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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this is rude

259 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 10:21

Went to a friends birthday last night and bought her a bracelet - not that it should matter but for context it cost me £70, which for me is a lot, I have 2 kids, work reduced hours and it’s Christmas time (it was a milestone bday).
Anyway today I wake up to a message asking me if she could exchange it as she’s prefer something else. I want to know if this is rude or the done thing nowadays? To me I think it is rude- I was brought up to never expect a gift but to be grateful if you get one. There’s also a gift receipt in the bag, she doesn’t actually need to tell me “hey I don’t like the gift”. Anyway she’s sent me a link for an item she prefers -£150- she says in the message “if” the bracelet was more she’ll find something else. So not only am I offended she’s now making me look cheap.
Aibu

OP posts:
Derrymum123 · 05/12/2021 10:40

Tell her to exchange, as receipt in in bag. Next time get her a Bayliss and Harding gift set in the naffest scent available, preferably with a 3 for 2 sticker on the front.

TheCreamCaker · 05/12/2021 10:41

She's an ungrateful, cheeky cow, by the sounds of it.

My (late) MIL and her precocious daughter once did that to me - I'd booked and paid for a Mother and Daughter makeover (make-up, hair, etc) and photoshoot, as my MIL was quite old then and in failing health. I thought it would have been a lovely keepsake for them both. They failed to show for the appointment, so the money I'd spent was wasted, with no refund. I was livid.

UpsideDownToast · 05/12/2021 10:42

I came on to say YABU for spending £70 on a bracelet (which sounds like you can't afford).
But YADNBU if she's making £150+ assumptions! Entitled cow.

Rollmopsrule · 05/12/2021 10:42

Wow so rude! She could have sent an appreciative message explaining how thoughtful it was but it's not her style so she will be swapping it just incase tou wonder why she hasn't been wearing it.
It would be a charity voucher from me in future!

Butchyrestingface · 05/12/2021 10:43

Anyway today I wake up to a message asking me if she could exchange it as she’s prefer something else. I want to know if this is rude or the done thing nowadays? To me I think it is rude- I was brought up to never expect a gift but to be grateful if you get one. There’s also a gift receipt in the bag

At this stage, I'm thinking YOU'RE a bit unreasonable. Better she exchanges it for something she really likes and will make use of, otherwise it's just been a waste of your money.

she doesn’t actually need to tell me “hey I don’t like the gift”.

Coming round to your way of thinking...

Anyway she’s sent me a link for an item she prefers -£150- she says in the message “if” the bracelet was more she’ll find something else.

Fucking cheeky, grasping, brass-necked cow. Get her tae fuck.

AND get your gift back.

poolblue · 05/12/2021 10:43

This is a tough one and she is being rude but if the bracelet isn't to her taste it might just sit in a drawer forever. Better that she swaps it for something else that she will wear.

I once read that the present buyer gets pleasure from choosing a gift and that pleasure shouldn't be diminished if the receiver doesn't like it. I'd just think they didn't appreciate good taste Smile
The money thing is just plain rude, and if there is a gift receipt and she knows where it's from I'm surprised she hasn't googled the value already, unless it's from a small independent shop.

Definitely spend far less, if anything, next year.

What has she bought you for significant birthdays?

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 10:44

So to put some context behind the relationship- not family but a close friend who I’ve had for 10years has been very kind over the years and so I wanted to buy something more special as an important bday for her.

OP posts:
AngelonTopoftheTree · 05/12/2021 10:44

While I don't necessarily think it's wrong to say she wants to change it, it's awful that she said anything about the price. I'd probably just go with "the gift receipt is in the bag" bit actually MrsFoxy's response above is better as it shows her she's being rude and ungrateful.

