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WTF! Random man comment
291

KatherineJaneway · 04/12/2021 15:29

Out in a busy, lively restaurant last night catching up with a good friend. Been there about an hour when a random man walks up to our table and says to me directly 'Do you ever smile?'

I was a bit confused in the moment as I had no idea who he was and my friend and I had been talking, so I was like 'excuse me?' I must have moved from what was clearly a resting bitch face to a smile and he was like 'Oh, you do' and he walked off. I mean, why do that?

YABU - he's making conversation
YANBU - you're right, he's an annoying twat

OP's posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Chaosinhousehold · 04/12/2021 17:15

I love Hoarding's friend's response. That is brilliant. It is guaranteed to stop him from ever doing it to anyone else.

I'll remember that. I am far more likely to scream "F&*k off you [email protected]

"help, help.....this man. is bothering me. Go away. Why are you harassing me".

We should all do this.

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Thwackit · 04/12/2021 17:16

Absolute dickhead that has no social skills and a shit personality.

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ThatNameAgainItsMrPlow · 04/12/2021 17:16

I’ve had people say "cheer up, it might never happen" to me, and I'm a man! I think calling a women he wasn't intimate/close with "love" makes it inappropriate, but otherwise this isn't necessarily sexist

Sighs deeply

How about men/strangers fuck off thinking I’m going to modify my behaviour/face to please them?

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Chaosinhousehold · 04/12/2021 17:16

Who the hell is [email protected]
I was trying to type twa}

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Mochudubh · 04/12/2021 17:18

@MothralovesGojira

Not sure how much respect is due to a man in his 40s who needs his mum to fight his battles for him.

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RestingMurderousFace · 04/12/2021 17:19

@notacooldad

I remember a similar thread ages ago when the lady replied "thank you for your comment random man"
Oh that's good. Hope I remember it
It really usnt. I'm not going to thank any one who does that to me.

I think "get to fuck random man" covers it better.
I'm not going thank a twat for unwanted and unwarranted attention.

I prefer the cool interference of the "Thank you..."
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RestingMurderousFace · 04/12/2021 17:20

*Indifference

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EyesAsGreenAsAFreshPickledToad · 04/12/2021 17:24

I did wonder if someone might say this! It's question-begging to say "why do men do this women?" when men and women also do it to men.

It's a rude comment to make to people who aren't smiling, regardless of whether they are a man or a woman


Stop being goady, random man. I’m SURE it happens all day everyday to you and to ALL the men you know but I’ve never heard anyone telling a man to smile or cheer up.

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Hairycut · 04/12/2021 17:34

I find stony silence and a fixed, eye engaging stare before dropping my gaze down their body with a hint of a sardonic sneer effective.

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BeardyButton · 04/12/2021 17:34

O gosh Op!!! How did you forget that your whole reason for being is to decorate the earth for men. Even men you don’t know. Your smiles add joy to their days. Your refusal to do that, and instead shape your face into whatever way you are actually feeling is a snack in their face. I’m so glad this man was brave enough to tell it like it is.

In other words.... misogyny at its finest.

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ChargingBuck · 04/12/2021 17:34

I did wonder if someone might say this! It's question-begging to say "why do men do this women?" when men and women also do it to men.

You wondered if you were making a plonker of yourself, but lo! - felt entitled to trot on in with an asinine remark anyway.

If you are white @Kosmin, do you also join in when black people discuss everyday racism, just to let them know whether their lifelong lived experience of microaggressions & dominance displays from white people constitutes racism or not?

Are you getting it yet?

I don't give a toss for your Whataboutery, or what women say to you in your imagination the street. Just as you wouldn't patronise & correct a black guy when he tells you he felt a comment was racist ... you don't get to tell women what constitutes sexism.

Now sod off, & don't @ me again boyo.
Women don't owe you attention or deference, especially when you tout your incorrect opinion as fact in the face of decades of our own intellect & experience.

