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AIBU?

WTF! Random man comment

291 replies

KatherineJaneway · 04/12/2021 15:29

Out in a busy, lively restaurant last night catching up with a good friend. Been there about an hour when a random man walks up to our table and says to me directly 'Do you ever smile?'

I was a bit confused in the moment as I had no idea who he was and my friend and I had been talking, so I was like 'excuse me?' I must have moved from what was clearly a resting bitch face to a smile and he was like 'Oh, you do' and he walked off. I mean, why do that?

YABU - he's making conversation
YANBU - you're right, he's an annoying twat

OP posts:

Report

Am I being unreasonable?

3488 votes. Final results.

POLL

You are being unreasonable

1%

You are NOT being unreasonable

99%

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/12/2021 16:42

I remember a similar thread ages ago when the lady replied "thank you for your comment random man"
^^

I came on to say fhat!

coogee · 04/12/2021 16:48

I remember a similar thread ages ago when the lady replied "thank you for your comment random man

I remember that too but didn’t think would even register as a put down to anybody rude enough to comment.

ALongHardWinter · 04/12/2021 16:49

Omg I HATE IT when men do this. I remember an incident 10 years ago when my DM had just died. I was waiting at a bus stop with my adult daughter,when some guy at the bus stop said to me 'Cheer up love,it might never happen'. My DD ripped into him,telling him to piss off with his stupid,thoughtless remarks,that I'd just lost my mum 3 days previously. The look on his face was priceless. I hope that he thought twice before coming out with his twattish comments in the future. I doubt it though.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/12/2021 16:49

I had a reply for a few years. When it used to happen constantly.

"Cheer up love it might never happen"

"It just did" with a death stare.

Now I'm old no one gives a shit what I do with my face.

ALongHardWinter · 04/12/2021 16:51

Must also add that I'm intrigued about the 1% who voted YABU!

Kosmin · 04/12/2021 16:55

@ALongHardWinter

Must also add that I'm intrigued about the 1% who voted YABU!

They are probably just trolling. Do AIBU questions ever get unanimous agreement on here?

misscockerspaniel · 04/12/2021 16:55

@Chesneyhawkes1

I remember a similar thread ages ago when the lady replied "thank you for your comment random man"

This is a quote from MN that comes into my mind quite frequently. Thank you to whoever came up with it, it is so apt.

Charliesgotachocolatefactory · 04/12/2021 16:56

Why do men do this? I have had this kind of comment a few times and I either go for ‘not when I’ve just come from a funeral, no’ or go ‘sorry, what?’ a couple of times to get them to repeat themselves. By the third time of saying it they either realise how stupid they sound or give up and walk off. Twats.

ChargingBuck · 04/12/2021 16:56

I've had people say "cheer up, it might never happen" to me, and I'm a man! I think calling a women he wasn't intimate/close with "love" makes it inappropriate, but otherwise this isn't necessarily sexist.

Thanks for popping by to mansplain sexism to the laydeez, Random Man.

notacooldad · 04/12/2021 16:57

I remember a similar thread ages ago when the lady replied "thank you for your comment random man"
Oh that's good. Hope I remember it
It really usnt. I'm not going to thank any one who does that to me.

I think "get to fuck random man" covers it better.
I'm not going thank a twat for unwanted and unwarranted attention.

MothralovesGojira · 04/12/2021 16:57

We had something similar in our shop last month. One of our employee's is a young woman who is very helpful and polite but very quiet (for reasons that I won't go into). It was Saturday morning and a male customer aged about 40ish was trying to chat her up and wouldn't hand over any money until he'd had "some service with a smile" (I kid you not) to which she replied with a polite "that will be £ please". A stand off ensued with him staring her down until another customer tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to stop holding the queue up and he grudgingly paid up and left. All this is bad enough but on Monday morning the man's mother came in to the shop and loudly complained that her son had been disrespected on Saturday by some young bitch who didn't know how to treat a customer properly and that she was very upset that her own son had been treated so horrendously. She said all he'd wanted was to be shown respect due to him and to have a smile from the woman. Honestly this is absolutely true. My manager was very angry and told the mother that no one owes her son pretty and that neither of them were welcome to return.
My poor colleague was so mortified but does now know that she does not have to accept men hitting on her and knows to ask for back up in future so one of us can come and explain to these random men why their behaviour is unacceptable - we only had to wait for her next shift for it to happen again.

