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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh follows me to bed

367 replies

overreactionreally · 20/03/2022 06:41

So obviously there are times when dh and I go to bed together but sometimes I like to go up first. I like pottering about, having some wind down time to myself. I'll read a bit in bed then doze off. Lately dh has started coming to bed at same time as me (regardless how early) he's in bed in seconds and wants light off straight to sleep. It bugs my routine but obviously I can't say anything as iabu.

Just wondering if there's anything your oh do that annoy you but you don't feel you can say because they are not really doing anything wrong?

OP posts:
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13
Solmum1964 · 21/03/2022 21:02

@humancalculator

BlueFlavour, your mug hierarchy delights me. I now will be looking at mine to decide whether they're crap, middle-ranking or top three.
I don't understand this issue with mugs. We have mugs that specifically belong to different members of the family. I have fine bone china mugs; my dh has a number that are cycle related. There are also a number of non-specific ones used for visitors. We often give/receive themed mugs as presents.
cooldarkroom · 21/03/2022 21:07

I get stabby when DH uses my best mugs.
He also (once) emptied the dish washer & put one away with the handle going the wrong way. I took a photo & sent it to my dc saying "Guilty?"
Still causes hilarity between them.
I think I have a photo

Just leave my mugs alone

Troublewithtribbles · 21/03/2022 21:17

Just served up evening meal, goes out for a cigarette as food is on the table. Irksome and why? Wiry long beard hair in my brush. Has every beard product known to man too. Takes longer showering with little hair (other than beard) than is surely humanly possible. Wants to start a long conversation (precursor look on face and pending pause) always when I’m late, involved in something important to me, tired or hangry.

HisHX · 21/03/2022 21:21

Kindle! I read myself to sleep every night

Morgysmum · 21/03/2022 21:31

Mine was, I would tell my son, to go upstairs and settle down for bed. It was 8:30 pm.
My Oh, decided in the holidays, that our son could stay up later, the thing is the time my son was upstairs, was my time on my own, watching my telly and relaxing, my Oh, didn't know this as, he is on the late shift a lot. I hit the roof when he suggested this, as I pointed out, that was the only time I had to myself in the holidays and on a night.
He mumbled sorry I didn't know, then we compromised on 9 pm, still giving me some alone time, but allowing my son a bit extra time.

Thewindwhispers · 21/03/2022 21:34

Working from home?! He has a study and is kinda out the way but I hate the constant background rumble of him on the phone. Feel like I can’t play music or vacuum etc in case it disturbs his work.

ChangeAndHelp · 21/03/2022 21:35

My mug hierarchy, which I’ve realized when we moved recently: (bottom) the cups to serve when people visit, (middle) I don’t mind others using these cups l, (top) my use only, ideally - inwont say anything but will scream silently on the inside. I have 2 favorite cups for coffee and one for tea

Ahardyfool · 21/03/2022 21:35

my DP has been driving me mad throughout winter - probably not just this winter - because he wrecks the bed while he’s in it. i like to be competent covered by the duvet, right up to my neck as am always freezing and frequently wear several layers to bed in order to keep warm. He has his arms out and sometimes legs too. Also, whenever he turns over in the night he pulls the whole duvet and shakes the bed like a frigging earthquake waking me up and leaving me freezing. Buying a Super Kingsize bed has not fixed this issue. However, last night I discovered that a contributing factor in this ‘taking the whole duvet with you’ problem is the fact that he sleeps with his feet upright. Now that I know this I have been able to request that he please sleep with his feet in a more downward position so that the bottom half of the duvet hopefully stays put. Then I shall just have to figure out a solution for the flailing arms and over energetic turning before he decides to leave me for being such an anally retentive annoyance.

Ragwort · 21/03/2022 21:37

AHardy you need your own duvet surely?

OverByYer · 21/03/2022 21:42

@BlueFlavour

I can post pics of mug hierarchy
I get really cross if DH gives me tea in a mug that's not top shelf
Mermaid67 · 21/03/2022 21:45

@angela99999

My DH goes to bed very early and I prefer to go later, but try not to make it too late or he's starving in the morning before I'm up. He gets up at 5.00 but doesn't often disturb me so I get a couple of good hours sleep before I have to get up. This suits us as I don't sleep well overnight but do sleep well after he gets up - might have something to do with the snoring!
Don’t understand, does he wait to have breakfast with you? I’m usually up earlier than my husband but I have breakfast when I need it
Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 21/03/2022 21:47

Mine does this! And he switches the TV on (I hate TVs in bedrooms but you know, give n take) and I like to read, or Mumsnet, and then sleep. He jumps into bed with me and puts shite on TV! Angry

Derkle · 21/03/2022 21:55

@BeHappy91818

Does breathing count? 😂
This was going to be my response as well! 🤣🤣
Hmm1234 · 21/03/2022 22:01

He must want something 😂 and you’re too busy reading to notice LOL

AmyDudley · 21/03/2022 22:04

My (now Ex) H used to stand right behind me when I was cooking, really close like a kind of grim presence, presumably in case I did anything wrong or maybe he wanted to sniff my hair - who knows. I told him it was weird and annoying but it made no difference.

