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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say there are some decent men

717 replies

Poppyscone · 30/09/2021 15:31

I know there are many threads about how shit men are. It may be a shit partner not helping, abused by a stranger, sexism etc etc etc.

But to say some men are decent. My DH said this morning re the policemen just sentenced “we men are mostly basically shit aren’t we”
I told him he was one of the good ones and the good ones need to carry on trying to challenging these men who basically hate women
My DH had challenged many men over their behaviour towards women including dropping friendships.

I have epilepsy and DH had always had my back and supported me. Done more then his fare share with kids including most night feeds as well as working full time which I can do. Letting me sleep and recover after a seizure and taking charge without complaining.

He always make me feel good about myself, never pesters for sex and is a good dad.

Yep sure he had his faults he is a bit disorganised and he seems to think dirty clothes belong on the bedroom floor (but does pick them up when asked)
He snores like a machine gun and I have to wear earplug but on the whole he is a decent bloke and I am sure there are many more out there. I would just like to here about them

OP posts:
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6
Original poster
Poppyscone · 30/09/2021 15:32

Sorry meant working full time which I can’t do

OP posts:
Empressofthemundane · 30/09/2021 15:33

Of course there are! Most are.

Limejuiceandrum · 30/09/2021 15:35

What’s that got to do with anything!

HarrietsChariot · 30/09/2021 15:38

YABU, your DH is overwhelmingly more likely to attack you than a stranger is. At least, that's what the evidence says.

DismantledKing · 30/09/2021 15:41

This isn’t really the time for NAMALT

LukeEvansWife · 30/09/2021 15:41

Everyone thinks their husbands/sons/brothers are the "good ones". Clearly some people are wrong.

martingrowler · 30/09/2021 15:42

Do you think there's anyone alive who thinks that every single man is a dick without exception?

No one is that blind or thick.
Obviously there are good ones. I really don't think we need to keep dragging up all the examples of how our own husband, brother, uncle Colin or whoever helps around the house. It's not the conversation that needs to happen at the moment.

countbackfromten · 30/09/2021 15:42

@DismantledKing exactly!

LukeEvansWife · 30/09/2021 15:42

I presume this is about Sarah Everard? Its in hideous taste - no, not all men etc but enough do that it is a huge issue.

Do you honestly think anyone thinks "oh my husband could go out and kill someone - never mind?"

PurpleDaisies · 30/09/2021 15:43

This is really tone deaf.

Puffalicious · 30/09/2021 15:44

@Limejuiceandrum

What’s that got to do with anything!
That's a bit rude. The OP just wants to hear some points of view/ good news stories/ balance. The nature of Mumsnet is that more people will ask for advice on difficult situations than will come on to say how great their partner is.

OP for my tuppenceworth I've actually never met a bad one. 4 significant long term partners before exDH and present DH and not a bad one amongst them. We didn't work in the end but that doesn't mean they were bad in any way. I'm good friends with exH: he's a brilliant dad we just were a bit crap being husband and wife.

My DH now is the most bloody brilliant man on the planet. If Carslberg did men, he'd be it. He's clever, witty, funny, loving, a brilliant dad, great around the house, great work ethic, respectful, thoughtful and I want to rip his clothes off still after 11 years. This is not a boast, there are many out there like him: well brought up, respectful men. I'm bringing my 3 sons up to be exactly like him.

Men get a tough press. I also have many cracking male friends. I'm a firm feminist and lover of men, I can be both.

LukeEvansWife · 30/09/2021 15:46

The day of the verdict is NOT a good time to start NAMALT.

Limejuiceandrum · 30/09/2021 15:46

There’s a time and a place for everything and this day isn’t it for you op.

AveryGoodlay · 30/09/2021 15:46

Absolutely sickening that someone would choose today to start the not all men are like that crap.

Do you think the Everard family are thinking "I know Sarah was raped and killed but my husband/brother/neighbour aren't like that".

Disgraceful OP.

Thelnebriati · 30/09/2021 15:47

If this is your response to Sarah Everard, then I have to say you sound defensive.
Its a pity that consciousness raising groups aren't around any more, because it would be worth investigating why you felt this was appropriate or needed.

Puffalicious · 30/09/2021 15:47

@PurpleDaisies

This is really tone deaf.
It's really not. The devastating details of the Sarah Everard case have affected us all, this doesn't mean we demonise an entire sex.
tofuschnitzel · 30/09/2021 15:47

YABU. Of course it's not all men, but we can't tell the good from the bad, so we have to assume all men could pose a threat to women. I'm sure Couzen's wife thought he was a good man too.

This post is in very poor taste.

Puffalicious · 30/09/2021 15:48

Although I do agree that today is, perhaps, not the ideal timing to raise this point.

LateDecemberBackInLowB12 · 30/09/2021 15:49

@PurpleDaisies

This is really tone deaf.
Absolutely right.

"I know that there are men murdering their whole families and male police officers raping and killing women, but my dh did all the night feeds bless him" Confused

Puffalicious · 30/09/2021 15:50

@tofuschnitzel

YABU. Of course it's not all men, but we can't tell the good from the bad, so we have to assume all men could pose a threat to women. I'm sure Couzen's wife thought he was a good man too.

This post is in very poor taste.

I can't agree with this. I cannot go through life thinking all men could be a threat to women. We need to be aware of our surroundings and do our best to protect ourselves (we should need to, be it's necessary) but I could never tbink all men are a threat.
Puffalicious · 30/09/2021 15:50

*Shouldn't need to but it's necessary

Comedycook · 30/09/2021 15:51

@HarrietsChariot

YABU, your DH is overwhelmingly more likely to attack you than a stranger is. At least, that's what the evidence says.
Statistically at a population level this is true but on an individual level, this is a silly thing to say to someone.

I know my DH will not attack me therefore on a personal level, I'm safer with my dh than I am with a stranger.

martingrowler · 30/09/2021 15:51

We're not demonising a whole sex. Let's say the majority of posters here are parents. Half of them statistically are parents of sons. They presumably haven't written off their offspring.

Many of us have encountered abuse at the hands of men and when cases like Sarah's come up we live it all again.

It's not the time to brag about how amazing your Gary is and NOMALT. It's tone deaf at best and offensive at worst.

CoalCraft · 30/09/2021 15:54

Most people are decent, men and women both. I have lots of male friends and relatives that are great people and that I'm really fond of. There are a few people, men and women, that I'm not do keen on, but mostly because of personality clashes, not because they're awful people.

Unfortunately there are a few people who are violent or dangerous, and for whatever reason (probably social), the majority of those are men.

But it's still a tiny minority of men.

martingrowler · 30/09/2021 15:56

@CoalCraft

Most people are decent, men and women both. I have lots of male friends and relatives that are great people and that I'm really fond of. There are a few people, men and women, that I'm not do keen on, but mostly because of personality clashes, not because they're awful people.

Unfortunately there are a few people who are violent or dangerous, and for whatever reason (probably social), the majority of those are men.

But it's still a tiny minority of men.

It's a tiny minority of men who abuse, murder and rape but of all the people who abuse, murder and rape, a huge majority are male.