Happylargo · 04/12/2021 16:58

Wtf??! I doubt whether this man would approach another man and ask the same question. This man sounds like an arrogant, controlling creep.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/12/2021 16:59

@ChargingBuck

I've had people say "cheer up, it might never happen" to me, and I'm a man! I think calling a women he wasn't intimate/close with "love" makes it inappropriate, but otherwise this isn't necessarily sexist.

Thanks for popping by to mansplain sexism to the laydeez, Random Man.

Quite. I'm not sure men really get how often this shit is for us. It's like the Diet Coke ad is the same as billboards on every surface.

I once had a wanker come up to me and ask if I could still talk if he chopped my hands off (I gesticulated a lot). Repulsive threat of violence with my sexism? Great.

CloudyStorms · 04/12/2021 17:00

What a weird thing to say to someone

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 04/12/2021 17:00

I have a mad, couldn't give a shit friend who has a range of responses to even the mildest of unsolicited male attention.

She scared the crap out of me, and the encroaching 'give us a smile, love' man by scooting backwards crying,. ' No, no, get away from me, help!'

Everyone stopped and looked, waitress came across and asked if we were ok and suggested the man leave. Which he did.

No idea what else she might do, I am always somewhat in awe of her idiosyncratic social interaction. 🙂

Hummingbirdcake · 04/12/2021 17:01

I’ve had this a lot. It’s always said with an undertone of aggression and the men saying it are rarely smiling, as I have sometimes pointed out. When I can be bothered responding.

hotmeatymilk · 04/12/2021 17:03

This is when you lose control of your fork, whoopsy-daisy, butterfingers, and stab him in the fucking thigh.

EmmaOvary · 04/12/2021 17:05

ChargingBuck
"I've had people say "cheer up, it might never happen" to me, and I'm a man! I think calling a women he wasn't intimate/close with "love" makes it inappropriate, but otherwise this isn't necessarily sexist."

Ok petal. -winks at the other women present
Must be his time of the month. It's a real shame he doesn't smile more, eh?

lottiegarbanzo · 04/12/2021 17:06

How is this even a question? Of course he's an arsehole!

MarshaBradyo · 04/12/2021 17:07

How annoying

Heruka · 04/12/2021 17:09

Gives me the fucking rage. Especially that things like this throw you off so much you have no time to gather yourself to say fuck off you fucking prickface.

Kosmin · 04/12/2021 17:09

@ChargingBuck

I've had people say "cheer up, it might never happen" to me, and I'm a man! I think calling a women he wasn't intimate/close with "love" makes it inappropriate, but otherwise this isn't necessarily sexist.

Thanks for popping by to mansplain sexism to the laydeez, Random Man.

I did wonder if someone might say this! It's question-begging to say "why do men do this women?" when men and women also do it to men.

It's a rude comment to make to people who aren't smiling, regardless of whether they are a man or a woman.

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CaliforniaDrumming · 04/12/2021 17:10

Oh he is worse than a twat. He is a misogynistic controlling prick.

Chaosinhousehold · 04/12/2021 17:11

Seriously, what a twat. This is just another way men abuse women. It's like a weaponised PA comment.

Are women meant to smile just to please men?

When I was 17 my mum died and we were in our city centre a few days later having a walk after going to see her relatives. Some man came up to me and said "cheer up love, it might never happen".

Honestly MEN, just fuck off.

Joolsin · 04/12/2021 17:14

"Do you ever mind your own business?" would be a good retort in OP's case, although I'm another who never thinks of suitable replies at the time. Now I'm in my 50s, though, no-one asks me this kind of thing anymore. Yay for menopausal invisibility!!

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