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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Spending 43k savings on a wedding.

364 replies

Cosmos123 · 19/09/2021 06:59

I know a couple who are spending 43k (all savings) on a wedding yet have no where to live.
He is a 1st year nursing student on a bursary she is looking for work as a nursery nurse.
They are currently looking for 1 bed flat with a budget of £500pcm as that is all they can afford on his bursary. For which they have asked myself to be a guarantor.
Yet they are have an expensive wedding in 6 weeks.

I did discuss to them about spending less and perhaps the money as a deposit on a property further down the line. They seem to agree then bang this is what they decided.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cosmos123 · 19/09/2021 07:00
  • with them
OP posts:
MattHancocksSexTape · 19/09/2021 07:02

And? It’s their money to do what they want with?

If you feel so strongly against it, you could always refuse to sign as a guarantor in protest.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 19/09/2021 07:03

Absolutely do not be their guarantor.

ImFree2doasiwant · 19/09/2021 07:04

I think its absolute madness but as @MattHancocksSexTape says, it's their money. I wouldn't be guarantor though.

LizziesTwin · 19/09/2021 07:04

Just say you are unable to act as guarantor due to other commitments.

sqirrelfriends · 19/09/2021 07:04

I agree it's not the best use of their money, I'm sure they will come to realise it in time.

Anyway, if their wedding is in 6 weeks then the money is spent.

SandysMam · 19/09/2021 07:04

If they have saved it themselves then they are obviously good with money and will probably save it again in time. If they inherited/won it then yes, they are foolish really!

LouLou198 · 19/09/2021 07:05

I have no idea what the average cost of a wedding is these days but that seems like madness to me! Especially as he will have another 2 years as a student, and a newly qualified staff nurse salary isn't massive. Each to their own I suppose, but I'm sure they will regret it massively. I would think if there is only 6 weeks to go it's probably too late to do anything about it now and most things will have been paid for? I also wouldn't be too keen on being their guarantor either, I think they will struggle if he is living on a bursary.

Ifailed · 19/09/2021 07:05

They are clearly showing you they are spendthrifts who are happy to waste money frivolously. No way would I act as a guarantor.

anon12345678901 · 19/09/2021 07:07

It's ridiculous, do not sign to be their guarantor. They are blowing a huge amount of money on a day and then asking for you to sign in case they can't make payments on the rent. Their priorities are skewed.

PurBal · 19/09/2021 07:08

I wouldn’t act as a guarantor if they’re the types to piss money away

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 19/09/2021 07:08

I cannot understand how they have so much saved...they sound young with low income.
Their lives, their choice i guess.
personally i would not be their guarantor because they sound totally feckless with money and i would be concerned about financially getting screwed over

PurBal · 19/09/2021 07:08

But if that’s what they want to spend their money on that’s fine of course. I just wouldn’t want to get involved.

HerbivorousRex · 19/09/2021 07:08

Honestly I think it’s up to them how they choose to spend their money.
In their circumstances it’s not what I’d personally do, but everyone prioritizes their money differently.

If the wedding is in 6 weeks then they will almost certainly have already spent the money or paid non-refundable deposits so they won’t be able to make any major changes anyway.

If you’re not comfortable with the way they spend money then don’t agree to be a guarantor for their apartment.
Otherwise unless you gave them the money it’s really none of your business.

Lockheart · 19/09/2021 07:09

If they've managed to save £43k on those salaries they're obviously doing something right.

It wouldn't be my choice of what to spend it on but it's not my money.

femfemlicious · 19/09/2021 07:10

Absolute madness. I wouldnt sign as tjeir guarantor

LawnFever · 19/09/2021 07:10

I think that’s utterly ridiculous and how have they even got £43k in savings yet living off bursaries etc?

Are they mature students who have worked previously?

It’s a bizarre financial decision all round, I wouldn’t stand as guarantor for a rental flat when they could put that money down as a deposit to buy, i couldn’t condone this tbh and wouldn’t want to be involved.

DrSbaitso · 19/09/2021 07:13

£43k in savings but he's living on a bursary and she doesn't have a job yet?

A £43k wedding in these circumstances and no home?

If this is real, it goes without saying you shouldn't be a guarantor but the whole thing sounds off.

GiveMeAUserName123 · 19/09/2021 07:14

Now they have spent the money knowing you was going guarantor you can’t pull out now really can you. You should of mentioned it before they spent the money on the wedding.

They probably wouldn’t of got married if you refused to go guarantor, but as you are you e given them time and also can get married.

Iwonder08 · 19/09/2021 07:14

How did a nursery nurse and 1st year nursery student managed to save 43k..

heldinadream · 19/09/2021 07:24

DO NOT be a guarantor for this couple!
That's it really. The rest is their business.
Don't make it yours by getting entangled with them.

Overthehillandfartaway · 19/09/2021 07:25

43k on a wedding is utter stupidity. It's one day. Actually, it smacks of an attention seeking arrogance.

I would a mile from any legal commitment with people like this.

AnyOldPrion · 19/09/2021 07:31

I voted YABU because it’s their money, but then reread about them asking you to be their guarantor. The answer to that is, I’m not sure. In the unlikely event that they saved the money for their wedding, then they can save again and I wouldn’t be at all worried about being their guarantor. If they inherited or won it and are frivolously throwing it away on what is, effectively, a big party, leaving themselves short for everything else thereafter, then they are idiots who are likely to bankrupt themselves, potentially leaving you out of pocket.

I can’t imagine spending that amount on a wedding. I’d be looking to buy a house so I wouldn’t be renting my whole life. Some people’s priorities seem very odd to me.

Lightisnotwhite · 19/09/2021 07:32

I think they’re having you on. How have they saved that much?

Anyway as PP said, it will all be paid for now so cancelling it won’t get the money back.

Tiddlywinkly · 19/09/2021 07:32

It's inheritance I'm guessing?

Their life and all, but god, how ridiculous.

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