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Original poster

Appropriate punishment?

234 replies

SheABitSpicyToday · 20/09/2021 14:14

Caught my 7 year old last night up watching her iPad at gone 11. She had snuck downstairs and got it out of the cabinet and took it upstairs to her bedroom. This, ontop of losing her camera she got for a birthday a month ago and not being remotely remourseful about it plus her attitude in general at the minute, we’ve decided no more screen time for the next week until her bedroom has been tidied and her camera has been found. It’s definitely in there somewhere, it hasnt left the house.

She just seems to have no respect for her stuff at all. We told her if she carries on like this then we won’t bother getTing her anything nice for Christmas as she will just lose it. She just shrugged and said ok.

She never used to be like this! We’ve said from now on she can go to bed and it’s lights straight off until she can show us sue can behave. Is this effective for her age?

OP posts:
Mamamia7962 · 20/09/2021 14:36

If the camera is still in the house then she has mislaid it rather than lost it. A week seems rather a long time as a punishment. I would just say no screen time for the next day.

Afterwards maybe let her go to bed and read for 30 minutes before lights out. Reading tends to make you feel tired.

Mamamia7962 · 20/09/2021 14:39

Also I remember at that age I loved reading, still do. I used to read under the bed covers with a torch. Don't think I ever got caught either!

MaskingForIt · 20/09/2021 14:40

It just sounds like you’re a lot more materialistic than she is. Good for her.

RunningFromInsanity · 20/09/2021 14:42

@MaskingForIt

It just sounds like you’re a lot more materialistic than she is. Good for her.
I don’t think respecting expensive gifts is materialistic.

I agree that she needs to tidy her room and help find the camera.

FreakinFrankNFurter · 20/09/2021 14:43

I would remove ipad time for a couple of days for doing that, and then also make sure the tablet wasn't in her bedroom at night.

BasementIdeas · 20/09/2021 14:44

Has no one read the OP? Why are you all so fixated on the camera?

A 7 year old sneaked and iPad out of the cabinet and was playing on it well after bedtime. No screen time for a week is definitely appropriate

MissyB1 · 20/09/2021 14:45

No I pad (or other tech) for a few days. And she helps you search the house top to bottom for that camera. Reading in bed for 20 minutes before lights out - if she has cleaned her room.

FreeBritnee · 20/09/2021 14:46

It sounds a bit like you’re ramping it up and ramping it up until you get a reaction from her. Which I’m not sure you really got!

I tend to say ‘consequences’ instead of punishment. So if the children are behaving poorly they get warnings before they get consequences and then that tends to be loss of screens or treats.

If I were you I’d decide what the consequence is then follow through with it every time. Don’t react to her saying ‘not bovvered’ just follow through with the consequence and give the subsequent warning that if she dies it again X will happen. Then follow through on that.

Don’t ever threaten to do something you won’t do. Cancel Christmas for example. They know you won’t do that and that just undermines the process

Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep · 20/09/2021 14:47

@BasementIdeas

Has no one read the OP? Why are you all so fixated on the camera?

A 7 year old sneaked and iPad out of the cabinet and was playing on it well after bedtime. No screen time for a week is definitely appropriate

This
FourTeaFallOut · 20/09/2021 14:47

I think bedtime and lights straight out is a sensible move for a seven year old. Not for a punishment, it just makes for a less woolly routine.

If her room is upside down and she can't find her camera, she's likely to need some help with that. How much stuff does she have? if it's a lot it does make things harder to keep things in order and it might need thinning out.

Sneaking down in the middle of the night for her iPad is bold though. I'd have a stern word about that.

idontlikealdi · 20/09/2021 14:52

Turn the WiFi off.

Tal45 · 20/09/2021 14:52

What is she doing on the ipad? As long as it is definitely all age appropriate I wouldn't worry too much, kids will push their luck.

When someone is punished a lot they start not to care about being punished anymore as that is easier than caring. Could that be what's happening?

Alternatively has she got so much 'stuff' already she isn't bothered if she doesn't get any more (and if she can't find a camera because there's so much stuff in her room maybe this is the case). If that's maybe the case I would go through her room with her and see what can be donated to charity, then I would really scale back on how much stuff you buy her for Christmas/birthday and perhaps buy days out tickets or experiences instead.

