To be annoyed at partner re money

[Humbugslife]

Dont know whether im here to rant or to be told IABU. My partner earns probably easy twice as much as me. I take home say 1.6k a month and am a single parent. My bills inc rent council tax gas electric childcare etc are well over 1k and i get say 300 uc. My partner meanwhile lives with his mum idk how much he earns but i know its over 3.5k a month (he got a bonus and was saying its great 80% of a months wages etc). We both work hard but i dont think he realises the pressure he puts on me to financially live up to this lifestyle he wants. He stays in mine half the week and doesnt contribute financially i buy food in for his lunches and dinners hot showers twice a day etc. He would the odd time come back with bread or milk thats about it. He keeps mentioning going on two holidays next year. We should just go away for the weekend hotel breaks. I think he thinks i have some money tree that doesnt exist. Only recently he applied for a mortgage to get a housr without even telling me as he said he just seen it and knew it was right so was going to tell me after when it was finalised. He only recently said to me i should move down closer his way as he has commitments down there and cannot leave and wants to spend more time with me (lives in a separate area of england). This all sounds great but he expects me to rent out an appartment (more expensive in his area) he then could stay with me even more according to him. Ive already been eating into my savings i cant afford any of this unless he would be willing to share bills or rent. Only recently he was saying how great his shares are doing he just stuck in 2k sure its only 2k doesnt really matter if he loses it. Thats alot of money to me. Hes honestly not a bad guy i just dont think he realises the impact all these things have on me while i live payslip to payslip. He is also tight in other areas. Wpuld suggest sharing meals if out. We both split bills or on a night out take turns to buy drinks my friends say yano their bf takes them out for the night and doesnt let them spend. Im not like that in the slightest but it seems to be everything else getting to much for me. Its his bday soon and he was saying he wants a weekend away and that i shouldnt be spending too much on the hotel (implying im paying for it) when he has already told me what present he wants that was expensive enough. Help am i really being unreasonable how would you explain things to him in this situation

He is disgusting

What you spoke to him about this?

So um have you ever actually told him how you live, thay yoire skint and can’t afford it, and wish him to pay for food and showers when he stays at yours?

He sounds absolutely awful op

Open your mouth and say something. Yabu if you don't.

Dump. His. Arse. Wtf are you doing OP? You're worth more!!

You need to just be honest and explain that you can't afford it. If he cares about you then it won't be a problem.

OMG.
Any women who are single just need to go on mumsnet and see how much worse it could be.
If you have any self respect, please leave this cocklodging tight arsed loser.

He's a free loader!
It won't work financially with someone like that I'm afraid.

You need to talk to him OP. At the very least, he needs to be contributing to your grocery bill for the food he eats. When he mentions holidays etc, do you say "I can't afford that"? You've got to be upfront about this.

Get rid! He’s a tight ass user

He’s taking the piss.

And at the risk of sounding harsh, you’re a complete mug for putting up with him. Why are you doing it?

Your children only have you to rely on for everything they need. You’re taking money out of their mouths to fund a man who earns more than twice what you do and lives with his mother.

How did it get to this point?

And as if you’re going to uproot your kids to provide a flat he can pop into when he fancies a free meal or a shag?!

He sounds fucking clueless!

Tell him you can’t afford him anymore. And cut him loose.

High light to him that you have a child OP. You sound like you are different ask him what he thinks.

Can you go through CMS for your child?

I disagree that you should talk to him...it should be bloody obvious that he shouldn't be taking the piss like this seeing as you are a single mum running your own household and he's living at home and earning more...it's just convenient for him to turn a blind eye to the glaring disparity

dump him

Whether you are being U or not is entirely dependent on whether you have spoken to him about it at all or not. I think some people really are oblivious when it comes to money. He might just not realise how different your financial situations are and how difficult it can be for you to keep up with his spending.

If you have spoken to him about it, then he is being a dick. You need to be explicit with him in terms of things like - 'It would be lovely to go away for your birthday, but I just can't afford it. So if you want us to go you are going to have to pay for it'

What the fuck are you still with this freeloader for????

I can’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself tbh. I mean this in the kindest way but your self worth OP!

Stop using your savings on him. Sit him down and talk to him.
Look, you live at home & earn more than me. I have commitments with my children. I cannot afford to subsidise you. If you want to continue staying over you need to contribute to my food shop & electric bill for your showers. I am not being mean, I am being realistic.
I want you to have a nice birthday but I will not be paying for a hotel stay. I cannot afford the expensive present you want. I will happily cook a nice meal.
Christmas is 8 weeks away and I am putting my kids first.
His reaction will tell you everything.

I wouldn’t bother talking to him, he’s tight by nature- never treated you to dinner? Sod that.

How long has he been your partner ?

You have a choice

Tell him you can’t afford him to stay with you for free and this is how much you need and give him a figure, tell him you can’t afford to go away

Or dump him, which is what I would do on the little you have said

I have just applied for cms. Not sure how much id get. If i had childcare i could work more hours but i am already full time. I think deep down this money issue may always be a problem for me. I practically funded my ex who earned a lot less maybe its my own fault and im coming across as though i want to treat him or be seen as independent idk. He is very career driven nothing wrong with that but i barely see him as it is. He has just applied for a new job earning an extra 10k a year apparently and insists i should work up the ladder to earn more too. Idk maybe we just look for different things. Im very restricted with the hours and days i can do for childcare. Im not saying i expect him to pay for food or using the water ik that sounds shitty as if i visited him and he started charging me id be like wtf but this is every week he stays 4 days so surely its more than just charging someone for staying the odd time. I feel uncomfortable talking about my money matters. I have enough to mamage for me and my son but not for anybody else and its difficult to save. I do feel like he needs to start helping out a bit more if we are to stay together its just how i breach the subject.