He also used to get up in the night to go to the loo - nothing wrong with that - but he would get back into bed like a pole vaulter landing on the mat. He launched himself onto the bed and always woke me and because he was considerably heavier than me elevated me off the mattress, he saw nothing wrong with this.

oakleaffy · 21/03/2022 22:16

Single rooms! Can't beat them when past the first flush of passion.

Passthecake30 · 21/03/2022 22:32

My dp gets on my nerves as he comes up to bed about 5-10 mins after me but expects me to keep the light on so that he can see - and then spends what seems like hours in the bathroom cleaning each tooth over and over… grrr

PennineWayinSlingbacks · 21/03/2022 22:32

I generally don't mind sharing a bed with DH but when he had Covid recently, I banished him to the spare bedroom for a week. Told my friend who did, 'hurrah, fresh bedding!' Of course, I changed it, it was heaven!
But it was nice when he came back.

Batmannequin · 21/03/2022 23:37

You can guarantee if I make myself a drink, my OH will take it and drink about half of it. I'm not even talking alcohol here, anything is fair game. He says it tastes better out of someone else's glass. It just makes me want to throw the remaining half in his face!

LianneCL · 22/03/2022 00:00

I can’t believe I’ve found my people here! I’ve long had mug hierarchies but have been too scared to admit it in case whoever it is thinks I’ve finally lost it and carts me off to the looney bin

PrincessNutella · 22/03/2022 00:36

I still want to read on my laptop after my husband wants to sleep. He can turn the light off, and i will turn the light on my laptop down, but I'm not sleepy at the exact same moment!!!

PiperPosey · 22/03/2022 04:53

My husband...
Passive Aggressive...to the Max

"Someone forgot to let the dog out and he peed on carpet"
( There are 2 people who live in this house...YOU and ME! "
Just say... " Honey you said you were going to let the dog out. Did you do it because he peed on the carpet?

Then I can respond... " I did... hmmmm he's getting older now and can't hold it as long. ( You know like a real conversation ) Angry

Someone ate all the cookies last night errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
( How about... honey I know there were 2 cookies left. Did you eat both of them? ( Yep.. Yep I did) Grin and errrrrrrrrrrrgh...

Did I mention I hate passive aggressive behavior...

nettie434 · 22/03/2022 05:51

Buying a Super Kingsize bed has not fixed this issue. However, last night I discovered that a contributing factor in this ‘taking the whole duvet with you’ problem is the fact that he sleeps with his feet upright.

What about each having your own single or double duvet? It's quite common in Germany and Switzerland. Of course, reading this thread, there is always the risk that one person might take the other person's duvet but I think it's an under rated solution to duvet hogging.

Petrushka1543 · 22/03/2022 08:06

Our loo is adjacent to the bed (the other side of the plasterboard wall, obvs!) So when my DW goes to bed early, I'm liable to wake her up flushing the thing. Either that or considerately crossing my legs all night (life wouldn't be worth living if I wee'd in the sink...) oh for oldfashioned brick built houses.

bemusedmoose · 22/03/2022 08:11

my ex oh use to say 'im going to bed' very loudly even though i was the only one there. Then turn off the lights and tv and leave me in the dark. And no it wasnt his way of being romantic.

Then in the morning up at 5/6am for his routine - all lights go on, que singing in the shower like he was at wembley, then back in the bedroom still singing opera style now, half a can of deodorant sprayed til you start to choke in bed, followed by 10 sprays of aftershave. All cupboard doors have to be slammed shut several times while he loudly compares ties to shirts. Then down to the kitchen for more cupboard slamming (toast doesnt even need cupboards). Put me in a foul mood every morning and i was always knackered especially when i had been up with the kids in the night. But weekends he has to have silence and we all have to creep around like mice because he doesnt have to get up yet.

Dont even get me started on him insisting on having a teasmade by the bed so he can start his routine with a ready made cup of tea. Every time i woke up with fright because the damn thing sounded like our cat was choking to death - took longer than boiling the damn kettle too.

Oh and when he came home from work i was expected to have a cup of tea ready for him even though i had no idea what time he would turn up ( this was fixed by texting me to make his tea as he was walking up the road) and if my son was chillin and watching cartoons the first thing he would do is turn it on to something not kid suitable and say 'not watching that rubbish!'

And being called wife as a name. I hated the weekly shop - prancing down the isle like royality and loudly saying 'WIFE - I need crisps' 'WIFE - do this' 'WIFE - me me me me' like he was Henry the freakin 8th. So embarrasing and everyone would stare. It wasnt just a bit of a laugh - it was meant that way.

Not going to lie - dont miss him at all!