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WTF! Random man comment
291

KatherineJaneway · 04/12/2021 15:29

Out in a busy, lively restaurant last night catching up with a good friend. Been there about an hour when a random man walks up to our table and says to me directly 'Do you ever smile?'

I was a bit confused in the moment as I had no idea who he was and my friend and I had been talking, so I was like 'excuse me?' I must have moved from what was clearly a resting bitch face to a smile and he was like 'Oh, you do' and he walked off. I mean, why do that?

YABU - he's making conversation
YANBU - you're right, he's an annoying twat

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

lottiegarbanzo · 06/12/2021 12:08

@WiseMitera69

We've spent nearly 2 years behind masks, and so many of us have suffered from mental health issues not seeing a smiling face.
Maybe you're overreacting.

Well, that's the thin end of the incel wedge right there, isn't it.

When 'I would like to experience a particular form of human interaction' is perceived as = 'therefore a woman owes it to me' and 'I may rightfully demand that she do offer it to me' (because I am a deserving person and women exist as men's helpmeets, not as autonomous people).

(and I may rightfully get extremely angry with the disobedient bitch, if she doesn't give me what I want).

Or... you could behave like a normal, social human being; act towards others in the same considerate, respectful, thoughtful way you would like people to act towards you. Combined with your basic social knowledge, that not everyone likes exactly the same things and you'd need to get to know someone before knowing what might make them smile.

Not difficult.
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Maireas · 06/12/2021 12:41

@lottiegarbanzo - in a nutshell.

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notacooldad · 06/12/2021 13:04

We've spent nearly 2 years behind masks, and so many of us have suffered from mental health issues not seeing a smiling face
Maybe you're overreacting
What kind of knob head comment is that?

Anyway these comments have been going on for decades.
It was rude,inappropriate and gross 40 years ago when I was a teenager as it is today.

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TinyTear · 06/12/2021 13:08

@Fatarseflanagan09

One bloke asked me why I was so skinny, I asked him if he’d got as many spots on his dick as he had on his face.

An ex (note the ex) after a lot of back story said "do i have idiot written on my face?"

for once i had the reply

"i don't know, I haven't connected the dots!"

i know it was below the belt, and he was only 20yo and self conscious about his skin, but he was also a cheat
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OneTC · 06/12/2021 13:23

so because it's happened to you, and you're a man, it's not sexist?
Right. I think you need to educate yourself about male entitlement and harrassment. We're not talking about the odd insensitive remark here. It's about control and the perceived role of women.


I think when a bloke does it to a woman it's sexist behaviour. The bloke is exerting or attempting to exert control over the situation that's only ever going to be favourable/enjoyable for them. It's taking advantage of their likely physical primacy. It is done because the woman is perceived as weaker or more vulnerable.

Men (mostly) do say it to other men, and with similar motive, but without the sex imbalance. It's still someone normally engaging in what they'll be quick to call "banter" if you react badly to it. It doesn't mean it's not sexist when it's aimed at women though

And most importantly, it's still men that do this, and in particular with that exact motive

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WiseMitera69 · 06/12/2021 14:21

No I'm not some random man!
But it doesn't cost anything for someone to smile.
And remember we are only getting one part of the "story" there's always 2 sides.
Maybe the guy had his own demons to fight, maybe the woman reminded him of a lost love one.
We've become a nation that's too quick to judge!

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Maireas · 06/12/2021 14:25

it doesn't cost anything for someone to smile
Actually it doesn't cost anything for random men to stay away from women.
Why should his feelings be paramount? Maybe if a woman doesn't feel like smiling in order to please a man that's ok

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MrsTerryPratchett · 06/12/2021 14:46

Maybe the guy had his own demons to fight, maybe the woman reminded him of a lost love one.

And he thought he'd say, "do you ever smile?"

And every wanker who came up to me as a teenager and said similar, they were all bereaved souls too? Odd how I reminded so many men of loved ones when I was a pretty teenager. And no women. And not now I'm pissed off and menopausal.

I hear sexist comments (hooves) I think sexism (horses) not bereaved loved ones (zebras).

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lottiegarbanzo · 06/12/2021 14:58

Spot on MrsTerryPratchett.

It doesn't cost anything to accord other people respect (so avoid interrupting their conversations with random rude demands), does it eh? @WiseMitera69

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IntermittentParps · 06/12/2021 15:03

He was a twat with (sadly) a typically male sense of entitlement. I'd bet my bottom dollar he has never and would never say that to a man.
Don't worry about how you did or didn't respond. Store up some of these responses for if there's a next time and remind yourself he's a loser.

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lottiegarbanzo · 06/12/2021 15:05

Though I am now somewhat amused at the mental image of @WiseMitera69 going about their life with a permanent rictus grin, because it doesn't cost anything to smile AT ALL TIMES (including and especially for the benefit of random passing strangers with whom one intends no interaction).

Keeeep grinning WiseMitera69 !

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Gwrach · 06/12/2021 15:11

I have a resting bitch face, it's really Oscar worthy, it's constant I can't change it, it's how my fave muscles relax. If I'm thinking I'll also drop my brow and appear to scowl, it's just my face.

