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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WTF! Random man comment

291 replies

KatherineJaneway · 04/12/2021 15:29

Out in a busy, lively restaurant last night catching up with a good friend. Been there about an hour when a random man walks up to our table and says to me directly 'Do you ever smile?'

I was a bit confused in the moment as I had no idea who he was and my friend and I had been talking, so I was like 'excuse me?' I must have moved from what was clearly a resting bitch face to a smile and he was like 'Oh, you do' and he walked off. I mean, why do that?

YABU - he's making conversation
YANBU - you're right, he's an annoying twat

OP posts:
Returnoftheowl · 04/12/2021 15:32

He's not making conversation, he's putting a a women down and making sure "she knows her place"

MeltedButter · 04/12/2021 15:32

Ugh i hate that. I feel like men that say that get off on the control they have. Like they know it means you are going to smile even if it is out of awkwardness or politeness.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/12/2021 15:32

Definite twat

Igmum · 04/12/2021 15:33

Yes because as a woman it is your responsibility to please all the random dickheads men you might bump into

ChaToilLeam · 04/12/2021 15:33

Absolute twat. You’re not a performing seal!

MrsColon · 04/12/2021 15:34

What an entitled prick - what is it with men thinking they're entitled to a smile from a complete stranger? What if you'd just been discussing the death of a close friend or something else awful?

I've had this a couple of times, my response to both was a deadpan "No" before going back to what I was doing/saying. One bloke slunk off, the other, incredibly, told me I'd be much prettier if I smiled, and was told to fuck off immediately (he called me a bitch). Afterwards I wished I'd treated him to a lecture on how women don't owe complete strangers anything.

cheeseislife8 · 04/12/2021 15:34

Definitely a tent

cheeseislife8 · 04/12/2021 15:34

*twat

SnugKnights · 04/12/2021 15:34

@MeltedButter

Ugh i hate that. I feel like men that say that get off on the control they have. Like they know it means you are going to smile even if it is out of awkwardness or politeness.
It certainly doesn’t make me smile when dickheads say stuff like this to me. I’m more likely to tell them to fuck right off!
DrManhattan · 04/12/2021 15:35

Hes a total bell end. Fact

Chesneyhawkes1 · 04/12/2021 15:36

I remember a similar thread ages ago when the lady replied "thank you for your comment random man"

Original poster
KatherineJaneway · 04/12/2021 15:38

It took me a lot to go out last night. I dressed up as the restaurant has a dress code and I have had a rough few months so to have this random walk up and pick on me was not pleasant. Angry with myself I can only come up with a smart retort a long time after the event.

OP posts:
Original poster
KatherineJaneway · 04/12/2021 15:39

@Chesneyhawkes1

I remember a similar thread ages ago when the lady replied "thank you for your comment random man"
I wish I was that quick. He caught me off guard.
OP posts:
Kernowfornia · 04/12/2021 15:39

A negging opening gambit … can’t believe you didn’t club him over the head and drag him back to your cave to procreate there and then.

secretllama · 04/12/2021 15:41

If someone said that to me I'd tell them someone I know had just died in the hope they feel rotten. How fucking dare people make comments like that without knowing what's going on in someone's lives.

bungaloid · 04/12/2021 15:41

You don't need a clever retort, just tell him to fuck off.

TheSpottedZebra · 04/12/2021 15:43

@KatherineJaneway

It took me a lot to go out last night. I dressed up as the restaurant has a dress code and I have had a rough few months so to have this random walk up and pick on me was not pleasant. Angry with myself I can only come up with a smart retort a long time after the event.
Maybe you were looking too nice or confident and so needed to be 'put in your place'?

It's all about power isn't it.

WineAway · 04/12/2021 15:43

Well you’re not performing femininity properly are you? Do you not realise your role is to be decorative, a support human & pleasing to all males. Otherwise what is the point of you? It’s not like you’re a real person.

He’s a amadhan.

foxgoosefinch · 04/12/2021 15:44

@Returnoftheowl

He's not making conversation, he's putting a a women down and making sure "she knows her place"
^^This!
Fatarseflanagan09 · 04/12/2021 15:45

One bloke asked me why I was so skinny, I asked him if he’d got as many spots on his dick as he had on his face.

foxgoosefinch · 04/12/2021 15:45

My comeback for that kind of random man comment is always:

“Do you always harass women in public?”

Original poster
KatherineJaneway · 04/12/2021 15:46

@bungaloid

You don't need a clever retort, just tell him to fuck off.
I just felt like an idiot. I was catching up with my friend to be confronted with a random comment I wasn't quick enough to even tell him to eff off.
OP posts:
wankywomble · 04/12/2021 15:46

I had a guy say this to me just after I had been told I had cancer. Told him 'oh I didn't realise that being told I have cancer was something to smile about'. He couldn't get away fast enough, I'd gone away for a couple of days before surgery and it really upset me. Why the fuck would you say that to someone when you have no idea what they are going through?

aspirational · 04/12/2021 15:47

Here you go OP, how to deal with that Brandon man

m.youtube.com/watch?v=AX4sf1JVY24

aspirational · 04/12/2021 15:47

Random man Smile