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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this is rude

259 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 10:21

Went to a friends birthday last night and bought her a bracelet - not that it should matter but for context it cost me £70, which for me is a lot, I have 2 kids, work reduced hours and it’s Christmas time (it was a milestone bday).
Anyway today I wake up to a message asking me if she could exchange it as she’s prefer something else. I want to know if this is rude or the done thing nowadays? To me I think it is rude- I was brought up to never expect a gift but to be grateful if you get one. There’s also a gift receipt in the bag, she doesn’t actually need to tell me “hey I don’t like the gift”. Anyway she’s sent me a link for an item she prefers -£150- she says in the message “if” the bracelet was more she’ll find something else. So not only am I offended she’s now making me look cheap.
Aibu

OP posts:
Morgysmum · 06/12/2021 20:45

It is a bit rude, if she has the gift receipt. But my gran use to do stuff like this, if someone brought her something, she didn't like at Christmas, she would take it back to the store in January and but something she liked. It is cheeky, but she then had stuff she wanted. She must be a very good friend, as I wouldn't spend that much on my best friend, as I don't spend that much on my partner of 17 years, let alone my friend.

KerryWeaver · 06/12/2021 20:45

Your friend appears to believe £150 bracelet is somehow an appropriate amount for you to spend on her gift.

Even though she knows that you are on reduced hours, you have two young children and it is coming up to Christmas?

Yet, she gave you a £40 ring for your same milestone birthday. She lives with her parents and doesn't have the same expenses you do.

She is either a CF or is very self-absorbed.

1234comeonbaby · 06/12/2021 20:48

Its bloody rude but £70 is a lot of money to spend on a bracelet that's never used

fetchacloth · 06/12/2021 21:27

YANBU can't believe the cheek tbh.Shock
She had a gift receipt so she didn't even need to tell you.
Unbelievable Hmm

WimpoleHat · 06/12/2021 21:33

A gift receipt means “feel free to exchange if you don’t like it”. But you do so discreetly, with perhaps a “oh, it didn’t quite fit me” sort of excuse if the giver of the gift notices. But the OP’s friend is being awful here; really grabby.

Benjispruce5 · 06/12/2021 21:44

Very rude. Just reply that the gift receipt is in the bag. £70 for a friend’s birthday present is NOT cheap.

cstaff · 06/12/2021 21:45

I think after she texted you about the 150 and you didn't respond that she maybe ranted to someone else about you not replying and this other person told her that she was way out of line. Hence her next text about changing her mind to keep it. It's the only thing that makes sense to her turnaround. Cheeky but not worth losing an otherwise good friend over presuming this is a one off.

Bertiebiscuit · 06/12/2021 23:09

I wonder why you would continue to count her as a friend - this is not just rude it's nasty entitled bad behaviour - she doesn't deserve you as a friend

starlight13 · 06/12/2021 23:50

You sound lovely op. Your friend, not so.

Ilovepink1 · 06/12/2021 23:57

No ur friend is a CF, i would b delighted with any gift FVK her

bumbleymummy · 07/12/2021 00:07

Your ‘friend’ is incredibly rude.

Castro11 · 07/12/2021 04:54

If you put a gift receipt in the bag, you are basically giving her permission to exchange it if she wants.
However if she has sent you a link to something that she wants to exchange it for then she has obviously already seen how much the bracelet cost, because she would have seen it on the site. I think she is probably hoping that you will pay the difference.

Atemyhat · 07/12/2021 05:57

Could the £150 thing be her very clumsy attempt at conveying “This looks like a really expensive bracelet you have bought me that might be worth 150” ??

Atemyhat · 07/12/2021 06:36

@OnlyFoolsnMothers The more I think about it, the more I wonder if she was taken aback by what was clearly an expensive gift? She spent £40 on you and you spent nearly double that amount on her. She doesn’t know exactly how much you spent, but it’s clear that it’s a lot (was the bracelet silver?). Maybe she is a bit embarrassed at receiving such an apparently expensive gift and feels uncomfortable that she might not wear something you had clearly spent a lot on. If she’s not great at gauging the value of things £150 could be her genuine stab at how much it was worth, but it just so happens she was quite wide of the mark?

Maybe that sounds like mental gymnastics, but it sounds like the sort of daft reasoning I might have tbh, is she an overthinker?

RockinHorseShit · 07/12/2021 06:47

Shock yep, that's very rude & entitled too given that she mentioned the £150.

If she hated the bracelet, there's ways she could have gone about changing your gift without being so friggin rude

As above... "gift receipt is in the bag if my gift is really not to your taste you can use that to exchange it yourself"

I think it would be the last gift she got from me too. WTAF expects £150 gifts from friends. Entitled cow 🥴

SpindlesWinterWhorl · 07/12/2021 07:31

She's looked at the website though, @Atemyhat, so she'll have seen the prices? It really is very perplexing.

SpindlesWinterWhorl · 07/12/2021 07:34

@RockinHorseShit, it's really 'off' to mention the money, isn't it? And that very specific (large) amount.

RockinHorseShit · 07/12/2021 07:40

It's as crass & grabby as it get AFAIC Spindles 🥴

Fairylights25 · 07/12/2021 07:43

Of course it is incredibly rude and ungrateful, but I think I know why she said it.

She knows it cost an awful lot, she knows how much that money means to you so she wants to ensure she gets good use out of your gift, hence the switching it for something more to her taste.

I would never ever do this, but my parents have the same way of thinking as your friend and can't bear waste, and so I guess rather than leave it in a draw or occasional use she is respecting the cost and choosing to talk to you about it.

I would be for the record very unimpressed if my friend had sent a message like that to me, and hurt that she did not appreciate what I had chosen for her but because of my own experiences I can see the possible thinking behind it.....I would ignore the messages completely.

Fairylights25 · 07/12/2021 07:45

For example I don't think she would have sent the same message if the bracelet had been a few pounds.

MorkandMandy · 07/12/2021 12:52

But @Fairylights25 why would she then mention a bracelet that cost £150 if she was cognisant of OP’s financial situation?

Fairylights25 · 07/12/2021 13:32

I don't know Mork but it would be the last gift she would be getting from me! Primark socks next year :)

cass5 · 07/12/2021 14:22

She is a good friend, take this as it is, inadvertently coming across the wrong way and not thinking about what you say that much, which should be ok when amongst long term good friends. Actually, a good thing about being with your friends is that you can can sometimes say stupid thing and they just indulge you and don't make a big deal. She thought you had had given her a very expensive present, even more thant it actually was - maybe the bracelet looked that good and expensive- and there was another item she would love having, so she thougth she could swap and wanted your ok to go ahead with it. Think of it that way and move on.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/12/2021 14:59

Last gift she’d get from me too!

“Gift receipt is in the bag if you want to exchange” would be all the reply she’d be getting too

Fluffmum · 07/12/2021 15:24

Rude! I had some right crappy pressies on my 18th many moons ago and my parents wouldn’t allow me to exchange them out of politeness. A lot of people today have no manners

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