Repulsive trendy food

[TheUnexpectedPickle]

Inspired by the dried fruit hate thread...

Is it only me that thinks most trendy/"healthy" food is overrated at best, downright nasty at worst?

Cauliflower rice does not have the taste or texture of rice. It's just soggy Cauliflower. Reheated it smells and tastes of fart.

Courgetti is wet and dilutes the sauce with its green sadwater.

Pomegranate, mangos and satsumas do not belong on salad, especially with a garlic dressing.

Advocados are only ok.

Siracha is just expensive hot sauce. There are loads that are better.

Overnight oats have the texture of wallpaper paste and are absolutely repugnant.

And nothing, NOTHING, should be served on a shovel or any other nonsense receptacle.

My issue is with calling food dirty.
‘Dirty Fries’
‘Dirty Mac n Cheese’ (its macaroni cheese too, put that’s another issue)
‘Dirty burgers’

Why? dirty is not a word I want to hear around food!

I think pomegranate in salads are great nought!

I agree with everything you've said there, OP!

Green sadwater

Beetroot, perfectly acceptable pickled with blue cheese and walnuts as the gods clearly intended.
Does not need to be added to every vegetarian burger, sausage, nut roast, falafel, pie, pizza, risotto, chocolate cake and god knows what else because nobody asked for their veggie food to resemble bloody meat and taste of dirt, thank you.

I agree with everything @TheUnexpectedPickle has said.

I also hate charcoal/rainbow foods and those horrible freak shakes that have everything but the kitchen sink in them. I'm no shrinking violet when it comes to pudding but they take the piss.

There’s a street food van that sometimes comes to a bar near me that serves “dirty vegan junk food” and it’s all vegan burgers in really gross pink/blue coloured buns. I could get my head round a vegan burger I suppose (though I do like meat) but the colour is repulsive. I wouldn’t eat any savoury food that colour!

@AtleastitsnotMonday I concur with this!!!

See also: posh. Posh fries, posh burger, posh fish finger sandwich.

You're just calling it "posh" so you can charge me a fiver more than the Cafe next door.

Green sadwater is very good. I like that a lot.

Why do sweet potato fries have a SURCHARGE of £2.50 when they’re obviously not as good as normal fries and are mostly like chopped up limp orange earthworms. Hardly anywhere does them nice.

Kale is horrible and tastes of mud.

I agree with everything you say, OP, except for the bit about sriracha because I really like that.

Yes agree. Most of it is miserable diet culture bullshit which makes it sadder

@Everydaydayisaschoolday

Kale is horrible and tastes of mud.

Unless cooked in butter which defeats object of kale 🤣

@BeastOfBODMAS yes to vegan food that looks like meat. My mate had one of those burgers the other day, the ones that "bleed" and she nearly puked. She's a vegan!!! She doesn't want her food to bleed!!!

Kale is horrible and tastes of mud.👏🏼👏🏼

I hate quinoa. Just tastes like bitter gritty slop.

Beetroot on everything.

It tastes of loam.

@SpaghettiNotCourgetti it was you who inspired me on the other thread, you reminded me how awful courgetti is!

Yesssss to weirdly coloured food.

Also cupcakes. The sponge is usually dry and tastes of empty calories and the topping is too sweet.

Coconut Water has a spermy taste

Kimchi

I'm also nominating "brunch".

Its a wanky concept meaning that you get to charge me twenty quid for scrambled eggs with smoked salmon just because you used sourdough for the toast and put some parsley on top.

Fuck off.

Oysters 🤢

What is it about being served food on a black slate tile? I bet it’s never washed properly either 🤮
Afternoon tea. It’s a bunch of finger sandwiches with the crust cut off and teeny tiny cake portions that last two seconds to eat.
Those awful sharing boxes with food strewn around in them like someone has shaken the box.

And don’t serve it in a jam jar !

I was served panna cotta in a jam jar !

I HATE cupcakes. What was wrong with the fairy cakes or butterfly cakes of my childhood, without the pounds of horrible buttercream? Some dribbly white icing and some hundreds and thousands and you've got a cake from heaven.

I would also put the Cadbury Creations bars into this Room 101 of trendy food. Why - WHY - would I adulterate chocolate with jelly beans? Or fucking Oreos? Or popcorn?

I'm not made for modern food life.

Courgetti is absolute shit and I cannot forgive myself for the nice sauces I've wasted on it trying to make it edible. It also rots down to vile smelling pond slime within five minutes of the bag being opened, just in case anybody had thought about not using the whole lot at once.

The most repulsive posh thing I have ever eaten was a sea urchin, and I was at a work dinner I wasn't paying for so I just had to grit my teeth and get on with it. I still inwardly retch a bit when I think about that.

@OhWhyNot coconut water is vile and sperms. So is aloe water with the slimy bits in- that's got the spermy texture.

Coconut and aloe would be the worst

YABU for not have 'chia pudding' on your list