Repulsive trendy food

[TheUnexpectedPickle]

Inspired by the dried fruit hate thread...

Is it only me that thinks most trendy/"healthy" food is overrated at best, downright nasty at worst?

Cauliflower rice does not have the taste or texture of rice. It's just soggy Cauliflower. Reheated it smells and tastes of fart.

Courgetti is wet and dilutes the sauce with its green sadwater.

Pomegranate, mangos and satsumas do not belong on salad, especially with a garlic dressing.

Advocados are only ok.

Siracha is just expensive hot sauce. There are loads that are better.

Overnight oats have the texture of wallpaper paste and are absolutely repugnant.

And nothing, NOTHING, should be served on a shovel or any other nonsense receptacle.

I absolutely agree with you @TheUnexpectedPickle apart from Siracha that stuff it the tits.

I was once in a harvester type restaurant, I ordered a burger and chips, and it came out on a bloody wooden chopping board, you can't clean those fuckers and it was so small my chips were escaping. I asked for a plate, I was nice about it, but I obviously pissed someone off, as it was practically launched at me, I said "whoah we're not at a Greek wedding" and he shot me the dirtiest look like I'd just shat in his trainers. I hate wanky stuff like that, just put it on a fucking plate.

@Motorina

WTF!? I've only vaguely heard of kombucha (probaby because my brains wanky filter kicked in)- what is floating in it!?

The magic rotting thing. Which turns sweet tea into special wanky magic juice. That tastes of old tea with a tinge of compost heap.

It looks like this: www.healthline.com/nutrition/kombucha-scoby

Clearly repulsive.

This reminds me of the utter skank that was Quinns.

It was an alcopop that came out about 12ish years ago that was much hyped as healthy and wonderful. It was made of "naturally fermented fruit" I was so excited as I don't drink fizzy drinks and 20-year-old me was sick of vodka reef, not yet on to wine and couldn't afford cocktails.

I bought every flavour and fuck my hole was it vile. It tasted like rotting fruit- which actually shouldn't have been a surprise since that's what it was made from.

I wonder if that's what sparked my distaste for the wanky 🤔

Fucking bubble tea — who wants cold milky tea with lumps of jelly?

@ThreeRingCircus

All the vegetarian food being replaced by vegan food. I still want to eat cheese and butter, vegan cheese needs consigning to the firey depths of Hell.

I agree on this. I WANT CHEESE!

I feel like this is the right thread to appreciate this:

@MightyFishwife

Fucking bubble tea — who wants cold milky tea with lumps of jelly?

can't even look at it

I actually love courgetti when you make it yourself, I didn't realise you could buy it in a bag though that sounds grim!

Alot of It's created by diet and wellness culture.its all bullshit.and manipulation.

Coloured food no just no and dirty stuff on chips no I like my chips plains unless Chinese curry sauce or ketchup.

Fucking balsamic drizzled here there and every where, nasty sticky sweet shite.

Fries or chips served in a pretend little fryer...

Once bought some vegan cheese, as it got near my mouth I knew, couldn’t bite it, it smelt like sick.🤢
Husband complained about the gluten free pizza I bought him. It had vegan cheese on it. So so so bad

I really don't understand overnight oats. They really make me feel queasy.

@Flangeosaurus

Massive, outrageous birthday cakes with 3 layers and 8 feet of tooth-shattering ombré buttercream, usually seen at a child’s birthday party having cost the parents £80. Honestly cannot see what the problem is with a supermarket cake or a homemade Vicky sponge with some smarties on top. Don’t get me started on fucking vegetables in cakes. Absolutely not on. Vegetables in cake is for people who hate cake; I’m sad for them that their lives are so empty but stop spoiling it for the rest of us.

Agreed. That ombré buttercream looks delicious but is inevitably flavourless and boring. And I say that as someone with a massive sweet tooth. If I am going to eat a million calories, I want something delicious, not just something that tastes like sugar mixed with even more sugar.

I also nominate matcha for this thread. When I was a kid, someone dared me to eat a handful of grass. I have never tasted anything like it until I had a matcha tea in a hipster cafe. Also, the friend on the playground didn’t charge me £6 for the privilege.

@Sidge

The trend of serving burgers in brioche buns.

They’re sweet. I don’t want a sweet burger! I just want a burger bun. Ordering a burger that’s not in brioche so virtually impossible now.

And foams. Glad they seem to have passed by now. It always looked like someone had gobbed on your plate.

I agree with both of those things so much

Fake meat. All this vegan fake food. Fgs it’s taken over the veggie space in all the menus. And it’s bloody awful! I’d rather Jack Munroes really cheap kidney bean burgers made from real food than that nonsense

@Babadook76

Oysters 🤢

Nah, oysters are delicious.

As much as I want to enjoy vegan meat substitutes I am yet to find a good one, although can handle the Quorn stuff. I bought some vegan hotdogs from Aldi the other day and they honestly tasted like they were created in a 3D printer. Like melted plastic.

I am yet to try Kimchi, it really does smell of fermented cabbage.

The thing that bothers me is the wankery with food that has developed in the last 15 years - balsamic air, juniper berry foams, textures of cauliflower in a Shredded Wheat cage and foraged dog piss wild garlic gel. It all has to be local, even if the local produce is a bit shit. I am in awe of how the food is made and the ambition of the chefs, but it's the people who eat and gloat about it that are wankers.

If someone ever serves me food on a shovel I will be asking them what they are trying to tell me about their food. Is it a metaphor for the food being associated with shit shovelling or digging a grave? Is it a food poisoning warning?

It's like you are in my head! Totally agree.

With you on overnight oats 😷 or oats of any kind.

I hate overindulgent cakes/puddings. Freakshakes is a good example but everything has to be enormous with chocolate on top of chocolate on top of chocolate. I love cake. I love chocolate but it’s just silly. A simple brownie will suffice. The calories & sugar in these things must be eye watering.

Cucumber in water. No thanks. See also lemon or orange. I want water. Not water tasting vaguely of a fruit or vegetable. Like you’ve poured water into a glass you previously had some orange squash in.

I love vegan food.. I’m a fan of quinoa, I like cauliflower rice (got to be roasted first, roasted cauliflower is delicious). I love sweet potato fries but agree, why the upcharge? They are a very similar price to normal potatoes?!

Oh lord, this is why eating out has become so tedious. So much food is just utter wankery

I feel like I’m missing the point of this thread but I won’t hear a word said against kimchi. You just don’t know how to use it properly.

I like avocados too, though the trendies will shun them soon because of their negative environmental impact. Drug cartels are also taking control of avocado farms because they are so profitable, so I reckon we’re about 6 months off a “blood avocado” scandal and a return to culinary oblivion.

I can’t get my head around all the “plant based” stuff that is more processed than turkey twizzlers and probably has a similar carbon footprint to meat once you take all the processing faff and chemicals into account.

@Longdistance

What is it about being served food on a black slate tile? I bet it’s never washed properly either 🤮 Afternoon tea. It’s a bunch of finger sandwiches with the crust cut off and teeny tiny cake portions that last two seconds to eat. Those awful sharing boxes with food strewn around in them like someone has shaken the box.

Yes yes to this! I keep seeing pictures from local business of their sharing boxes and they just look like all the food not wanted at the end of the evening.

@girlabouthome

Fries or chips served in a pretend little fryer...

I remember my dad's utter dismay when he had steak and chips at a posh hotel in London and it came with the chips arranged in what he described as 'a little stockade' We're a bit more rustic in our presentation style in our family!

@girlabouthome

Fries or chips served in a pretend little fryer...

It's just done to make your half a dozen chips look more. Really irritating.