilar · 20/03/2022 09:10

@justasking111

Mine dozes in the evening wakes up says time for bed, 10pm at the latest showers sets the timer for two hours TV , falls asleep immediately. I follow about midnight. Put on prime, Netflix on the tablet ear buds in or read. Fall asleep. He wakes during the night TV on no timer TV wakes me up early. He moans that he slept badly. Son says how does dad sleep ten hours a night. It baffles me too
Sleeping with the TV on causes the sleep to be no so good which might be why he sleeps for so long.
Veryverysadandold · 20/03/2022 09:11

Nothing to add apart from yesterday DP used my special nighttime mug for his COFFEE, not sure I'll ever forgive him tbh. might have to ltb.

EarthSight · 20/03/2022 09:12

@MsWalterMitty I was going to get some of those. Do they feel nice to hold?