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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this is rude

259 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 10:21

Went to a friends birthday last night and bought her a bracelet - not that it should matter but for context it cost me £70, which for me is a lot, I have 2 kids, work reduced hours and it’s Christmas time (it was a milestone bday).
Anyway today I wake up to a message asking me if she could exchange it as she’s prefer something else. I want to know if this is rude or the done thing nowadays? To me I think it is rude- I was brought up to never expect a gift but to be grateful if you get one. There’s also a gift receipt in the bag, she doesn’t actually need to tell me “hey I don’t like the gift”. Anyway she’s sent me a link for an item she prefers -£150- she says in the message “if” the bracelet was more she’ll find something else. So not only am I offended she’s now making me look cheap.
Aibu

OP posts:
ArblemarchTFruitbat · 05/12/2021 10:23

YANBU - she had the gift receipt, no need to involve you at all.

Kamelion · 05/12/2021 10:23

Yes, it’s rude, especially if the gift receipt was included. I personally wouldn’t return a gift.

growinggreyer · 05/12/2021 10:24

Wow, that is rude. Does she really think you will send her more money? I would be fuming! Is this a family member, because that is a lot of money to spend on someone who is not a partner or child.

Campervan69 · 05/12/2021 10:24

Very unnecessary and offensive 🙄 spoilt and entitled. How will you respond?

Bluntness100 · 05/12/2021 10:24

Tough one, on one side in practical terms of course it’s better to be honest and exchange and it’s better to ask, as otherwise you’d wonder why she wasn’t wearing it.

On the flip side I can see why you’re a little put out

I’d respond and say no worries, gift receipt is in the bag, jist go ahead and exchange.

Tal45 · 05/12/2021 10:26

If the bracelet was more than £150??!! Who spends that amount on a friend?? I don't spend that much on own child's birthday! I'd just reply 'Hi, There's a gift receipt in the bag' and leave it to that. Is she normally a better friend than this?

Haus1234 · 05/12/2021 10:27

I don’t think it’s rude to exchange for something you’d prefer but her phrasing was rude. You are a generous friend!

monkeysox · 05/12/2021 10:29

If she has the receipt why didn't she just go and swap it.

LadyCatStark · 05/12/2021 10:30

That’s so incredibly rude! I’d just send a Curt response saying that the gift receipt is in the bag if she wants to exchange it.

Bluntness100 · 05/12/2021 10:31

@monkeysox

If she has the receipt why didn't she just go and swap it.
Probably becayse the op might wonder why she never wore it.
CloudyStorms · 05/12/2021 10:31

I'm starting to think people have lost sight of how much money is actually worth these days. Count it in how many hours you worked to earn it if it helps. £70 is more than enough to spend on anyone for their birthday.

Jacaranda75 · 05/12/2021 10:32

That is rude and so hurtful Sad. I would say, “if you don’t like it, give it back.”

Cheerbear24 · 05/12/2021 10:34

Yes it’s rude, just respond ‘gift receipt is in the bag’. She’ll find out what it cost when she tries to swap it.

Cam2020 · 05/12/2021 10:34

That'd be the last gift the CF got from me!

Mammma91 · 05/12/2021 10:34

That is rude! I’d be mortified to ask someone if i could exchange a gift (unless it was an item of clothing for my son and it was too small, I’d exchange for a bigger size of same item). YANBU OP, the gift receipt was included and if she really took a dislike to it, she can pay up the difference for the one she does like. Although even then, I think I’d still be unhappy.

Sally872 · 05/12/2021 10:34

So rude. Gift receipt is there and she could easily check price of bracelet. She knows the other one is more expensive even if she didn't still extremely rude.

I would be happy for friend to discretely exchange bracelet, but telling you and asking for something so expensive is awful.

shiningstar2 · 05/12/2021 10:35

I wouldn't notice such a message for several days then I would send a short cool reply saying that the gift receipt is in the bag so do change the gift if that's what you would prefer to do.
I wouldn't engage over the cost of the gift at all. She is being astonishingly rude and ungrateful. 💐

thegcatsmother · 05/12/2021 10:36

Your 'friend' is being very rude OP. I don't think I have ever exchanged anything someone has bought me as a gift.

CloudyStorms · 05/12/2021 10:37

Oh and she did the right thing asking if it was OK to swap but all the stuff about how much it cost etc was rude

rrhuth · 05/12/2021 10:37

Agree just say 'the gift receipt is in the bag' - they are being unnecessarily rude.

Aprilx · 05/12/2021 10:38

I don’t really believe in swapping gifts at all, I think that is rude. I know some people think it is ok, but even if I thought it was ok to exchange gifts she has gone about it in a very rude way. It feels like she is hinting you should make up the difference even, otherwise why did she need to link to the replacement with that comment.

MrsFoxyplease · 05/12/2021 10:39

" Your gift was £70. The gift receipt is in the bag. If you're not willing to use your own money and there is nothing £70 that you like then please return bracelet to me and I will get my money back as I'm sure you can appreciate it's an expensive time of year especially with two children plus working reduced hours".

ComtesseDeSpair · 05/12/2021 10:39

If I’d spent £70 on somebody then I’d prefer them to be honest that it wasn’t really their style and ask if they could exchange it rather than pretend and then it just live in their drawer forever.

And she’d just gone ahead and exchanged without telling you, you’d wonder every time you saw her why she was wearing another bracelet and never the one you gave her.

Aprilx · 05/12/2021 10:39

@Cam2020

That'd be the last gift the CF got from me!
Yep me too.
Bluntness100 · 05/12/2021 10:39

It’s curious though how she doesn’t know your financial situation and thinks you’d spend over a 150 quid on her. That’s a lot of money for a mates birthday, does she get thay spent on her by others, or has she spent it on you? I can’t imagine thinking my friends would spend upwards of 150 quid on me.