To say there are some decent men

[Poppyscone]

I know there are many threads about how shit men are. It may be a shit partner not helping, abused by a stranger, sexism etc etc etc.

But to say some men are decent. My DH said this morning re the policemen just sentenced “we men are mostly basically shit aren’t we”
I told him he was one of the good ones and the good ones need to carry on trying to challenging these men who basically hate women
My DH had challenged many men over their behaviour towards women including dropping friendships.

I have epilepsy and DH had always had my back and supported me. Done more then his fare share with kids including most night feeds as well as working full time which I can do. Letting me sleep and recover after a seizure and taking charge without complaining.

He always make me feel good about myself, never pesters for sex and is a good dad.

Yep sure he had his faults he is a bit disorganised and he seems to think dirty clothes belong on the bedroom floor (but does pick them up when asked)
He snores like a machine gun and I have to wear earplug but on the whole he is a decent bloke and I am sure there are many more out there. I would just like to here about them

@CoalCraft

Most people are decent, men and women both. I have lots of male friends and relatives that are great people and that I'm really fond of. There are a few people, men and women, that I'm not do keen on, but mostly because of personality clashes, not because they're awful people.

Unfortunately there are a few people who are violent or dangerous, and for whatever reason (probably social), the majority of those are men.

But it's still a tiny minority of men.

Wholeheartedly agree.

It is tedious. Yes. We get it NAMALT.

But enough of them are to make the world a dangerous place for women. And others. Men have to step up here - ALL of them. And start calling out their mates, family members etc when they are acting like misogynist twats.

Also OP the sad news is that you're more likely to be at danger from your DH than a stranger. And when you do report DV to the police they will, statistically, do nothing until it's too late and they make a tone-deaf tweet about how sad they are.

The thing is..

Imagine a table of 10 men in the local pub. 9 of them, chatting, laughing amongst themselves and generally just enjoying their time. 1 of them though is eyeing up the barmaid, telling the others he wants to shag her, scoring other women out of 10, talking about other guys in the pub and whether he could beat them up, generally being an ass.

If those 9 decent guys ignore the 1 jackass... That makes those 9 guys also jackasses because they're condoning it, ignoring it, even enabling shitty behaviour.

Now how many wonderful husband's of Mumsnet users know a fucking dick head but still call that dick head a friend? Lowers them in my opinion.

(I hope that makes any sense.. I know what it is I mean but struggle with wording it.)

YABU to have been brainwashed into thinking any bad story involving a man needs a "not all men" disclaimer. Never see this for bad stories involving women.

Everyone thinks their brothers/fathers/sons/partners are the decent ones though 😒

Is this NAMALT a reflex? Of course NAMALT. But how many hold their male friends, family and colleagues to account for their misogyny? Not very many. And all the ones who do nothing, it's their shame too.

I don’t think it’s helpful to think of people as all good or all bad. There are problematic behaviours and cultures that even men generally considered ‘good eggs’ can participate in and this is what needs to be tackled. I think that some women would be shocked by some of the conversations their beloved husbands, sons, fathers and male friends have when in an all-male environment. Some of those conversations help foster these misogynistic attitudes and behaviours.

What do you want, OP? The Laker Girls to come out and sex it up for the boys with a bit of a NAMALT cheer? And the point of your thread is... what exactly?

@DismantledKing

This isn’t really the time for NAMALT

Yup ^^

To the posters who claim that a whole sex is being demonized - ask yourself why you are making more of a fuss about women reacting to male violence than the epidemic of violence.

Why is it so offensive to you that women don't want to live in fear?

Does anyone find it weird when women justify or try and explain what makes their partner a “good man”.

“He does his fair share of the housework, he looks after me when I’m ill, he is great with the children, he cooks” etc etc

So he’s just being a normal person then?!

All men have mothers....what are we as mothers doing to make sure our boys grow into decent men? Of course dads need to be doing it too but as a mother of 3 boys I’m going to take responsibility for creating decent men..... I’m not writing them off as male therefore they will be dreadful humans, Mumsnet seems to be full of men haters. Op you’re right they aren’t all bad and the bad ones.....for those brought up by two parents the mum had an input in how they turned out surely?

