Spending 43k savings on a wedding.

[Cosmos123]

I know a couple who are spending 43k (all savings) on a wedding yet have no where to live.
He is a 1st year nursing student on a bursary she is looking for work as a nursery nurse.
They are currently looking for 1 bed flat with a budget of £500pcm as that is all they can afford on his bursary. For which they have asked myself to be a guarantor.
Yet they are have an expensive wedding in 6 weeks.

I did discuss to them about spending less and perhaps the money as a deposit on a property further down the line. They seem to agree then bang this is what they decided.

That’s an obscene amount of money. Steer clear.

@onlychildhamster
Hi
I respect the morals and customs of other countries and I myself was married for 41 years before wanting the single life and asking for a divorce. All my 5 children are married and 3 if my grandchildren so far.
I've never been to an Asian it Jewish wedding but having seen them on TV they look overwhelming. I don't think here in the UK we have the huge family attachments that those (and other) sectors of society have, therefore not the expectation that huge numbers will receive an invitation.
It's good that we are all different in some areas and approaches to life, otherwise it would be boring.
Recently I have been watching the vlogs of a single office worker in Tokyo and it was an eye- opener. Her mum sent regular gifts, her grandmother sent huge boxes of fruit and vegetables and the vlogger bought and sent huge boxes of wedding gifts to friends.
I've never been to an Asian country but seeing it through her eyes it was amazing. 😁

Gosh I find this shocking.
I can't even imagine what kind it wedding it Would be.

@LoisLane66 weddings are regarded as a personal affair in the UK, hence all the PP's comments about how the wedding must be for the bride/bride groom's ego, and how it must be a super fancy one with a castle and 'instagram worthy' jamjars and bales of hay. and a designer meringue dress.

It was interesting cos I never regarded my own wedding as an extension of my ego or for myself particularly. I regard it as an expression of thanks to my parents for raising me and also the synagogue ceremony as an expression of respect to my extremely religious Jewish MIL for treating me like her daughter (and also a religious obligation). I dont think any of my cousins would have had their mega expensive weddings if their parents had not expected it; could be wrong but a lot of the wedding was catered to the older crowd. My parents (the aunts and uncles) were invited to the wedding tasting, not the bridemaids or groomsmen so you can see who the wedding was geared towards. And my American BIL who is of Sephardi Jewish origin was telling me about his dilemma- his mother had hundreds of relative in Israel and how he had to turn away so many eager relatives so the guest list could be a mere 300.

That is not to say the younger generation would not spend money on frivolous like instagram booths/DJs but that stuff is a small fraction of the cost of catering food for hundreds of guests.

[quote onlychildhamster]@TractorAndHeadphones I am from Singapore/ of Chinese descent, everyone I know paid for their weddings. My cousin's all had weddings with hundreds of people and it cost tens of thousands, they paid but managed to recoup their cost from cash gifts. Also a Chinese tradition that the parents get a share of the cash gifts. DH is Jewish, his sister's wedding was part funded by family, part funded by inheritance and part funded by their own savings. My Indian colleague told me she did fund her wedding from savings.

My parents are not paying for my wedding as their parents did not pay for theirs.their wedding cost tens of thousands back in 1990 (300 people in a 5 star hotel) so they think I can manage a small Chinese wedding of 50 people.[/quote]
We’re from neighbouring countries my friend 😎
Not sure about Chinese but for Indian it’s traditional for parents to pay. All of my relatives’ parents’ paid. But then they also married young (early - mid twenties) .
The rich Indians in the U.K. whom I know (who have lavish weddings in 5 star hotels) as described in the original post I was replying to also have it paid for by parents - if not fully at least partly funded.

Most families wouldn’t expect a lavish wedding funding on the couple’s own. It’s understandable if the cost will be recouped through cash gifts but in that case the money’s covered anyway.

@TractorAndHeadphones its not a guarantee to recoup costs, I don't actually think many couples do! It depends on whether you have generous family members and close friends as they are the ones who will give above and beyond the cost of their seat to cover the jaded colleague attending their 10th wedding of the year. And of course family members with the financial ability to do so. I wouldn't say that its the same as family paying- I would say its a risk and it is advised you should see the cash gifts as a bonus rather than banking on it.

Also with the wedding industry being the way it is, there is lots of opportunity to waste money on add-ons like super fancy flowers + decorations + multiple outfit changes. As a guest I only calculate the cost of my attendance based on the market rate of the hotel/wedding venue based on prices quoted on brochures or I email the wedding venue. So I would pay a minimum of that and maybe add 10-50% depending on how close I am to the couple. But the food/venue is only 1 cost of the wedding, and there is no way I can estimate how much the dress and flowers and all the other extras cost.

For this couple who spent 43k, I can only hope its in a castle or 5 star hotel and their guests have the financial ability to pay/as well as the habit to pay based on the market rate of the venue. That is their only way of recouping their costs.

Good decision OP. I'm getting married and so understand how the costs can get into tens of thousands very quickly but blowing your future to impress guests is really ridiculous IMO.

Priorities... What is it with younger folks? £43k on wedding? What a waste of b*** money. It is only one day then it is gone. And they are struggling to find a flat to rent! How will they save the deposit in a bought house?

I wouldn’t be going guarantor for anyone that stupid.

You will end up with the bailiff's at your door if they default on their rent if you act as guarantor. If they are foolish enough to spend £43,000 on a wedding when they don't have anywhere to live, then they are foolish enough not to pay their rent.

It's obviously up to them but I'm almost 10p% sure they'll regret blowing all their savings on the wedding. Easy to get carried away in the run up to these things.

My niece had a lovely wedding it was in a church then the village hall which was done over by decorators looked lovely hog roast pots and veg,+ desert evening DJ and finger food buy your own drink ,don't know how much it cost but I think nowhere near £43

They’re bonkers. That could be a deposit on a house ! I wouldn’t be their guarantor

It’s up to them to decide how they spend their money. And it’s up to you how you (potentially) spend yours. I personally wouldn’t be guarantor for anyone I didn’t 100% trust to be sensible with their money because in my experience reckless spending (£43k on a party when they’re struggling to find somewhere to live is reckless) often equals to not paying the rent in full and on time.