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Original poster

Spending 43k savings on a wedding.

364 replies

Cosmos123 · 19/09/2021 06:59

I know a couple who are spending 43k (all savings) on a wedding yet have no where to live.
He is a 1st year nursing student on a bursary she is looking for work as a nursery nurse.
They are currently looking for 1 bed flat with a budget of £500pcm as that is all they can afford on his bursary. For which they have asked myself to be a guarantor.
Yet they are have an expensive wedding in 6 weeks.

I did discuss to them about spending less and perhaps the money as a deposit on a property further down the line. They seem to agree then bang this is what they decided.

OP posts:
Bogeyes · 20/09/2021 20:05

Tell them you have a CCJ (county court judgement) and cannot be a guarantor. It's madness

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 20/09/2021 20:06

[quote onlychildhamster]@ilovemydogandmrobama2 it sounds gorgeous but weddings are also family affairs. I have never heard of an Indian couple who got married with 15 people in a Cornwall restaurant. We are having 50 people at my wedding and my cousin's eyes nearly fell out of his head- average
for my family is 300 people (at 5 star hotel with at least 8 courses). I had to trim down the guest list to keep within budget for the 5 star hotel and 8 courses. Indians have thousands of people at their wedding, I don't think you can do that for £1000! £43k would be a cheap Indian wedding I think.[/quote]
OMG - I would love an Indian wedding Grin.

But not sure that I even know 300 people!

Fair point on perspective though.

willstarttomorrow · 20/09/2021 20:07

Just because I am nosey OP, HOW the hell have they racked up £43k? The biggest weddings I go to are Asian weddings, and there is a cultural expectation and family honour means keeping numbers low upsets everyone. Even so- I have never known a young couple blow this amount of savings.

StoneofDestiny · 20/09/2021 20:09

I've been to a Pakistani wedding - crowds of people, but I still couldn't see how you could get to £43 thousand. There was no alcohol, no music, no dancing. Where does the money go?

LoisLane66 · 20/09/2021 20:15

Absolutely silly. Will you be any happier for having a HUGE wedding and HUGE bills and 8 courses? It's a piece of paper. Live in sin and when you've had enough after 20/30/40 years it won't sting if you kept your finances separate.

midsomermurderess · 20/09/2021 20:15

Totally deranged, they aren't minor soap stars with a contract for photos despite how they might regard themselves. But if that is what matters to them, leave them to it.

Mollymoostoo · 20/09/2021 20:16

Why do they need a guarantor if they have £43k savings. Sorry this is rubbish, all they have to do is show their savings account balance to get their tenancy agreement and then spend the money on their wedding.
Noone with that much money in the bank needs a guarantor so either they don't have this in savings and they are borrowing or the OP is being lied to.

LoisLane66 · 20/09/2021 20:16

This reply has been deleted

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Fluffmum · 20/09/2021 20:20

Christ on a bike! 43 k on a wedding!!!

Hawkins001 · 20/09/2021 20:24

@Cosmos123

I know a couple who are spending 43k (all savings) on a wedding yet have no where to live. He is a 1st year nursing student on a bursary she is looking for work as a nursery nurse. They are currently looking for 1 bed flat with a budget of £500pcm as that is all they can afford on his bursary. For which they have asked myself to be a guarantor. Yet they are have an expensive wedding in 6 weeks.

I did discuss to them about spending less and perhaps the money as a deposit on a property further down the line. They seem to agree then bang this is what they decided.

Nope don't be the guarantor, because if it all goes pickles then your responsible for the pickup, and if they can spend 43k on a wedding , who's to say it will even last, then also how about the lack of financial control and being practical with finances ? Unless their is a specific reasons to sink that much capital into a wedding, personally I'd say given in general people's loyalty and morals, the money can and should be put to a better use.
onlychildhamster · 20/09/2021 20:24

@ilovemydogandmrobama2 my mum has 6 siblings, they all have kids and I have 15 cousins and an extended family of 50 people. Plus their significant others and children. This was standard in 1960s Singapore before the stop at 2 policy. So a couple would have 100 close relatives (and most people probably have larger extended families; my family is not in contact with the other branches of the family due to both my grandfathers being the children of concubines and this alienates them from the 'main' family). Plus my cousin's invited their entire departments which is another 50 people. If you add in parent's friends, high school friends, it's not difficult to reach 300 people. I am just inviting family and a few friends for that reason.

Indians have thousands of guests because they also invite acquaintances. I read that average British Indian wedding is around £50k. And this is average, you can imagine how the fancy weddings are like!