I would be careful not to make huge threats that you're not going to follow through with though (nothing for Christmas) as that is unlikely to have the desired effect.

TartanJumper · 20/09/2021 14:53

Natural consequence for using iPad at that time is to restrict her access to screens for an appropriate time (whatever that time is is obviously up to you)

If her bedroom is such a mess that she can't find things, she may need help to tidy it. She's only 7. If she has too many possessions, then she chooses some to donate.

Lweji · 20/09/2021 14:54

I think you have two issues there.
One is the missing camera (and presumably the untidy room).

The other is sneaking out of her room to watch her iPad.

I think they require different approaches.

I suspect the has been sneaking her iPad for a while, so rather than punishments, it might work better to hide it somewhere. But at 7 and for this, I would only give one day without screens. By the end of the week the punishment will make less sense to her and resentment will kick in.

For the camera, just make sure that you supervise her in tidying up her room to find it. It seems that you need to develop a strategy for her to keep her room tidy in general, but I wouldn't link it to screen activity.

We should be teaching our children about consequences of our actions not dolling out punishments for the sake of it.

I don't think you should threaten with Christmas either. The camera is not lost, it seems to be misplaced. It's not as if she broke it. And Christmas is a long time away. If you don't give her any nice things, again, she'll have forgotten about the camera and you'll get resentment.

She's 7. Misplacing a camera is not very unusual.
But, I wouldn't be giving my 7 year old a particularly expensive camera or present that could easily be lost or broken.

Goldenbear · 20/09/2021 14:57

She's 7 way too young to dishing out week long punishments and effectively telling her she is not good enough to you as no Christmas presents either as you are anticipating she is going to disappoint you again.

Original poster
SheABitSpicyToday · 20/09/2021 14:59

Her bedroom isn’t even that messy which has annoyed me even more that she’s lost it. Me and her dad did a big sort out of all her stuff as we do every year before her birthday to make room for new stuff.

The iPad, she was watching Netflix.
I won’t be turning off the wifi because why should the rest of us have to go without? Her iPad is in my room now and she wouldn’t dare go in my room to get it. I’ve said she can read but that’s it. The switch has been out away too.

OP posts:
FreakinFrankNFurter · 20/09/2021 15:01

Sorry i've just seen she sneaked downstairs for it. I would probably do 3 days tablet ban - a bit extra because of the sneakiness rather than just being tempted if it was in the room

Goldenbear · 20/09/2021 15:02

Why wouldn't she dare go in your room?

I don't agree with punishing for things like this, she's 7 and young and looked at her ipad not the end of the world.

Original poster
SheABitSpicyToday · 20/09/2021 15:03

She took the headphones too for extra sneak!

OP posts:
superstar84 · 20/09/2021 15:04

On her iPad go into settings and set up screen time

You can choose what time it turns off each day and set daily limits

Original poster
SheABitSpicyToday · 20/09/2021 15:04

She didn’t just “look” at her iPad though did she. It was 11:20 at night and she had been up for hours watching Netflix despite knowing she had school in the morning and that she had been out to bed at 8:30.

OP posts:
murmuration · 20/09/2021 15:05

Can you change the password on the iPad? Is it new enough to use the fingerprints? I'd suggest making her come to you/a parent to get access to it, at least for a while, until you can trust her to not sneak and use it when she isn't meant to.

Original poster
SheABitSpicyToday · 20/09/2021 15:06

Yeah that’s a good idea I think I might do that

OP posts:
Lweji · 20/09/2021 15:06

Why doesn't her iPad have a code that you key in when she wants to use it? Or be set to your fingerprint?
Why does a 7 year old have an iPad, even?
And a seemingly expensive ("nice") camera?
And a Switch? - is it hers?

Of course she doesn't value a camera...

FooFighter99 · 20/09/2021 15:07

We have DD's tablet linked to our phones and we can set bedtimes so that the tablet locks at 9:30pm and won't let her back on until 7am

not sure you can do that with an iPad though, as Apple make things like that notoriously difficult!

I think it's an appropriate punishment, especially given her attitude of late - you need to nip that in the bud

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