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 10:45

@poolblue

This is a tough one and she is being rude but if the bracelet isn't to her taste it might just sit in a drawer forever. Better that she swaps it for something else that she will wear. I once read that the present buyer gets pleasure from choosing a gift and that pleasure shouldn't be diminished if the receiver doesn't like it. I'd just think they didn't appreciate good taste Smile The money thing is just plain rude, and if there is a gift receipt and she knows where it's from I'm surprised she hasn't googled the value already, unless it's from a small independent shop. Definitely spend far less, if anything, next year. What has she bought you for significant birthdays?
She brought me a ring for my birthday that I didn’t overly love but I wear occasionally and I was grateful for
OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 10:45

A ring for the same milestone bday that should have said

OP posts:
Iamnotamermaid · 05/12/2021 10:47

You are very generous and she is extremely rude and ungrateful. If she has the gift receipt there is not much you can actually do, unless you also have one.

I have used gift receipts in case a size was incorrect but would be discreet about it.

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 10:47

Re: money. She doesn’t really know the ins and outs of my finances- she still lives at home so is a little oblivious to the cost of living and bills. She does know I have two kids and it’s Christmas though

OP posts:
dreamdoll123 · 05/12/2021 10:47

There's nothing wrong with exchanging for something else you like more (presuming that's why you left the gift receipt with her in the first place.) However the message about IF it cost more than the one she likes then she'll get something else is soooo cheeky. Bloody hell😂 imagine you got her a gift that cost £30 she'd be in for a shock. £70 isn't cheap either and I'm not sure why she had to make that comment.

She could have taken it to the shop, found out the price and either exchange for something that's the same price or pick the one she likes and add the difference. Very cheeky and unnecessary of her to add that comment. Unless she's googled the item and already knows the price so is expecting you to say, 'oh it cost £70 actually' but even then I'm not sure why anyone would do that!

frogsbreath · 05/12/2021 10:47

She's rude to expect you to assist her exchange, especially suggesting such an expensive upgrade.

"Hi, no problem, the gift receipt is in the bag. Go ahead and choose something else, thanks for a great night!"

She knows where it came from, she can check out the price online to know how much she will have in credit and if she wants to add to that it's her own business.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 05/12/2021 10:48

Rude.

She will know fine what your gift cost but she would prefer one more than twice the price?

Height of cheek and deeply ungrateful.

I wouldn’t be spending another penny on them. And I wouldn’t be spending another minute of my previous time with them either.

grapewine · 05/12/2021 10:50

@Cam2020

That'd be the last gift the CF got from me!
Absolutely. She's so rude. Fuck that.
PestoPlum · 05/12/2021 10:50

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

A ring for the same milestone bday that should have said

I wonder if the ring she bought you was £150 and this is her passive aggressive way of telling you!

dreamdoll123 · 05/12/2021 10:50

It feels like she is hinting you should make up the difference even, otherwise why did she need to link to the replacement with that comment.

Literally this!!

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 05/12/2021 10:52

Aye butchy

Fucking cheeky, grasping, brass-necked cow. Get her tae fuck.

That tae.

TheWholeWorld · 05/12/2021 10:52

I would say how about I return it for you and give you the cash and then don't give her the cash.

Cheeky mare. She's no friend.

grapewine · 05/12/2021 10:53

@MrsFoxyplease

" Your gift was £70. The gift receipt is in the bag. If you're not willing to use your own money and there is nothing £70 that you like then please return bracelet to me and I will get my money back as I'm sure you can appreciate it's an expensive time of year especially with two children plus working reduced hours".
I'd sent this, actually. Clueless woman.
Chimley · 05/12/2021 10:53

If you've put the gift receipt in she absolutely does not need to involve you in any exchange conversation. So yes she is being rude.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/12/2021 10:56

I’d prefer someone changed to something they loved than let it sit in a drawer unused. Her message was tactless. I think I’d reply to say it’s fine to exchange it, that’s why you included the gift receipt. You’re sure the shop will let her top up if she chooses something more expensive.

Newestname002 · 05/12/2021 10:56

@dreamdoll123

It feels like she is hinting you should make up the difference even, otherwise why did she need to link to the replacement with that comment.

Literally this!!

Yes, I thought this too. 🌹
HunterHearstHelmsley · 05/12/2021 10:58

If she's chosen the replacement then she is bound to have looked to see how much the bracelet cost. I think she's hinting that you haven't spent enough! Otherwise, she'd just swap it, pay the difference (and maybe let you know).

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