Today is not the day

You have a decent partner. That should be a given. I am not going to congratulate you on that.

AIBU To say there are some decent men

Why do you feel the need @Poppyscone?

If I were you I'd ask for this thread to be deleted OP. It's unbelievably crass

@WormYourHonour

The thing is..

Imagine a table of 10 men in the local pub. 9 of them, chatting, laughing amongst themselves and generally just enjoying their time. 1 of them though is eyeing up the barmaid, telling the others he wants to shag her, scoring other women out of 10, talking about other guys in the pub and whether he could beat them up, generally being an ass.

If those 9 decent guys ignore the 1 jackass... That makes those 9 guys also jackasses because they're condoning it, ignoring it, even enabling shitty behaviour.

Now how many wonderful husband's of Mumsnet users know a fucking dick head but still call that dick head a friend? Lowers them in my opinion.

(I hope that makes any sense.. I know what it is I mean but struggle with wording it.)

I get this and agree completely. DH's friends are very much like this. I was so shocked when I heard them all sitting in my garden, I can't even begin to type some of the things they were saying. DH did tell them all to reign it in or go home, and the shit he got back from them was unreal. These are all well thought of men in high positions including the police and a teacher. I've no doubt their wives would claim they're all good men too! Disclaimer I fully believe DH would of gone along with it before he met me and started to understand they misogyny directed at women.

Why do so many people care more that male violence towards women makes “decent men” sad? They should be sad! It makes me fucking sad too! Let’s all sit here and be sad and angry together and fix the problem instead of repeating NAMALT again and again.

Yes, YABU to make this post today, maybe any day really, whilst so many women are harmed or killed by men.

I was relieved to hear the sentencing today. But it won’t bring Sarah back. And it won’t stop men harming and killing women in the future. We don’t need to hear that your man is good.

Everyone thinks their brothers/fathers/sons/partners are the decent ones though

Yep! Currently- and this'll bring some sunshine to the day- my SIL, my daughter's godfather, and a close male family friend have all rallied around my STBXH as he cries 'poor me! After 30 years of being an upstanding GP, I got caught sexually abusing my own daughter. Nobody knew for 4 years and now I'm in big trouble because I got caught. Boo hoo! Poor widdle me!'

As for my abused daughter, not a soul on her father's side of the family is supporting her. He's a 'good brother' they keep saying... a good uncle... a good man. He has a good side!! He's not all bad. This sexual abuse is a bad part of him but the whole of him is good. Yada fucking yada yada yada.
I want to stab myself in the eyes!
Where's that Lee Evans 'talking shit, talking shit, talking shit' meme when I need it?

Today is not the day OP.

Are women not allowed to be outraged about something without a constant reminder of Namalt?

Not today.

Good grief I've never seen so much namalt bullshit in my life as I have on this site today

Where were you when the sentence was handed down for that girl who pissed off partying and left her baby to starve to death? Zero NAWALT threads then zero people defending teenage mums

Men are under many circumstances bigger stronger and faster than women so why the actual fuck do they need defending

Um, I don't think mankind needs you to defend them, are you worried that we might be hurting their feelings? Honestly what bullshit!!

There seem to be a lot of dodgy and undesirable men who tout themselves up on dating sites. You would not know anything about their lives, and background, until it's too late.

your DH is overwhelmingly more likely to attack you than a stranger is. At least, that's what the evidence says.

Well I'm statistically more likely to be mauled to death by my own dog than a tiger, but I'd rather have my own dog as a pet. She has been very sweet so far. Like, she might go bonkers some day and kill us all but has shown no sign of doing so yet.

I normally don't like NAMALTing but I think it is kind of ok if a separate thread has been opened to do so.

Well I'm statistically more likely to be mauled to death by my own dog than a tiger, but I'd rather have my own dog as a pet. She has been very sweet so far. Like, she might go bonkers some day and kill us all but has shown no sign of doing so yet.

Are to exposed to many tigers on a daily basis? Do tigers hold power over you in society?
What a facile point you make.