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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this is rude

259 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 10:21

Went to a friends birthday last night and bought her a bracelet - not that it should matter but for context it cost me £70, which for me is a lot, I have 2 kids, work reduced hours and it’s Christmas time (it was a milestone bday).
Anyway today I wake up to a message asking me if she could exchange it as she’s prefer something else. I want to know if this is rude or the done thing nowadays? To me I think it is rude- I was brought up to never expect a gift but to be grateful if you get one. There’s also a gift receipt in the bag, she doesn’t actually need to tell me “hey I don’t like the gift”. Anyway she’s sent me a link for an item she prefers -£150- she says in the message “if” the bracelet was more she’ll find something else. So not only am I offended she’s now making me look cheap.
Aibu

OP posts:
amsadandconfused · 05/12/2021 13:08

Her last message sounded as if she was doing you a big favour in keeping it….bloody rude IMHO !

NeverChange · 05/12/2021 13:10

I normally hate emojis but I would simply respond with Smile.

Says it all but says nothing!

TempName01 · 05/12/2021 13:11

I would take the high ground and message ‘Aw it’s a shame you aren’t keen on the bracelet but you should definitely go ahead and exchange it it for something you prefer, the gift receipt should be in the bag. It didn’t cost £150 though, I’m not made of money 🤣’

tallduckandhandsome · 05/12/2021 13:12

@NeverChange

I normally hate emojis but I would simply respond with Smile.

Says it all but says nothing!

I think 👍 would be better.
Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 13:14

@SpindlesWinterWhorl

I'm trying to imagine what the milestone / big birthday was, if she behaves like this and still lives at home, but you're a similar age OP and have two children? She sounds like she's 21, but you certainly sound much much more mature.
I’m 35 she’s 30
OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 05/12/2021 13:14

Unbelievably cheeky and to presume how much you'd spent is odd. Where do all these CF's cos I've never met any of them in real life. Certainly none of my friends are like that.

girafferafferaffe · 05/12/2021 13:19

Sounds like my MIL. Never wants what anyone buys her. I think it's really rude. And everyone now just gives her some cash because she's such a pain.

Pascal80 · 05/12/2021 13:19

You are a nice friend. I have never had a woman friend spend £70 on a present for me. If I had been given your bracelet, I would have kept it regardless because you picked it out for me. I would never ever change a gift from a person. It's just crass and makes gifts pointless.
She doesn't deserve you, honestly.

Ellen888 · 05/12/2021 13:19

There's a lesson to be learned here OP and that is not to feel obliged to spend more than you can afford.

As far as her exchanging it YABU. Just because you paid a shed-load of money out that doesn't mean she has to like it.
I know people who have a drawer full of unwanted presents that they didn't want but were too polite to say so. It's a total waste and just supporting consumerism.

I've always kept receipts for presents I have bought for people and let them know that if it's the wrong size, colour, shape etc that I will exchange it for them or give them the receipt and they can change it themselves.

"if” the bracelet was more she’ll find something else. "
I don't get this comment. Confused She has the receipt, so she know what she has to spend on a replacement.

Pascal80 · 05/12/2021 13:24

@Jacaranda75

That is rude and so hurtful Sad. I would say, “if you don’t like it, give it back.”
THIS - exactly. Nasty. spoilt cow.
Herecomesthesun70 · 05/12/2021 13:25

I'd have sent back a laughing emoji saying 'as if it was more than £150'
Also 30 isn't a milestone birthday imo
Reply to the last message saying don't keep it if you don't like it I'd rather you have something you want. Receipts in the bag

Knittedfairies · 05/12/2021 13:30

I wouldn't respond to her last message at all and neither would I mention it again. I would, however, remember this sorry tale next time I was thinking of buying her a gift.

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 13:32

She has the receipt, so she know what she has to spend on a replacement she has the gift receipt- doesn’t have an amount on it

OP posts:
SheldonesqueTheBstard · 05/12/2021 13:37

It looks like she has been on the website checking out the replacement so I’m nigh on certain she will have looked at the cost of OP’s gift.

I still think the ‘if’ was a hint for the balance. I’m cynical like that. 😉

Restart10 · 05/12/2021 13:37

Quite a drip feed there! If there's no amount then obviously she won't know. That is why she said if It's more than 150, that makes sense. You made her out to seem very bad op, when actually it makes sense the way she phrased her message.

AnotherOneWithNoGoodName · 05/12/2021 13:42

Friend is rude, and I wouldn't bother to get her anything else ever again.

BruceAndNosh · 05/12/2021 13:44

It better that she exchanges it for something she really likes, which is why you gave her the receipt.
Just remind her gift receipt is in bag in case she missed it and ignore any reference to cost of item. She can top it up

WomanWithDiamondEarring · 05/12/2021 13:45

Just reply ,'Whatever makes you happiest x'

SpindlesWinterWhorl · 05/12/2021 13:46

@Restart10

Quite a drip feed there! If there's no amount then obviously she won't know. That is why she said if It's more than 150, that makes sense. You made her out to seem very bad op, when actually it makes sense the way she phrased her message.
Who would assume a pal might have spent over £150 on their 30th birthday gift, when they themselves spent £40 on a ring for a 35th thus establishing a ballpark for themselves in their own head, and then send that bloody awful message to the OP?

Someone rude, that's who.

dreamdoll123 · 05/12/2021 13:47

@Restart10

Quite a drip feed there! If there's no amount then obviously she won't know. That is why she said if It's more than 150, that makes sense. You made her out to seem very bad op, when actually it makes sense the way she phrased her message.
That's not a drip feed at all @Restart10 A gift receipt doesn't ever say the amount. It's just a receipt for the recipient to exchange if they wanted too. The price isn't on it and they can find out the price once going to the store. That's kinda the whole point of it being a gift receipt
Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 13:48

@Restart10

Quite a drip feed there! If there's no amount then obviously she won't know. That is why she said if It's more than 150, that makes sense. You made her out to seem very bad op, when actually it makes sense the way she phrased her message.
Not a drip feed I assume everyone who realise gift receipt in a gift that’s all.

FYI the ring was for my 30th 5 yrs ago

OP posts:
CloudyStorms · 05/12/2021 13:52

I'd send a shrugging lady emoji or a smiley face

Fritilleries · 05/12/2021 13:54

Have you replied yet?

Doomscrolling · 05/12/2021 13:54

You've not said anything to imply she's usually grabby.

I'd assume she hadn't spotted the gift receipt. I'd have no problem with her exchanging what I bought her - I can't assume I'll get people's tastes right and I'd rather they had something they loved and would wear than something that would stay in a drawer.

WakeUpLockie · 05/12/2021 13:58

@Restart10

Quite a drip feed there! If there's no amount then obviously she won't know. That is why she said if It's more than 150, that makes sense. You made her out to seem very bad op, when actually it makes sense the way she phrased her message.
No, in the OP it clearly says there was a gift receipt in the bag. Gift receipt. Not a normal receipt. The difference is, a gift receipt doesn’t include an amount.
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