I am constantly asked to smile by men. It infuriates me and surprisingly me resting bitch face turns in to a genuine look of disgust and displeasure then.

I am so fed up of "random men comments"

Things like on the weekend a man was clearly ahead of me in the queue but we weren't arranged in a line so I said "you were before me" he replied "ah you are prettier than me, you can go first"

🙄

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Sidehustle99 · 06/12/2021 15:38

Eewww you smell like fucking feet

or

Stop following me Janine you fucking weirdo

Have always worked quite well for me. You have to say it with real disapproval though. And then sometimes hysterical laughing if they are super arrogant.

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WiseMitera69 · 06/12/2021 17:41

Privacy in an open place, you've got to be kidding me.

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Maireas · 06/12/2021 17:44

@WiseMitera69

Privacy in an open place, you've got to be kidding me.

Clearly women have no right to that at all, according to some.
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IntermittentParps · 06/12/2021 18:18

Everyone can and should expect privacy in the sense of people not walking up to you at random and saying things about your personal demeanour/appearance, yes.
It seems to happen disproportionately to women at the hands of men.

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Negligee · 06/12/2021 18:57

@WiseMitera69

No I'm not some random man!
But it doesn't cost anything for someone to smile.
And remember we are only getting one part of the "story" there's always 2 sides.
Maybe the guy had his own demons to fight, maybe the woman reminded him of a lost love one.
We've become a nation that's too quick to judge!

No, we’ve become women who are thoroughly sick of being regarded as some form of street decoration by random male strangers who feel entitled to interrupt us while we’re minding our own business and require us to buy in to their delusion that a male presence makes us smile.

Damn right I’m judging. Deal with your own demons, Random Man. Funny how women’s ‘demons’ never make them require make strangers to rearrange their expressions to look prettier. Odd that. Grin
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IntermittentParps · 06/12/2021 18:59

No, we’ve become women who are thoroughly sick of being regarded as some form of street decoration by random male strangers who feel entitled to interrupt us while we’re minding our own business and require us to buy in to their delusion that a male presence makes us smile.

Damn right I’m judging. Deal with your own demons, Random Man. Funny how women’s ‘demons’ never make them require make strangers to rearrange their expressions to look prettier. Odd that

Indeed. For the love of Christ what are you on about, WiseMitera69?!?

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Maireas · 06/12/2021 18:59

@Negligee - absolutely!

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MarshaBradyo · 06/12/2021 19:00

Negligee has it.

Spot on

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KatherineJaneway · 06/12/2021 20:44

But it doesn't cost anything for someone to smile.

@WiseMitera69 So I am meant to smile constantly in public even when inappropriate to do so? Are you this man? I think you might be.

And remember we are only getting one part of the "story" there's always 2 sides.

Are you kidding me? I have related what happened. I have never seen this man before and he didn't reappear at our table after this encounter. This is not a relationship, it was a short exchange. There are no 'sides'.

Maybe the guy had his own demons to fight, maybe the woman reminded him of a lost love one.

Oh please.

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ddl1 · 06/12/2021 22:27

@WiseMitera69

We've spent nearly 2 years behind masks, and so many of us have suffered from mental health issues not seeing a smiling face.
Maybe you're overreacting.

This sort of thing was happening long before the pandemic. You can't blame EVERYTHING on Covid and its resulting restrictions. And if it was that - why is it nearly always men demanding smiles from women, rather than the other way round?
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ddl1 · 06/12/2021 22:32

@WiseMitera69

No I'm not some random man!
But it doesn't cost anything for someone to smile.
And remember we are only getting one part of the "story" there's always 2 sides.
Maybe the guy had his own demons to fight, maybe the woman reminded him of a lost love one.
We've become a nation that's too quick to judge!

This is not about relationships, in which there might be two sides. It's about male strangers going around making rude comments to female strangers. Yes, one individual might have some backstory, though 'Do you ever smile?' would be an odd reaction to someone looking like a lost loved one, but it can't explain the frequency with which this sort of thing happens.

And smiling because some random stranger has ordered you to does cost something: your dignity and your honesty. If you are constantly giving smiles to order, then your 'real' smiles are likely to mean less, The currency has been debased.
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mycatisannoying · 06/12/2021 22:35

Ooh, I fucking hate men like this!

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kittenkipper · 06/12/2021 22:56

Oh god. Can't believe some responses here amounting to - the man could have some heartache and you should "be kind!

Why is it theses defenders of bastards never apply the same to the women in question?! SHE HAS TOLD US SHE STRUGGLED TO GO OUT. SHE FEELS SILLY AND EMBARRASSED. IT WAS HARD AND UPSETTING FOR HER. We know this. We don't know anymore about the man other than what he did to her and yet posters ignore all that we know about the op.

Op he's a dick. And if he has good reason for being so I don't give a shit. That wouldn't give him permission to accost women for no reason beyond his ego. No man has ever done this to another man and yet there are few women who have never been instructed by some cock to "smile" .

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