I think they are being unreasonable if they are white British with no cultural expectations and if they are from a culture where huge weddings are the norm, they have to wait until they save up enough to buy their own place and have their wedding like me and DH. Or ask for help from all their relatives like my SIL did.

dearfanny · 20/09/2021 20:32

How silly. Thats an awful lot of money to spend. Ive been to some amazing weddings in fantastic venues that didn't cost that much

I would be surprised if they don't look back and regret

OneMoreStitch · 20/09/2021 20:39

They're stupid, imo-- not because the marriage might not last, but because it's a ridiculous amount to spend on a party, especially when they need that money for other things. If they want to waste their savings, they can, but I'd tell them now that you're "unable" to act as their guarantor, nor would I ever loan them money in the future. People who spend money like it's going out of fashion won't benefit from my efforts to save and live within my means.

Pixxie7 · 20/09/2021 20:39

onlychilhamster@ I must admit I wondered if it was an Asian wedding, I know a friend of mine had three weddings one here, one in Bangladeshi and one for friends which cost an absolute fortune.
However a lot of it was paid for by family, which may be the case here. However if not they should be calling the shots and prioritising on somewhere to live.

LoisLane66 · 20/09/2021 20:47

One day out of a lifetime. Two people celebrating their commitment and love. Tens of thousands spent on people you don't know, rarely if ever see and some you don't even like.
There lies madness.

onlychildhamster · 20/09/2021 20:51

@StoneofDestiny Chinese wedding has no dancing, 1 bottle of wine per table (most chinese people don't drink much), only pre-recorded music from the sound system. Its the numbers that rack up the costs. Chinese weddings generally have at least 8 courses and is in a fancy restaurant/hotel

Indian/Pakistani weddings have as many as 5000 guests. Even if its £60 per person, its £60k for 1000 guests. And they have so many dishes too.

Battlingongraciously · 20/09/2021 20:54

Crock of crap. Stupid youngsters been brainwashed into feeling euphoria when spending money and thinking it means they gain status.

Just people wanting to take money off you to do not much more than hang jam jars and fairy lights from a fucking tree and give you bails of hay to sit on!!!!

Barmychick · 20/09/2021 21:20

seriously my c.f. sister tried to get me & ex to guarantor house rental despite having poor money history & IVO. We had mortgage, had hard hard times & two kids. Sorry no chance .

Plunger · 20/09/2021 21:25

Do not be a guantor under any circumstance. We were ask years ago and refused. We could have been liable for their debt if / when they defaulted. They need a guantor as they can't afford it.

TartanJumper · 20/09/2021 21:35

Their money, their choice.
Up to you if you want to be the guarantor, but I would advise not to. (not because they are spending money on a wedding, but in general, I would advice everybody not to for anybody)

Lockheart · 20/09/2021 21:37

@StoneofDestiny

Crikey - can't even imagine how you can spent that on a wedding! Genuinely would love to know.
Then you have a very poor imagination.

A big guest list alone would do it, even forgetting about a top of the range venue or a designer dress.

TractorAndHeadphones · 20/09/2021 22:13

[quote onlychildhamster]@ilovemydogandmrobama2 it sounds gorgeous but weddings are also family affairs. I have never heard of an Indian couple who got married with 15 people in a Cornwall restaurant. We are having 50 people at my wedding and my cousin's eyes nearly fell out of his head- average
for my family is 300 people (at 5 star hotel with at least 8 courses). I had to trim down the guest list to keep within budget for the 5 star hotel and 8 courses. Indians have thousands of people at their wedding, I don't think you can do that for £1000! £43k would be a cheap Indian wedding I think.[/quote]
But the families pay 😂 you’re not expected to save up several K for your own wedding

I’m of South Asian descent and will marry in my home country ; there will be thousands of guests but my parents will pay so I don’t really care

Bananalanacake · 20/09/2021 22:30

I hope you are invited to this wedding , there must be a free bar at that price.

onlychildhamster · 20/09/2021 22:44

@TractorAndHeadphones I am from Singapore/ of Chinese descent, everyone I know paid for their weddings. My cousin's all had weddings with hundreds of people and it cost tens of thousands, they paid but managed to recoup their cost from cash gifts. Also a Chinese tradition that the parents get a share of the cash gifts. DH is Jewish, his sister's wedding was part funded by family, part funded by inheritance and part funded by their own savings. My Indian colleague told me she did fund her wedding from savings.

My parents are not paying for my wedding as their parents did not pay for theirs.their wedding cost tens of thousands back in 1990 (300 people in a 5 star hotel) so they think I can manage a small Chinese wedding of 50 people.

onlychildhamster · 20/09/2021 23:02

@LoisLane66 in my home country, Singapore, you can't buy a government flat without being married unless you are over 35 and a private condo/house costs in excess of £1 million at the bottom end. So a wedding is cheaper! Even in other Asian countries without such rules, it's the norm to marry rather than cohabitating. Most of my British Chinese friends opt to marry rather than cohabitate in the long term.

I live in the UK now and can't buy a government flat in my home country despite being married cos I already own a flat in London. But being married is important to me and I have to admit, it probably is because of the cultural expectations I grew up with.