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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how long you were together before you got married?

309 replies

MeSanniesareBrannies · 23/01/2022 23:52

How long were you in a relationship before you got engaged/married? I was with DP for almost three years when we got engaged, when we get married, we’ll have been together almost four. Speaking to acquaintances (not close friends) it seems like that’s unusual and we’ve been hasty. A work colleague was particularly taken aback and informed me that ‘short engagements are a recipe for disaster’. I thought this was a bit bizarre!

I’m unworried about my relationship, but I’m intrigued…what’s everyone else’s norm?

We’re early 30’s professionals in London, postgrad education, good jobs, good pay, no prior marriages or kids. I think that for our demographic 3-5 years is pretty standard, but happy to be told I’m wrong.

OP posts:
Stoop · 23/01/2022 23:54

6 years. We were engaged after 3.5 years but had a long engagement. I was 22 when we got engaged and didn’t want to marry too quickly.

QueenofLouisiana · 23/01/2022 23:55

Engaged: 3 months.
Married: 20 months. Started work and bought a house in this time.

Married 22 years now, so guess it worked ok for us.

BritWifeInUSA · 23/01/2022 23:56

Hasty? Not at all. But it depends on various things. We were together 2.5 years before we got married but that was long-distance (him in the US, me in the UK). We had both been married before.

PrincessPaws · 23/01/2022 23:56

Together 5 years, engaged 2.5 years (should have been 1.5 but covid)

1stTimeMama · 23/01/2022 23:57

We were together 6.5 years when we got engaged, and married 5 months later. We had 3 children at that point, and both had been married before.

Tullig · 23/01/2022 23:57

About 20 years. I didn’t fancy it as an institution. We ended up doing it for practical reasons, but we’ve been very happy before and after — it didn’t alter anything.

PrincessPaws · 23/01/2022 23:57

Sorry to clarify (I hate not having an edit button!) together 5 years, then another 2.5 years engage

Hunderland · 23/01/2022 23:57

2 years, lived together after a few months, married nearly 25 years.

Kitkat151 · 23/01/2022 23:58

I’m 57 ...Lived together since 1986 ..... 3 kids.....3 GC.....never got round to getting married....never been engaged
My DD 27 has lived with her DP for 9 years ....2DC ....not engaged....no interest in getting married

myhousebuild · 23/01/2022 23:58

6yrs and then engaged for 8months

TheDogsMother · 23/01/2022 23:58

2nd time around for us. 7 years before we lived together and 14 years when we got married.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 23/01/2022 23:58

We'd been together almost 4 years when we got engaged, married a year later and had ds a year after that. Early 30s now, so similar age to you.

MsAgnesDiPesto · 23/01/2022 23:59

We decided to get married after about three and a half years together, and were then only engaged for as long as it took to arrange the wedding and get married - so five months or so. Engagement is engaged to be married so no need to stay engaged - once you’ve decided, I’ve no idea why people don’t just get on with it! We did only have a tiny, low-key wedding, though, so it didn’t take long to organise or have a long waiting list for a big venue. We were also early thirties.

ISeeTheLight · 24/01/2022 00:00

We'll have been together for 15 years when we get married next year.
We're never opposed to marriage but there were always better things to spend the money on. Have 1 child together and own our house. We met early 20s.

Neolara · 24/01/2022 00:00

We got engaged after 9 months and married 4 months later. We've been married for 18 years.

Pegasussnail · 24/01/2022 00:01

2 years including 6 month engagement- big church wedding and we didn't live together before we married Shock
Married 11 years.

bloodywhitecat · 24/01/2022 00:01

We've been together for five and half years and good years they have been too. Together just over 4 years before we got engaged and together for almost five years before we got married.

NarNooNarNoo · 24/01/2022 00:02

Started dating at age 25, engaged at age 30, married at age 31. So it was 6 years dating. We’ve been married nearly 9 years now

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 24/01/2022 00:02

8 years, 5 before engagement. First year of our relationship though we both basically refused to acknowledge we were in a relationship, both newly out of bad break ups and had been friends since childhood so felt like if we admitted it there was a lot of pressure and if it went wrong we would've lost a very important friendship. Engagement to wedding was meant to be 2 years but ended up 3, some health/bereavement circumstances in DHs family meant we weren't in a rush to plan initially.

Seafog · 24/01/2022 00:02

We were together 18 months when we had dc1, got married three years in, had dc2 the next year.
It was short, we were young, but it worked for us.
Still going strong 23 years married so far

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 24/01/2022 00:02

Married 5 years now

DillDanding · 24/01/2022 00:03

We were together 4 years and engaged for 2.

In our mid 20s when we married, so a bit younger.

This year, we’ll celebrate 27 years of very happy marriage.

RunnerDown · 24/01/2022 00:03

Together for 2 years and engaged for 1 year after that. Now married for over 30 years. Similar to most people I knew. Things may well be different now but I don’t think you are being hasty

GalaxyPostcard · 24/01/2022 00:05

Engaged at 2 years, married just under 4 years

mauvemarl · 24/01/2022 00:05

We got engaged after 4 years and married a year later. We started living together after we got married.