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Ditched from family holiday
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PetrasPurse · 03/03/2022 21:26

For the last 12ish years (except for 2020), my parents have taken my siblings and I on an annual trip to a lovely villa in Italy. This started in our late teens and we are now all in our mid - late 20s.

We have the best time together, have made precious memories, and look forward to this every year. I appreciate how privileged I am, and how generous it is of them to treat us all, as we didn't have many holidays together when we were younger and now they are much more well off we are really making up for it. They have even paid for our partners and kids to join as the family has expanded. It feels like a precious family tradition.

My AIBU is this; this week the people at the villa contacted to say they couldn't accommodate our original dates this year, and offered us several alternative dates instead. My mum asked us all for our availability and I replied saying I could do any date except one. The next day she confirmed to the family to say that she had booked for the date I said I couldn't do, as it was the cheapest option (the prices were inflated a lot compared to what they usually pay). She then confirmed she was changing everyone's flights to the new date except mine as I couldn't make it this time. AIBU to feel completely cut out from the family and furious about this. I don't really know how to respond - it feels like I have just been removed from the holiday.

Why couldn't they have kept the dates and just chosen a different villa this time instead? It makes me feel like staying at this villa is more important than all of us being there as a family. I would have 100% paid my share if it was down to money or not being able to go, but wasn't given an option. I am gutted and don't know how to respond to this. I can't stop going over it in my head. Any advice would be appreciated.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

PetrasPurse · 03/03/2022 21:28

Sorry meant to put teens, not 'late teens'.

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ohhooh · 03/03/2022 21:31

I can understand why you'd be upset, but to be totally furious seems OTT to me.

It's a lovely family tradition - I'm amazed that you've all managed to avoid this happening sooner, and in 12 years there's never been a dates issue!

Personally if I had a place I loved to visit and a hotel / villa I always stayed in, I'd rather change my dates and stay there than risk booking somewhere new and being disappointed. It's sad you're unavailable to go, however I'm sure 2023 will be a lovely holiday to look forward to! I don't think them booking the dates because they are cheaper is an issue either, the post covid price rises on holidays really are in another league, and it makes sense to do what they can.

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UmbilicusProfundus · 03/03/2022 21:32

Oh wow, sorry, YANBU. I would be very direct about your disappointment on the family WhatsApp or equivalent. I imagine (hope) your siblings will be shocked and supportive.

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HereComesTheSum · 03/03/2022 21:36

Can you change whatever you're busy with on those dates so you can go? YANBU but sometimes these things can't be helped.

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Hankunamatata · 03/03/2022 21:36

What kind of price difference was there between the cheapest option your mum booked and a date you could do?

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Hawkins001 · 03/03/2022 21:36

All the best op

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PetrasPurse · 03/03/2022 21:38

@ohhooh

I can understand why you'd be upset, but to be totally furious seems OTT to me.

It's a lovely family tradition - I'm amazed that you've all managed to avoid this happening sooner, and in 12 years there's never been a dates issue!

Personally if I had a place I loved to visit and a hotel / villa I always stayed in, I'd rather change my dates and stay there than risk booking somewhere new and being disappointed. It's sad you're unavailable to go, however I'm sure 2023 will be a lovely holiday to look forward to! I don't think them booking the dates because they are cheaper is an issue either, the post covid price rises on holidays really are in another league, and it makes sense to do what they can.

In 12 years we have gone from teens to young adults, one sibling still lives at home, so easier not to have date issues perhaps. But also we have all prioritised this trip as we love it and it means a lot to spend time together.

The date issue has not come from me - it's the villa that changed it and the offered dates around the same time for a lot more money. I would have gone literally anywhere as long as we were together before ditching one person from the family. It makes me feel like I am the least valuable and important person which is why I am furious. Do you see it's more than just a holiday.

I don't look forward to the next holiday in 2023 - I worry that if similar happens I could be deleted again. That's how I feel right now, perhaps I am just emotional.
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Titterofwit · 03/03/2022 21:40

I am shocked that if you always go as a complete family that they are going without you. It just wont be the same for anyone else in the group surely.

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Stressedout1009 · 03/03/2022 21:41

It seemed like your dps probably based their decision on what everyone else decided- which was them wanting the villa more. I think at some point some one was not going to make it / not be able to come, so while it was a nice tradition it wasn't going to continue forever. Your dps can't be nasty people to have done this for 12 years including all partners and kids, more likely everyone voted and unfortunately it doesn't work out for you.

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PetrasPurse · 03/03/2022 21:41

@Hankunamatata

What kind of price difference was there between the cheapest option your mum booked and a date you could do?

