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AIBU?

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Original poster

Appropriate punishment?

234 replies

SheABitSpicyToday · 20/09/2021 14:14

Caught my 7 year old last night up watching her iPad at gone 11. She had snuck downstairs and got it out of the cabinet and took it upstairs to her bedroom. This, ontop of losing her camera she got for a birthday a month ago and not being remotely remourseful about it plus her attitude in general at the minute, we’ve decided no more screen time for the next week until her bedroom has been tidied and her camera has been found. It’s definitely in there somewhere, it hasnt left the house.

She just seems to have no respect for her stuff at all. We told her if she carries on like this then we won’t bother getTing her anything nice for Christmas as she will just lose it. She just shrugged and said ok.

She never used to be like this! We’ve said from now on she can go to bed and it’s lights straight off until she can show us sue can behave. Is this effective for her age?

OP posts:
Theworldishard · 22/09/2021 19:59

@SheABitSpicyToday

No I just don’t agree with your pandering approach. There’s nothing wrong with labeling a behaviour as naughty which is what it was. She snuck out of bed, went downstairs and climbed up to a cabinet to get the iPad that she knows she’s not allowed on after bed or during the week anyway. I’m not just going to be “awww darling” about it. She’s been punished and knowing MY child and her personality type, she won’t be doing it again in a hurry.
Agree. Not sure why everyone is getting so irate? I don't understand.
Theworldishard · 22/09/2021 20:00

@Goldenbear

She's 7 way too young to dishing out week long punishments and effectively telling her she is not good enough to you as no Christmas presents either as you are anticipating she is going to disappoint you again.
What she would you deem appropriate. I work with primary age children and believe me seven year olds are not too young for punishments. Our headteacher rang home parents of a group of children who were being unkind age 6-7. When would you suggest discipline begins?
Theworldishard · 22/09/2021 20:02

@GinIronic

Poor kid. Punishment. Punishment.
What would you suggest then, parent of the year?
Theworldishard · 22/09/2021 20:04

@Lweji

There’s nothing wrong with labeling a behaviour as naughty which is what it was.

Yes, there is. Because if you can't see past how you feel about the behaviour, then you cannot go to the root of that behaviour.
All you see is that she broke your rules, not why.
Again, very surprising from a psychologist.

You are really overthinking this. I wonder why. Strange.
StinkingCold · 22/09/2021 20:42

!! I think it's quite funny and normalish 7 yr old behaviour!! If mine had done that, I'd have known about it before 11 as I tend to check on them 20 mins after bed to see if they r ok, turn off the music which they often fall asleep to, and put the covers back on that have normally been kicked off! I then have a quick peek in again after another 20 mins to check all well.

However, if for some reason I'd not checked them til 11 and I saw this I think I'd give a little 'my my my!!....and what are you doing at this time young man?..' promptly followed by a visit from the tickle monster! and an explanation of why what he did was wrong (at this age you need sleep etc .. so you can get up for school in the morning, you should ask mummy before taking things etc...) and then maybe a warning that if it happens again it will be no screens the next day.

Kids are kids! They push boundaries, but ultimately I don't really see this as any major event!!

StinkingCold · 22/09/2021 20:44

And losing things?...even I do that and I'm 42! If it's on the house somewhere, can you for it together tomorrow and help her with tidying her room, and maybe make something together to hang on the windows to decorate the finished, clean and tidy new room?

Mrstamborineman · 22/09/2021 20:45

I take away for a week. It’s clearly not long enough because it happens quite regularly. They decide the consequences are worth the risk imo.

StinkingCold · 22/09/2021 20:45

Flip the typos!! ...If it's in the house somewhere, can you look for it together tomorrow and help her with tidying her room....

Original poster
SheABitSpicyToday · 22/09/2021 22:44

Sorry @StinkingCold but she’s 7 not 4….

OP posts:
StinkingCold · 22/09/2021 22:47

7 is still pretty young isn't it? She's 7, not 13.

Original poster
SheABitSpicyToday · 22/09/2021 22:49

Tickle monster? She’d think I’d lost my fucking head of I tried that with her. Especially when she’s done something she knows she not supposed to do.