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notacooldad · 04/12/2021 17:35

I prefer the cool interference of the "Thank you..."
I'm sticking to my guns on this one. I may not tell them to do one but I'm certainly not going to thank anyone.
It really makes me mad having my time and space invaded by condescending patronizing and insulting comments by rude blokes who are absolutely nothing to me.

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MarshaBradyo · 04/12/2021 17:36

@notacooldad

I prefer the cool interference of the "Thank you..."
I'm sticking to my guns on this one. I may not tell them to do one but I'm certainly not going to thank anyone.
It really makes me mad having my time and space invaded by condescending patronizing and insulting comments by rude blokes who are absolutely nothing to me.

Yep
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Chesneyhawkes1 · 04/12/2021 17:40

@RestingMurderousFace I've been remembering it since I read the thread.

Thankfully not had to use it ... yet!

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5128gap · 04/12/2021 17:40

Its attention seeking. He'd noticed you, you hadn't noticed him from a hole in the ground so he had to find a way to intrude. Telling you to smile is the ultimate cliché, so not only is he attention seeking, he is also unoriginal and dull. (Thats why he is a random man who needs to overstep to get a woman to realise he's there, rather than an interesting man fully occupied with his own life).

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Hairycut · 04/12/2021 17:41

@MothralovesGojira

We had something similar in our shop last month. One of our employee's is a young woman who is very helpful and polite but very quiet (for reasons that I won't go into). It was Saturday morning and a male customer aged about 40ish was trying to chat her up and wouldn't hand over any money until he'd had "some service with a smile" (I kid you not) to which she replied with a polite "that will be £ please". A stand off ensued with him staring her down until another customer tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to stop holding the queue up and he grudgingly paid up and left. All this is bad enough but on Monday morning the man's mother came in to the shop and loudly complained that her son had been disrespected on Saturday by some young bitch who didn't know how to treat a customer properly and that she was very upset that her own son had been treated so horrendously. She said all he'd wanted was to be shown respect due to him and to have a smile from the woman. Honestly this is absolutely true. My manager was very angry and told the mother that no one owes her son pretty and that neither of them were welcome to return.
My poor colleague was so mortified but does now know that she does not have to accept men hitting on her and knows to ask for back up in future so one of us can come and explain to these random men why their behaviour is unacceptable - we only had to wait for her next shift for it to happen again.

Similar happened to me working in a pub.

Man ordered a large round of drinks then waved a wad of cash to pay but wouldn't hand it over unless I smiled. I snatched it out of his hand with a thunder face, I was so fucking angry. He slunk away like the shitty little arsehole he was.

I had this weekly, sometimes daily, from men (never women) when I was younger

The absolute best thing about ageing is the lack of attention from odious men.
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Dozer · 04/12/2021 17:41

Everyday sexism. Horrible.

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girlmom21 · 04/12/2021 17:43

@MothralovesGojira

We had something similar in our shop last month. One of our employee's is a young woman who is very helpful and polite but very quiet (for reasons that I won't go into). It was Saturday morning and a male customer aged about 40ish was trying to chat her up and wouldn't hand over any money until he'd had "some service with a smile" (I kid you not) to which she replied with a polite "that will be £ please". A stand off ensued with him staring her down until another customer tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to stop holding the queue up and he grudgingly paid up and left. All this is bad enough but on Monday morning the man's mother came in to the shop and loudly complained that her son had been disrespected on Saturday by some young bitch who didn't know how to treat a customer properly and that she was very upset that her own son had been treated so horrendously. She said all he'd wanted was to be shown respect due to him and to have a smile from the woman. Honestly this is absolutely true. My manager was very angry and told the mother that no one owes her son pretty and that neither of them were welcome to return.
My poor colleague was so mortified but does now know that she does not have to accept men hitting on her and knows to ask for back up in future so one of us can come and explain to these random men why their behaviour is unacceptable - we only had to wait for her next shift for it to happen again.

While this is batshit, I'm glad she has the support of a variety of colleagues and she doesn't have to tolerate or confront this bullshit behaviour.