She didn't tell me the price difference but she said it was a lot more than they usually pay.

Personally I would have thought that she might try to find another option within budget before removing me from the equation. The villa is amazing but I'd be more than happy to try a new place together.
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backaftera2yearbreak · 03/03/2022 21:42

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

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backaftera2yearbreak · 03/03/2022 21:42

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

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YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 03/03/2022 21:43

Have you suggested finding a villa for dates that work for all? Have you explained how upset you are?

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toomuchlaundry · 03/03/2022 21:43

Do you have a partner and/or DC? Do you have other holidays?

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TabithaTittlemouse · 03/03/2022 21:44

Have you told them how you feel?

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PetrasPurse · 03/03/2022 21:45

@Stressedout1009

It seemed like your dps probably based their decision on what everyone else decided- which was them wanting the villa more. I think at some point some one was not going to make it / not be able to come, so while it was a nice tradition it wasn't going to continue forever. Your dps can't be nasty people to have done this for 12 years including all partners and kids, more likely everyone voted and unfortunately it doesn't work out for you.

You are right, they aren't nasty which is why k feel confused and dismissed. I treasure our holidays together.

Yes, and like you say the family is expanding and they pay for the grandchildren too who are little - soon they will need their own rooms and we will outgrow the villa and what will happen then?
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Awrite · 03/03/2022 21:46

I'm on the fence.

On the one hand you sound ungrateful for the thousands upon thousands they have spent on taking you away on a fabulous holiday.

On the other hand, they are leaving you out and that's hurtful.

There may have been issues with the other dates so they've gone with price + majority being able to make it.

On balance- your parents are being unreasonable, they've handled this really badly.

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PetrasPurse · 03/03/2022 21:47

@TabithaTittlemouse

Have you told them how you feel?

No not really, they haven't discussed it with me, just acting normally as if it's no big deal which is why I don't know if I'm just BU.
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PetrasPurse · 03/03/2022 21:51

@Awrite

I'm on the fence.

On the one hand you sound ungrateful for the thousands upon thousands they have spent on taking you away on a fabulous holiday.

On the other hand, they are leaving you out and that's hurtful.

There may have been issues with the other dates so they've gone with price + majority being able to make it.

On balance- your parents are being unreasonable, they've handled this really badly.

I am absolutely grateful and appreciate most people aren't so lucky to get this privilege as I said originally. I know how generous they are to take us all and to pay, but I would rather contribute to the cost than be removed without consultation. We have offered every year since we started working but they don't want us to pay.
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Tothemoonandbackx · 03/03/2022 21:51

Sorry that you feel let down, but.....it's all well and good to say you'd pay for your share of the difference in cost, but how many people are your mum and dad paying for??? You said prices were inflated ALOT, alot for one person to pay for is obviously going to be to much, so why would you expect them to pay alot for every other person in the extended family to go to??? I suppose if you're willing to pay the extra cost for everyone, then they could change the dates and you could go, but is it something you can afford to do???

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Stressedout1009 · 03/03/2022 21:52

Tbh I wouldn't say anything. The decision to go ahead must have come from everyone else who could still make the dates. So making an issue out of this is just going to spoil the holiday for everyone. You could just say you are disappointed to miss out and hope to join on the next one. I think this tradition was going to change at some point and it started with you. I think your dps are absolutely lovely to have given you 12 years of holidays and memories, so be grateful for that.

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hauntedbillybass · 03/03/2022 21:52

Can't you change what you're doing do you can make the dates they've booked?

Or is your other commitment not moveable?

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hauntedbillybass · 03/03/2022 21:53

Or was someone always going to have to miss out?

Could anyone not make the other dates?

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PetrasPurse · 03/03/2022 21:53

@Tothemoonandbackx

Sorry that you feel let down, but.....it's all well and good to say you'd pay for your share of the difference in cost, but how many people are your mum and dad paying for??? You said prices were inflated ALOT, alot for one person to pay for is obviously going to be to much, so why would you expect them to pay alot for every other person in the extended family to go to??? I suppose if you're willing to pay the extra cost for everyone, then they could change the dates and you could go, but is it something you can afford to do???

I didn't expect them to pay the inflated price, I wanted them to look at alternatives within budget for the same dates.
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Fireflygal · 03/03/2022 21:54

What's the reason you can't make the new dates?

I suspect your mum was just keen to book the trip and hasn't really thought about the consequences of you being left out. Don't let it fester, have a word with your mum and see if it can be cleared up.

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