Ditched from family holiday

[PetrasPurse]

For the last 12ish years (except for 2020), my parents have taken my siblings and I on an annual trip to a lovely villa in Italy. This started in our late teens and we are now all in our mid - late 20s.

We have the best time together, have made precious memories, and look forward to this every year. I appreciate how privileged I am, and how generous it is of them to treat us all, as we didn't have many holidays together when we were younger and now they are much more well off we are really making up for it. They have even paid for our partners and kids to join as the family has expanded. It feels like a precious family tradition.

My AIBU is this; this week the people at the villa contacted to say they couldn't accommodate our original dates this year, and offered us several alternative dates instead. My mum asked us all for our availability and I replied saying I could do any date except one. The next day she confirmed to the family to say that she had booked for the date I said I couldn't do, as it was the cheapest option (the prices were inflated a lot compared to what they usually pay). She then confirmed she was changing everyone's flights to the new date except mine as I couldn't make it this time. AIBU to feel completely cut out from the family and furious about this. I don't really know how to respond - it feels like I have just been removed from the holiday.

Why couldn't they have kept the dates and just chosen a different villa this time instead? It makes me feel like staying at this villa is more important than all of us being there as a family. I would have 100% paid my share if it was down to money or not being able to go, but wasn't given an option. I am gutted and don't know how to respond to this. I can't stop going over it in my head. Any advice would be appreciated.

[Trinacham]

YANBU

Because it's not something my parents would do. If one of the 3 of us couldn't make it, it wouldn't be booked.

[CoastalWave]

I notice OP still hasn't said what this massively unexciting but seemingly immovable thing is that's actually stopping her from going on this holiday!

Sounds like she's just being stubborn and making a point now.

I'm on Team Parents!

Tough. If you can't make it, never mind. It's really not the end of the world. They've accommodated the MAJORITY. That's how booking ANY group party/booking works.

[CoastalWave]

@Trinacham

YANBU

Because it's not something my parents would do. If one of the 3 of us couldn't make it, it wouldn't be booked.

Its' not 3 though is it? It's 2 other siblings, plus their adult partners, plus their kids (who could be adults, we don't know)

Are you saying Team Parents should just pay an extortionate amount to accommodate everyone?

The fact that the OP has said the original commitment is unexciting implies it's movable/able to be cancelled. Maybe Team Parents felt the same. Why should they have the inconvenience and expense of moving everyone and everything else just for one person?

[Trinacham]

@CoastalWave I'm assuming the adult children would be paying for themselves, as we do. Re-read the OP and it sounds like parents would be paying. My parents wouldn't leave any child out but we would insist on paying.

[CatNoBag]

I'm from big family, and this would really be very hurtful for me. I think we've only once actually had a 'family holiday' which was for a big anniversary, one of my siblings was annoyingly inflexible about dates (we had hoped to make it a week in a villa in the sun type trip, but he was the only one out of 20+ of us who prioritised his work over this anniversary and could only make it for a few days), so we ended up doing a weekend in the UK instead so that he could be there. My parents wouldn't have wanted any one of us to be missing. And I appreciate that for us this was pretty much a one off event, but it would be the same if we did it every year, just inconceivable for my parents to leave one person/family out if there are alternatives available.

[Mirw]

Maybe time to organise your own holidays? Think you are being a bit over the top. Have you spoken to your parents about it before going on about it here? That would be the adult thing to do...

[lightisnotwhite]

@CatNoBag

I'm from big family, and this would really be very hurtful for me. I think we've only once actually had a 'family holiday' which was for a big anniversary, one of my siblings was annoyingly inflexible about dates (we had hoped to make it a week in a villa in the sun type trip, but he was the only one out of 20+ of us who prioritised his work over this anniversary and could only make it for a few days), so we ended up doing a weekend in the UK instead so that he could be there. My parents wouldn't have wanted any one of us to be missing. And I appreciate that for us this was pretty much a one off event, but it would be the same if we did it every year, just inconceivable for my parents to leave one person/family out if there are alternatives available.

Yes but the tradition since they were teens is going to the same villa every year. So not so much going as a family but as an invite to the parents preferred venue.
I know families who pay for their adult children to join them on ski trips and U.K. breaks but with the aim of getting the family together. They haven’t done the same place for 12 years!

[sellthesizzle]

I think it's the way it's been handled which would upset me, if it were me I'd have spoken individually to the person who was going to be excluded due to the decisions and explain the thinking and tell them how sorry I was that they couldn't come but that I'd look forward to next year with them.

Just hearing that it was a done deal would upset me and would make me feel it was personal tbh.