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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Spending 43k savings on a wedding.

364 replies

Cosmos123 · 19/09/2021 06:59

I know a couple who are spending 43k (all savings) on a wedding yet have no where to live.
He is a 1st year nursing student on a bursary she is looking for work as a nursery nurse.
They are currently looking for 1 bed flat with a budget of £500pcm as that is all they can afford on his bursary. For which they have asked myself to be a guarantor.
Yet they are have an expensive wedding in 6 weeks.

I did discuss to them about spending less and perhaps the money as a deposit on a property further down the line. They seem to agree then bang this is what they decided.

OP posts:
WoozySnoozy · 19/09/2021 07:33

Up to them but don't be their guarantor. Just say you're sorry but can't afford it if they do struggle to pay the rent.

AtticusHoysAnus · 19/09/2021 07:34

Probably worth it for some.

To me it's obscene to spend that amount on one day.

Totally mental.

Excited101 · 19/09/2021 07:34

The older I get, the crazier it seems to spent such a lot on a day unless you Han easily afford it. Even if you have bought somewhere there often things that need money spent on them, to use such a huge amount of it up on one day is madness!

anon12345678901 · 19/09/2021 07:35

@GiveMeAUserName123

Now they have spent the money knowing you was going guarantor you can’t pull out now really can you. You should of mentioned it before they spent the money on the wedding.

They probably wouldn’t of got married if you refused to go guarantor, but as you are you e given them time and also can get married.

Yes. OP absolutely can pull out and should. You should never spend a huge amount of money if you think there could be a chance in the future you could miss a rent payment.
onelittlefrog · 19/09/2021 07:35

YANBU to refuse to be their guarantor if you are worried that you will have to pay out a large sum.

YABU to be so judgemental about what they do with their money - it's up to them.

If they inherited or won it and are frivolously throwing it away on what is, effectively, a big party, leaving themselves short for everything else thereafter, then they are idiots who are likely to bankrupt themselves, potentially leaving you out of pocket

How do you know they didn't inherit it from someone who wanted them to spend it on the wedding of their dreams or something extravagent?

HarrisMcCoo · 19/09/2021 07:36

Utter stupidity. Should use their money wisely.

annie335 · 19/09/2021 07:37

Totally bonkers to spend that amount on a wedding but then again I'm a bit tight - mine was only 4K 😁

I agree with others - definitely don't be a guarantor.

saleorbouy · 19/09/2021 07:37

You're right, it's not a wisefinancial decision the spend that much on a one day celebration.
I would not be putting my name on any legal document as guarantor.
I had friends who out a loan for their wedding for 30k. They were still paying it off after their divorce!
Personally I think they could make better financial decisions with that money but I suppose you have treied to advise and they have decided against it.

Fluffycloudland77 · 19/09/2021 07:38

It’s their money and they can do what they want with it but I’ve known two people who’ve acted as guarantors and then had the debt collectors after them.

One got a flat for a victim of dv who was there a fortnight before going back to her abuser. The guarantor was then liable for the rest of the 12 months rent on a shop assistants salary.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 19/09/2021 07:39

YABU for telling other people what to do with their money and also YABU to be garunter for people who waste money like that.

AlandAnna · 19/09/2021 07:40

The 43k must be someone who was willing to pay for their wedding - either that or they are seriously good at saving so no worries!
Their life. If it bothers you that much ask them to ask someone else to be guarantor.

Beautiful3 · 19/09/2021 07:40

I would say that was crazy yo spend so much on one day, when they could use half of that as a deposit for a new home! I would refuse to be guarantor.

MitheringMytryl · 19/09/2021 07:41

No, I wouldn't be their guarantor.

It's entirely their own business how much they want to spend on their wedding, but they are making it your business when they start asking you to financially vouch for them.

FWIW, I can't imagine many scenarios where I would be a guarantor. I would consider doing it for one of my DC, under certain circumstances, but that's pretty much it.

FindingMeno · 19/09/2021 07:42

I never understand why anyone spends mega money on weddings.
I would be very clear with them that it's not going to be appropriate for you to be their guarantor with such different ideas of financial priorities, but wish them well.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 19/09/2021 07:43

If they are being honest about the amount they have spent on their wedding then yes they are profoundly bonkers.
I think they've lied.
How they save this up yet NOT have the financial acuity to invest it in their marriage rather than a party makes no objective sense.
On this Basis, do NOT become their guarantor.

Walkingalot · 19/09/2021 07:44

'You know a couple' - so not close friends or relatives?
Why are they asking you to be guarantor and not anyone else?
It beggars belief that they'll happily blow £43K on a wedding and have no where to live! Their financial judgement isn't sound so on that basis alone I wouldn't want to act as guarantor. If they default, it's all on you!

LiamGallagherIsHot · 19/09/2021 07:45

I wouldn’t be guarantor for them as they clearly make poor financial decisions, and there’s no way I would take any responsibility for that. As it then wouldn’t affect me, I would keep out of their financial decisions. I think they’re mad but each to their own.

WheresYourSnickers · 19/09/2021 07:45

Wow, that's crazy! How so they have so much in savings if they appear to be this irresponsible?

merrymouse · 19/09/2021 07:47

I would assume that somebody else is paying for the wedding, but would wonder why they aren’t able/happy to act as guarantor.

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 19/09/2021 07:47

How did a nursery nurse and 1st year nursery student managed to save 43k.

Exactly my thoughts. They have either taken it out on credit, or it could be inheritance which they are willing to throw away without any thought of how they are going to live afterwards.

Either way, I wouldn't be their Guarantor. Well, unless you don't mind paying a bill for several thousand after they get evicted. £500 a month for a year is £6k. If they don't pay for a couple of years before they get evicted it's £12. I know I haven't got that kind of money to throw away.

Soontobe60 · 19/09/2021 07:47

There’s no way a student and an unemployed person have saved so much money. How old are they? What jobs have they had?

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 19/09/2021 07:48

£12k not £12 Grin

There again, I'm not sure I've got £12 to throw away at the moment either...Grin

ThatsNotMyReindeer · 19/09/2021 07:49

How do you even spend that much on a wedding? Are they having helicopters instead of a Rolls Royce?

Seesawmummadaw · 19/09/2021 07:49

Don’t be guarantor. Simple.

DFOD · 19/09/2021 07:50

Is it both of their savings equally or has one put in more than the other - is it an inheritance? If it is not equal I would be concerned.

I don’t understand why they need a guarantor when they have such cash assets? Or they could pay 6 months up front barely denting their cash pile - and if they had to put the extra for the wedding on an interest free credit card which they pay off themselves in 6 months?

Do you disapprove of the marriage, the wedding or the fiancé?