Aibu to think this is rude

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Went to a friends birthday last night and bought her a bracelet - not that it should matter but for context it cost me £70, which for me is a lot, I have 2 kids, work reduced hours and it’s Christmas time (it was a milestone bday).
Anyway today I wake up to a message asking me if she could exchange it as she’s prefer something else. I want to know if this is rude or the done thing nowadays? To me I think it is rude- I was brought up to never expect a gift but to be grateful if you get one. There’s also a gift receipt in the bag, she doesn’t actually need to tell me “hey I don’t like the gift”. Anyway she’s sent me a link for an item she prefers -£150- she says in the message “if” the bracelet was more she’ll find something else. So not only am I offended she’s now making me look cheap.
Aibu

@bojo7

"Dear Friend, I did not like to say, but I didn't like the ring you picked for me. And I love the bracelet! Straight swap?"

@bojo7 🤣 🤣 🤣

@bojo7

"Dear Friend, I did not like to say, but I didn't like the ring you picked for me. And I love the bracelet! Straight swap?"

That's not a bad shout actually

If she has a lot of money, or no clue about money, she might really not get how expensive the bracelet is. She might have been genuinely asking. I'd be inclinded to just chat to her about it and explore a bit what her understanding of money is. She sounds like a great friend who just maybe doesn't understand money overly well.

Have you replied yet @OnlyFoolsnMothers ?

i think id message back saying "theres a gift receipt in the bag if you want to put the cost of the bracelet towards the one you prefer"

It would probably change the way i felt about her though

Under no circumstances buy her the more expensive item.

Give her the receipt. A day of so later, tell her finances are tight due to your reduced hours and it’s best to do cards only.

Hope you haven’t bought a Christmas present?

So I went quiet on the message and now she’s messaged “on reflection I’ll keep the bracelet x”

No idea what to say now- I’m guessing me quiet for a bit longer and then message “no worries, gift receipt is there should you want something else” then change the subject/ no point letting it boil up- lesson learnt, always flowers

Rude & crass to even mention the cost. How uncouth can one be.

All she needs to do is exchange it and then mention in future 'hope you don't mind I exchanged the bracelet thanks for including the gift receipt' clearly you didn't mind her exchanging it as you included the the receipt

Depending on how much I wanted to keep the friendship, I'd ask for the ring back and say "so sorry, let me have it back and I'll get you something you'd prefer", and then get her an Oxfam goat.

In reality though, as it seems you do value the friendship, I would go with the slightly curt "gift receipt's in the bag. Feel free to exchange it" and leave it there.

I think YANBU to feel her message was rude.

But I doubt it was intended that way —she probably appreciated a lot that you’d bought something and the thought behind it and therefore wanted to wear the gift often but knew she probably wouldn’t wear that particular one much (in the same way you haven’t worn your ring much).

So asking you was so you would know the new one was ‘from’ you (and you wouldn’t wonder where the original bracelet was or why she never wears it).

Maybe as it’s a nice bracelet you bought her she assumed it was quite expensive? Although involving you in the pricing of the new one was rather tactless and awkward.

You obviously consider her a good friend who you cherish to have bought her such a nice gift. Unless this is part of a wider pattern of thoughtless or disappointing behaviour, I’d be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she meant well but was just inadvertently a bit tactless here. I wouldn’t assume she didn’t appreciate the gift, although YANBU to feel a bit put out.

Ah, cross post. It seems she's sensed your feelings on the matter!

She spent £40 on your milestone birthday yet is expecting yous owns Atleast £150 on hers?
Have you responded back to her?
I would say feel free to exchange it, the gift reciept is there, and she can make up the difference. You must say that otherwise she may try sending you the bill of the difference

You obviously consider her a good friend who you cherish to have bought her such a nice gift. Unless this is part of a wider pattern of thoughtless or disappointing behaviour, I’d be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she meant well but was just inadvertently a bit tactless here yes defo how I’m seeing it- one of the reasons I was quiet and vented on here so not to make it bigger in the grand scheme of a great friend

So I went quiet on the message and now she’s messaged “on reflection I’ll keep the bracelet x”

I think she’s seen this thread.

@Ogwen

So I went quiet on the message and now she’s messaged “on reflection I’ll keep the bracelet x”

I think she’s seen this thread.

No defo not familiar in anyway with mumsnet

She may well have been nice to your DC, OP, but that's presumably because she wants to be?

That should have nothing to do with presents and obligation. I'm nice to lots of children and don't expect expensive material gifts for it. Enmeshing material gift-giving with social obligation is the road to madness.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

So I went quiet on the message and now she’s messaged “on reflection I’ll keep the bracelet x”

No idea what to say now- I’m guessing me quiet for a bit longer and then message “no worries, gift receipt is there should you want something else” then change the subject/ no point letting it boil up- lesson learnt, always flowers

I'd tell her to consider it a parting gift from your friendship, the cheeky cow.

So I went quiet on the message and now she’s messaged “on reflection I’ll keep the bracelet x”

I do wonder if she initially didn't realise you'd provided the gift receipt and now she's found it.

I reckon either she was hinting at you giving more to make up the difference or she wanted to exchange and realised how much more she would have to pay so has decided to keep it.

So I went quiet on the message and now she’s messaged “on reflection I’ll keep the bracelet x”

I think she’s seen this thread.

Either that or OP wasn’t quite as quick to offer the other £80 as they expected.

@Butchyrestingface

Anyway today I wake up to a message asking me if she could exchange it as she’s prefer something else. I want to know if this is rude or the done thing nowadays? To me I think it is rude- I was brought up to never expect a gift but to be grateful if you get one. There’s also a gift receipt in the bag

At this stage, I'm thinking YOU'RE a bit unreasonable. Better she exchanges it for something she really likes and will make use of, otherwise it's just been a waste of your money.

she doesn’t actually need to tell me “hey I don’t like the gift”.

Coming round to your way of thinking...

Anyway she’s sent me a link for an item she prefers -£150- she says in the message “if” the bracelet was more she’ll find something else.

Fucking cheeky, grasping, brass-necked cow. Get her tae fuck.

AND get your gift back.

The second last sentence sums the situation perfectly, especially said in Scottish which is how I heard it in my head. @Butchyrestingface

She sounds like a bit of a bell-end to me, OP. She is determined to get the full putative value of the bracelet out of you, so she wouldn't settle for the £150 bracelet she likes if she thought you might have spent £175 on her gift, plus doesn't appear at all embarrassed about the above, even knowing that she only spent £40 on the equivalent gift for you.

Interesting that she's now twigged that she was a bit of a CF - wonder if she's on MN?

I’d be thrilled to receive a gift costing that much from a friend op.

She sounds very rude

Next year buy her a box of chocolates

I'm trying to imagine what the milestone / big birthday was, if she behaves like this and still lives at home, but you're a similar age OP and have two children? She sounds like she's 21, but you certainly sound much much more mature.

@SpindlesWinterWhorl

I'm trying to imagine what the milestone / big birthday was, if she behaves like this and still lives at home, but you're a similar age OP and have two children? She sounds like she's 21, but you certainly sound much much more mature.

21 or 30?