OP posts:
BrendaBubbles · 22/09/2021 22:57

I take away for a week. It’s clearly not long enough because it happens quite regularly.

It’s almost as if children under a certain age lack the complete mental faculties to connect elaborate punishments and adult to desired outcomes and then remember those when tempted to do anything wrong. I wonder if that could be why the age of criminal responsibility is.. not seven.

StinkingCold · 22/09/2021 23:02

Aww that's sad OP! Even my 9 year old gets the odd tickle :) 7 is young! They are still learning! It's normal to lose things at this age, it's normal to push boundaries. Did you ask her why she took the tablet? Was she struggling to sleep? Was there something she really wanted to play on it? Why couldn't it wait? Why wasn't she tired? Does she understand why it's important not to take something without asking and why she shouldn't be up so late? Having a chat in a nice way about those things is important. Sure, come down a bit firmer the second time around, but first time explanations are important as is explanation that what she did was not ok, and why.

If it was me, Id just want to know why they did it, and then support them to find other ways to meet their needs instead (if it was attention - how could they get that a different way? If it was finding.it hard to get to sleep - could they have come and told me instead and I could have sat with them and read them a story or talked about what's bothering them. If it was game addiction, maybe we need to talk about that and think how we'll.overcome that in the future..)

What do you and your DC do together for fun? Do you have mum and daughter days? Pjamma days? Maybe you need to help find a way that she can talk to you rather than break your rules. It seems like you feel she is 'naughty', when in reality, she is just being 7 and learning and testing boundaries...

Embracelife · 22/09/2021 23:02

@SheABitSpicyToday

No she’s an only until November when my baby is due. I don’t think she’s broken the camera because she was trying to find it to take to my dads at the weekend but couldn’t find it.
You are pregnant. She knows this right?

She is testing you. Do you still care if you do why you having another baby in her eyes
So she gets a squalling baby for Xmas and no presents
No wonder she tells you she doesn't care! She likely thinks you don't t care about her either

She is 7
And her life is gonna be turning upside down eith new baby

Help her find the camera
She is 7

Of course no ipad at might put in your room tell her why that she needs to sleep etc
No drama no fuss

Read
How to talk so kids will listen

She us 7
7 years of being only child

Original poster
SheABitSpicyToday · 22/09/2021 23:09

Of course I asked her why she took it for Christ sake.

OP posts:
StinkingCold · 22/09/2021 23:12

And what was her answer?

Original poster
SheABitSpicyToday · 22/09/2021 23:14

Because she wanted to watch Netflix. Which is tough shit. Hence the removal of the screen time.

OP posts:
StinkingCold · 22/09/2021 23:15

And why did she want to watch Netflix? Was she unable to sleep? Wanted attention? Something she really wanted to watch? Why couldn't it wait?

Original poster
SheABitSpicyToday · 22/09/2021 23:17

It doesn’t matter why. It was nearly midnight and she knows full well that she shouldn’t have done it.

OP posts:
StinkingCold · 22/09/2021 23:17

(by the way, you sound a bit intimidating OP! I wonder if your DD doesn't know how to talk to you to get a warm and kind response.)

Original poster
SheABitSpicyToday · 22/09/2021 23:17

And you sound like a truly ridiculous person tbh.

OP posts:
StinkingCold · 22/09/2021 23:18

Well it kind if does matter! If you can find it out, you can address it so you can find out what's really going.on and how to help her.

StinkingCold · 22/09/2021 23:19

Fair point! I'll take ridiculous as a label! :)

Original poster
SheABitSpicyToday · 22/09/2021 23:21

There is not a single reason she could give me that would excuse that sort of behaviour. I’m sorry but I don’t pander to this sort of nonsense. There is not always some sort of deep rooted cause behind rule breaking that needs some deep, child therapist response. She tried her luck, she got caught and now she is “suffering” the consequences.

OP posts:
StinkingCold · 22/09/2021 23:32

There is always a reason behind our actions. It doesn't have to be 'deep seated' or require a therapist, but if we don't address the reason for a behaviour, then it (or something similar) will happen again.

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