You and your colleagues are fab.
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BeardyButton · 04/12/2021 17:44

@ChargingBuck

I did wonder if someone might say this! It's question-begging to say "why do men do this women?" when men and women also do it to men.

You wondered if you were making a plonker of yourself, but lo! - felt entitled to trot on in with an asinine remark anyway.

If you are white *@Kosmin*, do you also join in when black people discuss everyday racism, just to let them know whether their lifelong lived experience of microaggressions & dominance displays from white people constitutes racism or not?

Are you getting it yet?

I don't give a toss for your Whataboutery, or what women say to you in your imagination the street. Just as you wouldn't patronise & correct a black guy when he tells you he felt a comment was racist ... you don't get to tell women what constitutes sexism.

Now sod off, & don't @ me again boyo.
Women don't owe you attention or deference, especially when you tout your incorrect opinion as fact in the face of decades of our own intellect & experience.

Fair dues! Couldn’t have said it better. The NAMALTs are a pain, but worse still are the misogynistic mansplainers who think they have the god given right to decide what sexism/misogyny is and then feed it back to women who actually experience this on a day to day basis.
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MothralovesGojira · 04/12/2021 17:45

@Mochudubh
Yes, funnily enough we thought the exact same thing! Luckily I'm older and have had a few years to perfect my resting bitch/are you on glue face but even I was gobbed smacked by this person's mother.

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LuluBlakey1 · 04/12/2021 17:53

I remember being about 25 and out with a group of 5 of 6 friends. One of them was getting married and we'd gone out for early cocktails followed by a meal. Nothing too wild. As we were getting ready to leave the cocktail place about 8, a man, about 60, who I had seen watching us came over , put his hand on my friend who was getting married's arm and said smirking, 'A plain face like yours sometimes hides a good heart' and walked away. Only she and I heard because the others had started towards the door. She was so embarrassed and we tried to dismiss it by saying he was an old drunk and really rude and an absolute knacker etc but I could see she was shaken and upset.
She was absolutely stunning on her wedding day and I always hope she never thought of that horrible man and his nasty comment again.

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BeardyButton · 04/12/2021 17:55

@Hairycut yes. I thank my stars for turning 35 and every day since becoming more unnoticed by these fuckers. They made me miserable.

I have so many many stories. From the waiter on holidays in Tunisia who told me my eyes were so beautiful he wanted to remove them and keep them in a jar by his bed (I was 13) to the colleague who told me the only reason my work was appreciated was because I was ‘sensual’. I ve had so many “smile it may never happens” I couldn’t count. And one guy in a restaurant tried to convince me he was a doctor and asked to feel my neck as he thought I had a goitar (I was 17, he was 50 ish and drunk).

These are not complements. They are not “characters who like to banter”. These are entitlements. They are men who believe they have the right to something (sex, prestige at work, etc etc). They use these shitty comments as ways of enforcing those entitlements.

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fakereview · 04/12/2021 17:57

@ChaToilLeam

Absolute twat. You’re not a performing seal!

I think you have just given me an idea for a put-down if it ever happens to me (I am probably too old now, but in case).

Women aren't here to perform for you. Goodbye.
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5zeds · 04/12/2021 17:58

Not all assaults are physical.

OP you were verbally attacked by a stranger. Clever retorts aren’t necessarily and will titillate as much as looking upset/silenced.

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MothralovesGojira · 04/12/2021 18:00

Thank you @girlmom21
Our manager is brilliant at supporting us thankfully. A couple of weeks ago a man in his 80's (and riding a motability scooter to boot) came up to and said "I like your jumper".
I replied thank you.
He then followed up with "I like what's in it better".
I leaned over the counter and looked to the left and then the right and replied" Did you bring Leslie Phillips or Sid James in with you"?
He replied "No why?"
I replied " Because I thought we'd all fallen into some kind of 1960's comedy nightmare"
At that his daughter came rushing over and firmly wheeled him away while muttering "not again dad".

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