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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to think this is rude

259 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 10:21

Went to a friends birthday last night and bought her a bracelet - not that it should matter but for context it cost me £70, which for me is a lot, I have 2 kids, work reduced hours and it’s Christmas time (it was a milestone bday).
Anyway today I wake up to a message asking me if she could exchange it as she’s prefer something else. I want to know if this is rude or the done thing nowadays? To me I think it is rude- I was brought up to never expect a gift but to be grateful if you get one. There’s also a gift receipt in the bag, she doesn’t actually need to tell me “hey I don’t like the gift”. Anyway she’s sent me a link for an item she prefers -£150- she says in the message “if” the bracelet was more she’ll find something else. So not only am I offended she’s now making me look cheap.
Aibu

OP posts:

gettingolderandgrumpy · 05/12/2021 10:59

It may not be to her taste maybe she feels she should check it’s ok . Saying that though I’d just say gift receipt in bag if you want to get something else . I’d be a bit put out if I’m honest .

Faevern · 05/12/2021 11:02

I agree with pp who say that this is a PA way of saying she spent more.
I also agree with those who said tell her the gift receipt is in the bag and she can exchange it with that.

ThePlantsitter · 05/12/2021 11:02

I think that people have wildly differing attitudes to gift giving. Some people are really quite transactional about it.. So although it was loads of money for you (and anyone else), and for you the effort involved in finding it and spending that much symbolises your feelings about her, there's every chance it doesn't symbolise any of that stuff for her.

I still think she's being rude even asking you how much you spent and you should just say 'there's a gift receipt in the bag' like others have suggested, but her wanting to exchange it might well be less laden with meaning than you think.

I learned this with my H's family who are fucking weird about presents by the way! Almost like too much effort isn't de rigeur or something!

Hemingwayscats · 05/12/2021 11:02

You included the gift receipt so she should just have used that to exchange it. Exceptionally rude to inform you she didn’t like it.

Chloemol · 05/12/2021 11:02

I would just go back with

I put the gift receipt in the bag, if you don’t like it feel free to take it back and either choose something of the same value, or top it up yourself. That’s why I put the receipt in the bag so no idea why you feel you need to ask me. Perhaps it’s time we stop buying presents for each other

viques · 05/12/2021 11:03

I would congratulate yourself on your good taste! She obviously thinks the one you bought is worth a lot more than it actually cost. She is in for a nasty shock when she goes to exchange it and finds she has to top up the difference.

Jewellery is a very personal gift, if you don’t like something you are never going to wear it, your “money” would be lying in her jewellery box, such a waste.

Next time buy her a box of decent chocolates, cheaper and not so personal.

Niffler92 · 05/12/2021 11:03

If you don’t want to fall
Out with her just remind her the gift receipt is in the bag.

Original poster

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 11:07

i think that people have wildly differing attitudes to gift giving. Some people are really quite transactional about it this so true, it’s like I owe them something. I wasn’t brought up like that, i remember my mum telling me don’t assume people will bring you a birthday present.

OP posts:

BitchIAmFromChicago · 05/12/2021 11:07

How much was the ring she bought you? I think she’s googled the cost of the bracelet and this his her passive-aggressive way of telling you that she spent more on your gift. I could be wrong though!

Original poster

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 11:09

@BitchIAmFromChicago

I never ever searched it… thanks to all the comments I have just checked and it was £40. I literally don’t think any differently about that present now I know the cost. She is an incredibly thoughtful friend who has gone above and beyond for my children so I don’t care if she has or hasn’t spent the same of me as I did her.

OP posts:

EarthSight · 05/12/2021 11:12

How much do you earn OP? £70 for a friend's bracelet is quite a lot.

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2021 11:15

I'm not sure I'd class her as 'thoughtful'

Shedmistress · 05/12/2021 11:15

Say 'sure', get it back off her and get your money back. Then just stop buying her stuff. You shouldn't have to buy friends.

Lollipop999 · 05/12/2021 11:17

Wow I can’t believe that. It’s extremely rude and ungrateful of her.

I’d just say feel free to exchange, the gift receipt is in the bag, and leave it at that.

Then I’d probably never buy her anything again, well certainly nothing more than a box of chocs

Iloveacurry · 05/12/2021 11:20

A bit rude really. Just say that she’s got the gift receipt and you’re happy for her to exchange the gift. Leave it for her to sort.

DowntonCrabby · 05/12/2021 11:22

Horrendously rude. Not to want to exchange, you kindly included a gift receipt, job done. To inform you she wanted to exchange and to include the amount of the new item she liked was spectacularly rude and entitled.

user1999952776 · 05/12/2021 11:23

It’s alright just remind her the receipt is in the bag and she can exchange it as you want her to be happy with the present but don’t pay the difference.

SickAndTiredAgain · 05/12/2021 11:23

I would swap something I didn’t like if the person who gave it to me gave me the gift receipt - I’d assume they gave it to me for that reason.
But I probably wouldn’t tell them (depends on the person) and I definitely wouldn’t ask the cost, I’d take the receipt to the shop and find out.

Original poster

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 11:24

@EarthSight

How much do you earn OP? £70 for a friend's bracelet is quite a lot.

I earn ok- but life is expensive- I reduced hours recently to be at home more- which has cost me c.just under £300 a month

OP posts:

goodwinter · 05/12/2021 11:27

@SickAndTiredAgain

I would swap something I didn’t like if the person who gave it to me gave me the gift receipt - I’d assume they gave it to me for that reason. But I probably wouldn’t tell them (depends on the person) and I definitely wouldn’t ask the cost, I’d take the receipt to the shop and find out.

Yeah, I think the friends message (especially re price) was really rude, but why leave the gift receipt in the bag if you think exchanging a gift is rude in itself?

FestiveFruitloop · 05/12/2021 11:27

Wow, she's a CF! Especially as you supplied a gift receipt. Even without the CF-ery around cost of gift, I think it's really rude to tell someone you don't like a gift they have taken time and effort to choose.

AnotheChinHair · 05/12/2021 11:28

Spectacularly rude

Singinghollybob · 05/12/2021 11:29

I wouldn't be offended if a friend wanted to exchange a present I'd bought for something she'd prefer/use/wear. I'd rather she did swap it

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/12/2021 11:32

Nothing wrong with using the gift receipt and maybe saying thanks so much, but it doesn't quite go with her skin tone, so she'd like to exchange it for something else equally lovely.

Being apparently oblivious to the cost of the gift is one thing - do gift receipts show the price there in black and white, or do you only find that out if you take the item back? - but believing that she is entitled to £150 and being determined to get her full 'money's worth' is shockingly crass. That's the kind of thing you calculate to maximise the value of a 3 for 2 offer in a shop, not a gift from a close friend.

PinnyPencher3 · 05/12/2021 11:33

Can you tell us what you’re going to do, OP?

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